I don't know if doable is the word I am looking for. I am wondering, for those of us who's dh's don't make 6 figures. . . and do want to be saving for retirement and college and actually go to a movie once in a while. How have you made that a reality? We live in an area where real estate is pricey. It feels like our mortgage is the one thing getting between us being comfortable and being strapped. But a mortgage doesn't have a whole lot of flexibility. What compromises have you made? What do you consciously do without? What won't you compromise on? DH and I are doing a lot of talking about what values we aren't willing to compromise and what we are. I am wondering if you've had these discussions too. And how you've come together if you disagree. I know it's a big question so I really appreciate your thoughts.

We moved our car debt onto our home equity loan. Lower interest & longer time period. It works for us in the short term.

I still work PT & that covers any extras (preschool, gymnastics, college fund) etc.

Ask for college $ for b-day gifts.

& all the general cut backs - clothes, dry cleaning, eating out, etc.


added: we have no savings left but also no debt other than home equity. And we still have room on that in an emergency.

We also don't loan the govt our money from paychecks but that means we also don't get a tax refund (maybe $500 or so back only).

6 figures? you mean average people acually make that? sorry for the sarcasm.... Let's say my DH and my WAHM biz doesn't even make 1/2 a 6 fig income put together.

We now have our dream home and DH has been putting 3% of his gross income into an IRA (employer matches upto 3% too) and the rollover from the last job's is in a simple IRA. We haven't saved for the kid's college but I am sure my kids will do fine the same way DH and I did. Pay for your own or join the military :)

Sacrafices? I can't think of any except not taking a huge family vacation ever. We have DISH, Phone, Cell, Wireless ISP, New Cars, ect. We don't eat out too much and if we do it's normally Pizza or Chinese.

Two refinances on our house, spent down all savings, retirements and mutuals, 401K's etc. And when that wasn't enough, I started watching my friends kids in my home.

When I do go back to work in 2 years we'll have some debt and no savings at all, but it will be worth every penny and the next 25 years working to rebuild some sort of retirement.

oh well. Life is life. THis is all temporary. My kids are so worth it.

oh well. Life is life. THis is all temporary. My kids are so worth it.

Barb, i think I love you :heart:

As far as we are concerned, we're happy if we make 4 figures income in the month ;)
We decided from the beggining that I would stay home and homeschool for the next 15 years.
We live simply, no cable, no cellphone, only one car, we don't eat out, we have no savings or retirment. College, if kids want to go they'll have to pay for it.

We're refinancing so we can start putting something aside for dh, cause he's getting older and was a monk for most of his life. I might take a part time night job in two years if we need it, but hopefully by then we'll be back in France.

oh well. Life is life. THis is all temporary. My kids are so worth it.

My thoughts too.

Sacrifices we make..we almost never eat out, we don't vacation, we don't live in a pricey neighborhood with all of our friends. Kids are in PS vs. private, we don't have debt (except house and that means Dh drives an old car and I have a Ford minivan that we bought 1 year old and put every extra cent plus a small inheritance I got into paying off in 2 years) We always use any tax refund that may be ours to pay off any that we might have accidentally acquired - like the van. I don't buy new clothes except when in desperate need and the kids wear seconds or what the grandparents buy - that is more than enough. I shop at WM for groceries which I hate and we use WIC which I also hate. No cable. No ipod, LOL...nothing hi tech except for the computer!

What we don't sacrifice...me at home, family fun time (a rare trip to the movies or zoo - maybe once every couple of months, nutritious food, tithing to church, cell phone/internet. I need the cell to keep in touch with Dh when he is gone during Football season b/c he sleeps in his office and has no long distance there. I have gotten so used to having it when I travel alone that I would get rid of the landline first if it came to that. We have internet, but cheap. I would get rid of it before the cell phone too.

We are blessed to have generous parents who invite us on vacations and out to eat with them on occasion. We gladly mooch (I mean, accept!) and they love the time with the grandkids.

Sometimes it just seems like we are on thin ice, but it always works out. I don't feel like I am missing out on much. I do get a little down about the house and neighborhood sometimes, but I remind myself this is a choice we made and I am just happy to be home with the kids. It will be gone soon and Dh will kick my butt right out the backdoor (to work) with the last when he goes to school. I will miss the little house no money days.

I didn't mean to sound obnoxious by mentioning six figure families. I know they are out there and the way I figure it they have enough to have some spending money and savings. I have nothing against people with more money than we have. I was just wondering if there are any middle income families out there that are able to do it on one income. . . I have some modest financial goals. . . my dh wants to be able to enjoy his money. We can't do either right now. Most all the sahms I know irl have more spending money than I do and it's hard not to compare. And another, more difficult to define issue for me is that I feel strongly about being a sahm, but also unsupported emotionally. It's hard to stick to your ideals when it seems like all your dh thinks about is having a nice car. I need to work on not comparing, and being grateful.

We are in a higher income bracket, but we live frugally for the most part. We know that we may not always have the extra money, so we live like we're poor most of the time and bank everything else. Our goal is to be mortgage free and have a low cost of living so that we can earn money in a meaningful way. Right now my husband earns a lot of money but he doesn't like his job, and he works so many hours that we rarely see him. We hope that he'll only need to do that for another year or so. Then we'll be in a home we own outright, be able to supply a large portion of many of our own needs (food, energy, etc.), and be choosier about how we earn money to pay for the things that we must buy.

Tara

We tend to live on the simple side and are able to "make do" with what would be considered a small income. We don't go out to eat or take big vacations. Each summer we hit a few music festivals and go camping and that is just as good to us. I am a thrifter, and we have good thrifts, so we spend about $500 a year on clothing for all of us. We have one vehicle at the moment, and it is a new truck. It is technically a work truck so the payments come out of the busness savings and not personal. We have spent the last year putting every little bit of "extra" into paying off debt and now we are free and clear besides the truck. We started a savings, which we honestly never had before, and put money into that as much as we can. Seeing the cushion grow makes it easier to decide to not splurge.

For me, I find it really hard to spend money. I would consider buying an iPod or big screen TV a big waste, and I just couldn't do it. I look for deals when we want to buy something and take my time to really shop around to get the most for our dollars.

A few things we do not scrimp on would be good food. I would rather go without peanut butter than buy the Jiffy sugar laden stuff. The natural stuff is at least a dollar more, but it's that or nothing. We also do not scrimp on good Winter gear for the girls, they play outdoors so much in the Winter, we buy them Colombia or others good quality outerwear.

Also, for our family, without the constant messages from TV, we live without really being too aware of all of the "stuff" we are missing out on. We rarely splurge on ourselves, but we still are happy and have plenty. More than a lot of people are blessed to have.

Well right now because we are fixing up a home that we bought (paid in full) we are not doing any kind of savings right now. We also don't have cable tv. We own cars that are 11 years old. I'm sure once we are living in the new house rather than paying $350 a month in rent and with a new construct the energy bill will be less.

In 2005 we made about $26,000 gross.

Well, I might as well say how we are doing it:

Things we compromised on:
no savings
no entertainment money (eating out, vacations, movies)
used/super sale price clothing except for dh
old/used furniture
we have cut out extra curriculars for the kids but I am not happy about it and this will probably change.
budgeted grocery shopping, few extras
I drive an old car and dh will be trading his car shortly to get rid of the payment(source of contention right now)
limit cost on family gifts and parties (we have a large extended family)
I limit my gas
the minimum for cable (I don't consider this a sacrifice though,just common sense, we wouldn't get reception otherwise and I can't see paying money for television and I would just as soon get rid of what we have).
commute of about 45 min for dh
we don't pay for services ( lawn, babysitters, trash pickup, etc)
we don't travel, out of town family visits us

what we haven't compromised on:
moderate home, dh wanted a home that did not need work
me staying home and not working for $
dh's hours, he is not a workaholic, he works 1 job, a predictable schedule not nights and weekend except when he is on call. Thank goodness we haven't had to compromise on this. He rarely travels.
cell phone for me, gives me peace of mind
homeschooling - it costs money and I can't work part time when the last kid gets to school age. (also a source of conflict)

dh makes a good living. . . cost of living is moderate here, not crazy like when we lived in CA, but not cheap.

what I find really challenging is dh is pretty unhappy. . . and it's hard for me to make friends when they are always wanting to do things that cost money.

I have been blessed to find some friends who like visiting. It can be really hard in the winter to feel homebound/cabin fever. As for dh, he wants to keep his car. But he doesn't want me to work so he can keep it. Sigh. I don't really know what I can do about that.

Well. DH makes a good chunk less than half of a six figure income, LOL, but we manage.

*We bought a house in the older part of town. That saved well over $100,000 right there.
*We do have one car payment (for my minivan), but DH drives our 10 year old Blazer.
*We buy all of our produce at a produce stand.
*We buy most of our meat in bulk at Sam's Club.
*DH has a cellphone (needs it for work), but I don't.
*We pay $10 per month for minimum cable.
*We buy a lot of clothing used, or trade for the kids' clothes.
*We find a lot of free/cheap things to do for entertainment.
*DH used to stop every morning for a coffee, but now he either drinks it at home or else takes it from home in his insulated mug.
*I bring snacks for the kids to the park and we come home for lunch instead of going for fast food with some of the other moms.
*We sign up the kids for free or very cheap activities, but we really can't afford for them to take dance/karate/etc classes at this time.
*Right now we don't have any savings, though we hope to have some soon once our income tax refund comes in.

I have to agree with Barb...all the scrimping is worth it so that I don't have to put the kids in childcare or send them to school. :)

We also don't pay for babysitters or garbage men. Or monthly bills are

rent ($350)
utilities ($65-$130 a month)
cable internet ($30)
cell phones (2 for $50)
car insurance ($30)


Then of course there is the cost of food, going to the laundromat and misc.

It's hard to stick to your ideals when it seems like all your dh thinks about is having a nice car. I need to work on not comparing, and being grateful.


My friend and I talk about this all time. What is MORE important, your children whom will be yours forever and in whom you invest everything, or your car, which you might have for 5 years? I think dh needs to take a look at priorities. We have the nice truck, I will admit it, but on the flipside, we do not go to the movies, we have seriously cut down on eating out, we live in one of the smallest houses on the block and, to be honest, we had the truck before we found out we were pregnant w/dd #1, it has 0% financing and we will be done paying for it before we would be done paying for anything we could trade it in for. A new car is not everything, and if that is what is compramising your need to stay home, it is time for a sit down w/dh.

Oh believe me, we've had the sit down. . . many many times. I can't change his heart. He loves us, I know that. He wants me to be home with the girls. But he is unhappy. I think it's just the illusion/dream of having it all, he can't shake it. It's hard for him to go to work all day every day and not "enjoy" the money he worked for. I feel we are enjoying it. I remind him he should be proud he is able to support a wife to stay home and raise their children. It's hard for him. I can't really relate to it. I believe family is everything. I never had entertainment as a child. I remember seeing ET and Star Wars in the theater and that's it. His family was not well off but they did a lot of fun stuff. He wants to do fun stuff. His mother worked. They were not wealthy. They made it work by working opposite shifts. Raising children is stressful to him. Not fun.

It is possible to have nice things that don't cost a lot. We paid $2500 cash for DH's car (95 firebird) and spent a couple hundren getting a paint job (dh did it himself) and another $100 doing some mods on it and buying door poppers and his car looks really nice.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/octoberdevil/car.jpg

They are a 68 MGBGT, 89 Convertible Corvette, 90 Volvo station wagon, and a 97 Dodge conversion van - all paid for with cash and less than $18k for everything (purchased over 10 years). Maybe your DH just needs to change his taste in cars? All those nice new cars that people drive now with hefty car payments will be mine to buy cheap in a surprisingly short few years!!! (With used cars it's nice to have a back-up! LOL! We have collector's car ins on the oldest one at $68/yr but we can't drive it many miles either...)

We are a homeschooling family of 6. We don't make 6 figures. We just try to be thrifty. You know eat at home, no cell phone/satellite or cable tv or TIVO, etc./car payments. It's not hard to do.

We aren't as thrifty as we should be, but are working on it. Our credit isn't great so our car pymt is higher than we would like it to be. Our mortgage is also a little more but we went with a 20 year loan instead of a 30 year loan.

We only have one vehicle. We spend $100 or less for a family of 6 for groceries. We buy all of our produce from the farmer's market when its there (starts back up next month)
We don't take vacations, unless its back east to see our family, or if my in laws are paying for a place in the Outer banks.
We don't eat out much. I can make 2 pizzas for a LOT cheaper than it costs to order 2 pizzas.
We are cancelling one of the cell phones now that dh has one thru work, so that will save $25 or more a month.
We are cancelling our DVR box thru cable.
We are cancelling our unlimited long distance service thru the phone company and using cell phones for long distance.
We don't buy tons of extra clothing, although we mostly buy quality clothes because of the hand me down ability and then resale value.

We are working hard to spend less, but its slow going. We don't have savings, but are working on it.
We have no credit card debt.
We don't pay for sitters unless we REALLY need it. We usually swap for childcare with friends.
We rarely pay for haircuts.. Again I barter and watch a friend's kids and she cuts our hair :)
We mow our own lawn.

I also have a part time home daycare to pay for my scrapbooking stuff :)

my opinion might not mean much given my dh's 6 figure income ;) but...
some of my fave things to do as a family are free & cheap things. Free days at museums, cheap puppet shows, kids days at different attractions,etc,etc.I'm always looking for free or cheap family fun. This weekend I'll be taking the kids to Hawk Watch at a local conservation area. Recently a local grocery store had an offer for free movie tickets, so we fulfilled the offer in order to see the Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe. I dont really care for seeing movies in the theater though & the kids are just as happy to cuddle up in our room & watch a movie all together...

I always look for nature areas giving talks, buy- this- &- get- passes-to- here freebies,etc We have a lot of fun experiences & spend quality family time together that way. :)

The book Your Money or Your Life might appeal to him. Even Suzie Orman is all about spending wisely.

I can compromise on most anything-- even food. While I prefer to feed my kids 100% organic, I know I can feed them 'low on the food chain' non organic foods and they would still eat well.

At this point, I can't compromise on health or life insurance. I'm just grateful we can afford it. We are also paying private school tution, but that's also because we can manage it. But I can compromise on that if needed and hs him. He'd need a lot of TLC, that's for sure. And I would need some emotional assistance. lol

I am not interested in new clothes (I think I look fine. I try not to be a bum about it), $ cars, jewlery etc. I do like nice ktichen toys at times, but not enough to go into debt or worry/think about them too much. There is not much I want, in fact. I will only every buy real sale stuff for myself and then only if it's high quality.

I love the library-- to me that is like a free shopping trip-- I might as well be Ivana trump buying Jimmy Choos. $10 spent at Saver's and a library trip and I'm good. And maybe a little Ebaying for some Hanna tights. :lol:

I *would* love a bigger house on acerage. Maybe not spending crazily will let that happen someday.

At any rate, esp when the kids were little, dh and I worked around day care with either he or I caring for the baby. And his saint of a mother helped us.

I think that babies & children can do well in a variety of situations, but what was most important to us was to have a parent always available. And we have always spent accordingly.

My dh's first job was 27k/yr before taxes-- and we owed more than that in student loans. Man, it was a happy day when we finally paid those babies off.

We are in a higher income bracket, but we live frugally for the most part.

This is where we are as well. I hope suggestions from those who choose frugality vs. those who are forced into it are okay :thumbsup:

We bought less house than we could "afford", at least according to the bank. We also bought 6 years ago, thought we were paying a lot, and have seen our house more than double in value. Compared to our income, our house is modest and our yard is small.

Most of our furniture is old and beat up (not antique old). We don't have a headboard for our bed. When we do buy furniture we buy quality.

We have no attachment to fashion. We wear cheap, clean, comfortable clothing. I take hand-me-downs when they are offered. I wear my clothing out, never buying the latest styles. I own 4 pairs of shoes. If my everyday winter shoes don't match my sweatjacket, oh well. I also buy less clothing and wash more often (but still full loads).

We use the library. We rarely buy books. The library offer variety and a chance to preview books before deciding if they should be invested in.

We eat an organic, plant-based diet. In fact, we can afford organic because we aren't buying the meat and dairy. Our meals are based around fruits, vegetables, grains, and beans. I buy nothing processed and almost no convenience foods (I do buy some canned beans, canned olives, etc.). Our meals are simple, with some that I would call "simple gourmet". I hate food waste. I plan carefully not to cook too much. I turn leftovers into soups, stews, stir-frys, and curries.

We chose a house in a location where DH could walk or ride a bike to work, making it possible for us to live as a 1 car family. When we needed a truck for towing we were so used to the 1 car lifestyle that we keep it garaged except for those times when we travel.

A walking location also means the boys and I walk for a lot of errands. We walk to the library, the post office, the drugstore, story time, the credit union, etc. It saves gas as well as wear and tear on the car (it's also environmentally friendly).

We buy quality, open-ended, long-lasting toys. I will not buy junk, no matter how cheap it is. My boys play mostly with Lego, K'Nex, Lincoln Logs, wooden blocks, etc. We are very specific when people ask what to give as gifts. I ask them to add on to toys we have already purchased. Heck, if they need pajamas that is what I will ask for, or family games, or art supplies. We rarely buy toys outside of traditional gift giving occasions. My boys know when they go to the store with me that I will not be buying them anything they don't need.

I turned off the freezer; the way we eat it wasn't worth the $10-20 a month it takes to run. I turn the heater down or off whenever we leave the house, and at night. I set the thermoset lower than most people I know in the winter, and higher in the summer. I am fanatical about turning off lights. We also switched to CF bulbs. I was my clothing in tap cold water. All of my large appliances are Energy Star (I just replaced old appliances with Energy Star appliances as they gave out). We never use a heat dry, but instead open the dishwasher once it finishes.

These are some more radical ideas. I bathe 4X a week, not daily. I save on hot water, shampoo, conditioner, and soap. I keep my hair long and rarely get it trimmed more than once a year (actually twice in the last 4 years). I wear my jeans at least 3 times before washing. I wear shirts twice if they haven't been spilled on. My boys don't get a daily bath; they get one when they need it.

I don't use a lot of disposable paper products. A roll of paper towels lasts about a year and is used for really yuck things, like vomit or dog poop on the floor. I wash out zipper bags (but try not to use them in the first place).

I'm not a shopper. I don't buy knick knacks or things to decorate with. In December I buy candles (if I need them - sometimes the ones leftover from the previous year are fine) to put on the mantle. When I get sick of that I put up a vase of flowers from the yard (just whatever is blooming). In summer I put a bamboo plant that my BIL gave me up there. Come fall we use pumpkins, we we later carve and eat.

Whenever I do need to buy something, I look for natural materials and things that will last. I bought glass storage containers last year. Most of my cooking utensils are wood. My mixing bowls are stainless steel. I want things to last a long time. I hate plastic.

I don't go to home parties. I don't have them either.

We don't hang out at the mall, even to browse. You aren't unhappy with that you have if you aren't always looking for something better. Not watching commercials helps with that too. I hate women's magazines.

DH no longer has expensive hobbies. He doesn't buy video games. His mountain bike is 10 years old and the only reason it is nice is because the used bike he bought was good, and when it was stolen we had replacement insurance and they bought him a new one. He keeps it maintained and buys new parts as needed, but hasn't replaced the frame. Bike bibs wear out, but he is wearing the same jerseys he bought 12 years ago.

I gave up scrapbooking and stamping. It was more of a shopping hobby than a craft. I have vowed to use up craft supplies rather than buying more.

I don't participate in swaps. Materials and postage are expensive, even if you do get cute stuff in return.

We do have cell phones; it is cheaper to have them than to call family using toll calls. We have cable and Netflix (the cheap plan) too; much cheaper than going out to movies. We have DSL because DH sometimes works from home.

Right now we aren't doing music lessons (just having fun at home), organized sports (they go on bike rides with dad and shoot hoops in the backyard), art classes, etc.

I'll add more to my novel later!

I love all these suggestions!! I'm going to be watching this thread for more. We are trying reallly hard to cut back and start saving more. I need to start using a finance tracking program again. We were doing really well when I could see what we were spending and where we could cut back.

--This is where we are as well. I hope suggestions from those who choose frugality vs. those who are forced into it are okay--


LOL That's a nice way to say it. :smooch:

Well I was working after my first was born and ended up quitting and was worried how we would make it work but we did.
We got rid of cable, stopped eating out, made more food by scratch, made his lunches, we really didn't have many extras in our lives that I worried about paying for like haircuts, pedicures, gyms, etc... We do live pretty simply now. We paid off his credit cards and just have mortgage and the regular monthly amneties.
It's all worth it, I can't imagine going back to work and leaving my kids with someone else.

I was only home for two years. But it wasn't finances that drove me back out into the world. My son demanded to be with other kids and I didn't do well being at home. But that's another matter. We scrimped and did a lot of things people mention. I highly recommend The Tightwad Gazette for you and Your Money or Your Life for Dh. There are so many changes that come with children. I would see if Dh's insurance covers counseling. Money is one of the biggest problems in a marriage. If not that route, maybe your church offers counseling? The most important thing you can give your children is both parents. I know you aren't talking about those kinds of problems. I'm just saying, it can get there, head it off.

Cheap fun is important. Enjoying family life in ways that are not costly is a major part of my frugality.

Board games, library videos, doing puzzles, good read aloud books, stories on tape, a bunch of people who know how to laugh are all things that keep us home and together. My kids make me laugh. And when they make me crazy, I know enough to take a break. Bookstores are where I go if the library is closed. lol

We also play outside when the weather is nice, and do yard work together. We have basketball hoops, tether ball, a garden, etc.

My teen is getting more $-- but he has chores he can do to make the money he wants to go to the movies, bowling with friends etc. We give him a certain amount of money each week for his lunches, but he can save that if he prefers to pack his lunch, which he mostly does. He also has regular chores he does in exchange for our paying insurance so he can drive my car.

Never eating fast food is another money-saver, and we have also switched from take -out pizza to frozen pizza on Fri night (frozen, even the $ kind is much cheaper). I used to make pizza, but I prefer not having to think about food on Fri. It's only when the children (dh gets home too late) make the pizza that we have homemade.

We also don't pay for babysitters or garbage men. Or monthly bills are

rent ($350)
utilities ($65-$130 a month)
cable internet ($30)
cell phones (2 for $50)
car insurance ($30)


Then of course there is the cost of food, going to the laundromat and misc.

Good grief mama! Where do you live!!? I need to move there, my rent is SKY high for this tiny little apartment and it's ridiculous!

I try to be frugal by:
*No eating out
*Don't go to the mall, WalMart, etc...too tempting to waste my money there, plus those places stress me out
*Send any extra to cc bill (wish I'd never gotten a cc to begin with!)
*Eat at my parents' house a few nights a week (they invite us, so I don't feel so moochy)
*Cloth diapering :)

By the looks of it, I'll never own a house :( And it'll take me 5 years to pay off the van, which I bought from my parents and I rarely ever drive it anywhere other than the grocery store or my parents' house, to conserve gas.

Good grief mama! Where do you live!!? I need to move there, my rent is SKY high for this tiny little apartment and it's ridiculous!

I know. My rent was once $375 ...in 1986 San Diego. lol

It was a one bedroom tinker toy --one block from the ocean...but still. Bargain City today.

And today, my little tinker toy 2 room house is now an apartment building.

for us, there was no decision to be made. we agreed that i'd be a sahm and homeschool before we even married. before we had kids, dh and i made the same salary. when i quit after tucker was born, our income was instantly cut in half.
we have had horrendous financial troubles over the past few years, and hurricane katrina and the entire insurance/fema fiasco has not helped....but.....
we are actually doing better right now than ever before in our marriage. we made a *prayerful* decision after the hurricane to begin tithing 10% every week to our church, no matter what. we also agreed to put 10% in a savings account every week. we had absolutely no idea how we'd live, because we never could make ends meet without doing those things.
so here we are, 5 months after the storm and those life changing decisions, and i can say this:
we are 100% caught up on our bills. nothing is late.
we have a pretty good savings account going. we've never been able to accomplish this before. we are stunned whenever we see our balance.
we have faithfully and cheerfully tithed 10% off the top of dh's check every week.
we have a new minivan. we only have one vehicle at the moment but are looking into dh getting something small and used and hopefully being able to pay cash or else finance a very small amount.
what can i attribute this to? i believe it's giving back to God. i don't doubt for an instant that it's all His doing!
on a less spiritual note (;) ), we set everything up on quicken. we made accounts for our mortgage, our car note and savings. quicken automatically deducts those amounts every week. we set up an automatic transfer from checking to savings every week, so our 10% is moved to savings without us having to remember.
oh, and dh makes waaaaayyyy less than six figures!
practically speaking, i make most everything from scratch and have a big garden every year and am able to can a lot for the cooler months. we don't go out a lot -- we eat out about twice a month. we do "family fun nights" instead....homemade pizza, movies, and board games. we lost all our furniture in the hurricane, so at the moment we are slowly rebuilding our furnishings, but it's all good :D -- we had a concrete slab for months and i came to love my $29 berber area rug from sam's :lol: ....
i guess the storm changed our lives more than we can put into words. cars are nice, furniture is nice, and homes are nice........but i can tell you from first hand experience that it can all be ripped away in just a few hours. literally :(
sorry to pontificate. guess i had more to say than i realized today ;)

For us I think that a large part of it is that we have been a one income family from the beginning (I quit working when we moved, three months after our wedding), so it wasn't like we had to cut a bunch of things out to make it work. Our standard of living has improved as DH has seen pay increases over the years. We just got cable last year, and DH is driving his first almost new car in 10 years.

We do try to live simply. We don't have gym or pool memberships, I don't get pedicures or $50 haircuts. The kids each have one activity and one sport they can do at a time. I shop thrift shops and second hand sales. We chose to live further away from the city to have a lower mortgage. We go to the library and the park for entertainment, or have game nights with neighbors. We pay for a sitter *maybe* once a year for a Christmas party we go to.

DH does save 10% for retirement, I actually wish he would save more, but he is comfortable with that for now.

Oh believe me, we've had the sit down. . . many many times. I can't change his heart. He loves us, I know that. He wants me to be home with the girls. But he is unhappy. I think it's just the illusion/dream of having it all, he can't shake it. It's hard for him to go to work all day every day and not "enjoy" the money he worked for. I feel we are enjoying it. I remind him he should be proud he is able to support a wife to stay home and raise their children. It's hard for him. I can't really relate to it. I believe family is everything. ... Raising children is stressful to him. Not fun.
I edited the part about your dh's family not being well-off b/c my dh's family was - well they weren't rich, but they definitely had lots of extras and he's pretty much gotten whatever he wanted his whole life. Anyways, your statement above is my dh exactly...he just doesn't get that you don't have to wear Tommy Hilfigers and Clarks or drive a less than 2yo car to be happy...His car is DAYS from being paid off (our tax return) and he's already scheming about a new one :tear: It tears me up - yeah, I'd love to live the high life...BUT it's not worth it...Barb's statement was right on earlier - life is life, temporary - kids are everything etc...Staying home with my kids is definitely worth doing without and I'm so proud to be able to do it...
I just wish dh would get it thru his head that namebrand does not equal happiness :rolleyes: And I wish he'd help me w/ the house and kids...vent over, sorry...Just letting you know you're not the only one :hug:

oh well. Life is life. THis is all temporary. My kids are so worth it.


I totally agree.

I'd make it work no matter what. I'm willing to sacrifice just about anything except basic neccessities and I have. I was a single mom and couldn't bear the thought of putting my daughter in daycare. So I used all of my child support towards rent and worked jobs where I could either bring her with me, or I had friends who could watch her. We lived on almost nothing, but to me it was worth it.

Before I married my DH, I told him what I wanted - someone to take care of me so I could stay home and take care of my daughter and he agreed. If he wouldn't have been okay with that, I probably wouldn't have married him.

DH is in the military and one of the good things about it is we get housing and medical provided. We get by just fine, although we don't have any savings and he makes nowhere near 6 figures. Not even close!

No retirement fund
no savings
no going out to movies as a family. We DO rent movies at home and dh goes occasionally by himself or with friends from work
no mortgage - we rent. Though we are hoping to buy a townhouse or condo in the next couple of years. Single family houses are WAY more than we could afford,. You couldn't rent ONE bedroom IN someone eles'e house for $350 around here - so housing costs are a big difference between areas.

Oh and dh works overtime. When we buy or possibly even sooner so we can be in a position to buy - then I'll likely have to get a pt job. Dh is the same way as your dh though he wants to enjoy what he earned - so we do more things (like eat out a few times a month, he has nice cell phone, pda, laptop...techy stuff) than we really SHOULD have and we also have some debt as a result because we do that stuff and then the van breaks down or someone needs to go to the dentist...

We do have cell phones but with ONE vehicle and so many kids we HAVE to be able to contact each othe rin an emergency. We had several occasions of medical emergencies and not being able to make contact. So then we got cell phones. Oh and I've spent HOURS on a road in a broken down van before someone stopped . So we have BCAA and cell phones.

adding that the debt is on our line of credit not CC's - lower interest rate. Basically we have that instead of a car loan that we pay on monthly

I try to do my grocery shopping every 2 weeks. For a while I was going every week and of course whenever we go all of these little "extras" get bought and I buy more snacks and things that I don't really need. When I shop every two weeks instead, at least that's an extra week where I am not getting those extra things.

Same for stores like Target. I (try to ;) ) limit shopping there to once a month for things that are cheaper there than the grocery store.

I know a few families where both parents work and make combined more than $100,000 and they still live paycheck to paycheck and can't figure out how to afford to have one of them stay home with the baby or kids. It's so hard to give things up once we have gotten used to them.

I haven't read the replies, but the most important decisions we made were paying for our cars up front for the most part (very short-term payments) AND renting and/or buying homes both below our means. These have allowed us to be pretty set despite not having a huge income. What we can be approved for and buy is quite high and IMO unrealistic if we want to be able to do things like, oh lets say... eat?

Retirement and life insurance are important to us so we make them a priority and they just seem to get done. Sometimes, I'm not sure how we've made it in the past.

i don't really know!!!!! :lol:

but i don't sacrifce on food. we buy organic and quality. our kids have inexpensive clothes and not that many. and we buy most of our clothes on clearnace rack. :lol: but i'm a seamstress and i have many times bought $100+INC clothing for under $20 because a zipper was broken or lining was sewn in crooked or that type of thing...and i wish we were making six figures.

but when i quit working f/t about 6 years ago we instantly cut our income in half.

DH had a very hard time!!

I think it is easier for us SAHMs because we have put our children first and everyday we get those snuggles and laughs and giggles that remind us why we are doing what we do. we also can so quickly get removed from the work world rat race (thank goodness).....but for our DHs who are the ones working their hineys off 40+ hours a week to have all their money go to bills and not be able to 'enjoy' spending it on whatever is their pleasure (ball games, eating out, nice clothes, ect...).....well i'm sure it feels really crappy. and they are only human....even if they intellectaully know they shouldn't feel like that it can be hard to not emotinally really feel they are getting the short end of the stick...............so mamas just for a minute imagine that you work ALL day away from home and never get to see your kids (beyond a minute in the morning and when they are tired and cranky at night-- and prefer to be with their daddy....) and you sit down with each and every paycheck and write checks to pay bills and their ain't much left.....and you have to wear walmart clothes while your coworkers are decked out in designer garbs.....and you ride to wrok each morning in a beat up jalopy-- which you park next to BMWs and Acuras........and your spouse doesn't understand why you aren't happy to make the sacrifice................................if you can find a way for your DH to get at least one thing that he wants.....its important.

Luna

This is where we are as well. I hope suggestions from those who choose frugality vs. those who are forced into it are okay :thumbsup:

We bought less house than we could "afford", at least according to the bank. We also bought 6 years ago, thought we were paying a lot, and have seen our house more than double in value. Compared to our income, our house is modest and our yard is small.

Most of our furniture is old and beat up (not antique old). We don't have a headboard for our bed. When we do buy furniture we buy quality.

We have no attachment to fashion. We wear cheap, clean, comfortable clothing. I take hand-me-downs when they are offered. I wear my clothing out, never buying the latest styles. I own 4 pairs of shoes. If my everyday winter shoes don't match my sweatjacket, oh well. I also buy less clothing and wash more often (but still full loads).

We use the library. We rarely buy books. The library offer variety and a chance to preview books before deciding if they should be invested in.

We eat an organic, plant-based diet. In fact, we can afford organic because we aren't buying the meat and dairy. Our meals are based around fruits, vegetables, grains, and beans. I buy nothing processed and almost no convenience foods (I do buy some canned beans, canned olives, etc.). Our meals are simple, with some that I would call "simple gourmet". I hate food waste. I plan carefully not to cook too much. I turn leftovers into soups, stews, stir-frys, and curries.

We chose a house in a location where DH could walk or ride a bike to work, making it possible for us to live as a 1 car family. When we needed a truck for towing we were so used to the 1 car lifestyle that we keep it garaged except for those times when we travel.

A walking location also means the boys and I walk for a lot of errands. We walk to the library, the post office, the drugstore, story time, the credit union, etc. It saves gas as well as wear and tear on the car (it's also environmentally friendly).

We buy quality, open-ended, long-lasting toys. I will not buy junk, no matter how cheap it is. My boys play mostly with Lego, K'Nex, Lincoln Logs, wooden blocks, etc. We are very specific when people ask what to give as gifts. I ask them to add on to toys we have already purchased. Heck, if they need pajamas that is what I will ask for, or family games, or art supplies. We rarely buy toys outside of traditional gift giving occasions. My boys know when they go to the store with me that I will not be buying them anything they don't need.

I turned off the freezer; the way we eat it wasn't worth the $10-20 a month it takes to run. I turn the heater down or off whenever we leave the house, and at night. I set the thermoset lower than most people I know in the winter, and higher in the summer. I am fanatical about turning off lights. We also switched to CF bulbs. I was my clothing in tap cold water. All of my large appliances are Energy Star (I just replaced old appliances with Energy Star appliances as they gave out). We never use a heat dry, but instead open the dishwasher once it finishes.

These are some more radical ideas. I bathe 4X a week, not daily. I save on hot water, shampoo, conditioner, and soap. I keep my hair long and rarely get it trimmed more than once a year (actually twice in the last 4 years). I wear my jeans at least 3 times before washing. I wear shirts twice if they haven't been spilled on. My boys don't get a daily bath; they get one when they need it.

I don't use a lot of disposable paper products. A roll of paper towels lasts about a year and is used for really yuck things, like vomit or dog poop on the floor. I wash out zipper bags (but try not to use them in the first place).

I'm not a shopper. I don't buy knick knacks or things to decorate with. In December I buy candles (if I need them - sometimes the ones leftover from the previous year are fine) to put on the mantle. When I get sick of that I put up a vase of flowers from the yard (just whatever is blooming). In summer I put a bamboo plant that my BIL gave me up there. Come fall we use pumpkins, we we later carve and eat.

Whenever I do need to buy something, I look for natural materials and things that will last. I bought glass storage containers last year. Most of my cooking utensils are wood. My mixing bowls are stainless steel. I want things to last a long time. I hate plastic.

I don't go to home parties. I don't have them either.

We don't hang out at the mall, even to browse. You aren't unhappy with that you have if you aren't always looking for something better. Not watching commercials helps with that too. I hate women's magazines.

DH no longer has expensive hobbies. He doesn't buy video games. His mountain bike is 10 years old and the only reason it is nice is because the used bike he bought was good, and when it was stolen we had replacement insurance and they bought him a new one. He keeps it maintained and buys new parts as needed, but hasn't replaced the frame. Bike bibs wear out, but he is wearing the same jerseys he bought 12 years ago.

I gave up scrapbooking and stamping. It was more of a shopping hobby than a craft. I have vowed to use up craft supplies rather than buying more.

I don't participate in swaps. Materials and postage are expensive, even if you do get cute stuff in return.

We do have cell phones; it is cheaper to have them than to call family using toll calls. We have cable and Netflix (the cheap plan) too; much cheaper than going out to movies. We have DSL because DH sometimes works from home.

Right now we aren't doing music lessons (just having fun at home), organized sports (they go on bike rides with dad and shoot hoops in the backyard), art classes, etc.

I'll add more to my novel later!

i just have to say that i am really impressed! your advice is highly respected by me because it sounds like you have the money to spend, but chose not to. i wanna be like you :hbeat: especially the 6 figure part :smirk: ...just kidding!

I think it is easier for us SAHMs because we have put our children first and everyday we get those snuggles and laughs and giggles that remind us why we are doing what we do. we also can so quickly get removed from the work world rat race (thank goodness).....but for our DHs who are the ones working their hineys off 40+ hours a week to have all their money go to bills and not be able to 'enjoy' spending it on whatever is their pleasure (ball games, eating out, nice clothes, ect...).....well i'm sure it feels really crappy. and they are only human....even if they intellectaully know they shouldn't feel like that it can be hard to not emotinally really feel they are getting the short end of the stick...............so mamas just for a minute imagine that you work ALL day away from home and never get to see your kids (beyond a minute in the morning and when they are tired and cranky at night-- and prefer to be with their daddy....) and you sit down with each and every paycheck and write checks to pay bills and their ain't much left.....and you have to wear walmart clothes while your coworkers are decked out in designer garbs.....and you ride to wrok each morning in a beat up jalopy-- which you park next to BMWs and Acuras........and your spouse doesn't understand why you aren't happy to make the sacrifice................................if you can find a way for your DH to get at least one thing that he wants.....its important.

Luna

Wow, that is so true!

Good grief mama! Where do you live!!? I need to move there, my rent is SKY high for this tiny little apartment and it's ridiculous!


Springfield----It's a small (750 sq ft) 2 bedroom house that's older so it's a not the greatest (but we should have our home ready to move in about 6 months from now) When I was house hunting I actually saw a 2 bedroom house for $275 per month but It wasn't very nice. I found this one by driving around and calling about the for rent sign. The landlord owns several homes in the area and rents them all pretty cheap. Nice that he doesn't make you do a credit check and he didn't even ask to see proof of income. He's a really nice guy, our car needed repaired and he had no problem taking partial rent this week.

Although when I was living in Wa we did have a 1800 sq ft duplex for $575 a month, which was an incredibly good deal at the time.

i don't really know!!!!! :lol:

but i don't sacrifce on food. we buy organic and quality. our kids have inexpensive clothes and not that many. and we buy most of our clothes on clearnace rack. :lol: but i'm a seamstress and i have many times bought $100+INC clothing for under $20 because a zipper was broken or lining was sewn in crooked or that type of thing...and i wish we were making six figures.

but when i quit working f/t about 6 years ago we instantly cut our income in half.

DH had a very hard time!!

I think it is easier for us SAHMs because we have put our children first and everyday we get those snuggles and laughs and giggles that remind us why we are doing what we do. we also can so quickly get removed from the work world rat race (thank goodness).....but for our DHs who are the ones working their hineys off 40+ hours a week to have all their money go to bills and not be able to 'enjoy' spending it on whatever is their pleasure (ball games, eating out, nice clothes, ect...).....well i'm sure it feels really crappy. and they are only human....even if they intellectaully know they shouldn't feel like that it can be hard to not emotinally really feel they are getting the short end of the stick...............so mamas just for a minute imagine that you work ALL day away from home and never get to see your kids (beyond a minute in the morning and when they are tired and cranky at night-- and prefer to be with their daddy....) and you sit down with each and every paycheck and write checks to pay bills and their ain't much left.....and you have to wear walmart clothes while your coworkers are decked out in designer garbs.....and you ride to wrok each morning in a beat up jalopy-- which you park next to BMWs and Acuras........and your spouse doesn't understand why you aren't happy to make the sacrifice................................if you can find a way for your DH to get at least one thing that he wants.....its important.

Luna

My dh is not wearing walmart clothing. It's possible to get the uniform you need without spending a lot. My dh has the corporate uniform- the Ralph Lauren etc Most of it is not new, but looks new. The only place we do have to 'splurge' for him is shoes. And we've had to bite it on the trench coat. But nothing else.

I only read the last few responses....but here goes.

My dh is a teacher and makes $30k a year gross - we are decidedly not anywhere near a six-figure income! ROFL! Our taxable income last year was like $13k. He often would work summer school and for a while waited tables on Friday and Saturday nights to make ends meet.

I have never been a true SAHM. I ran my cloth diaper cover biz, I worked in my uncle's office on Saturdays (he is a psychologist and I have a BA in psych), and then I went to massage school in the evenings for a year and then began working on Saturdays as a massage therapist (and while the kids were in school). But when they were little, Dancing Bears was what provided clothing, toys and any "extras" beyond food and gas.

We have bought used cars - my newest and most expensive car was an 03 with 17k miles on it and we got a great deal and it's paid for in full. We now keep one "good" newer car (same 03 now with 45k miles on it) and one car for me while dh is at work - we have to drive everywhere - that car is an 88 Toyota, paid $700 for it. Because we own them outright we don't get comp or collision and save money that way.

When we bought too much house, we struggled to afford it - hence me working. Finally we sold it and are buying well below our means - we used our equity to cash out and pay off all debts and put down 1/3 of our house price in cash. My dh loves his job and is home by 4 or earlier every day and doesn't have to work summer school so he's home all summer and gets nice vacations otherwise. He's happy working for ten more years and I'm planning to work from home writing. Even on just his income we should be able to double our mortgage payments and have our home completely paid off in under ten years.

We also don't have much of a retirement fund, just what his employer provided at his old teaching position. Most of the time when the kids were young we ran the bank account down to $50 or less every month.

We use the library, we get Netflix, have dialup, don't have a TV or cable, don't go out to eat but once or twice a year, don't go out to movies (have family movie night with a Netflix movie, home-popped popcorn and maybe some ice cream). We don't go out shopping - I took dd to the mall once last year and she looked like she had just come out of Amish country. :lol: She walked through it with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide! This, and we lived 1/4 mile from the mall.

We buy thrift store clothes or cheap TJ Maxx or Ross type clothes. We don't have a lot of clothing, at all. My dh can wear casual clothes to work so he does. If I can get cheap fabric I'll sew the kids clothes but I don't think I save any money sewing clothes myself, really. Just some of the nicer things like bathrobes or fleece jackets. Oh, and we, like Meeshi, invest in good-quality outerwear - I usually get it online for cheap but you can't skimp on warmth. For wool clothes I took up knitting and get good yarn cheap at knitpicks.

We have prepaid cell phones and hardly use them. I don't like the radiation they put out, it gives me headaches and I don't feel it's safe. We spend $10/month per phone to use them for emergencies and very occasional "honey can you do this on the way home" type phone calls. IMO with as rural as it is here, it's worth it to have them for auto emergencies and school related stuff.

Cheap "vacations" - my parents paid for our tickets to fly to Florida - we usually drive and camp and pack all our food from scratch to eat on the trip.

Everything else has been covered...just wanted to say you CAN do it on a very low income. You really can. It can be stressful in itself, and I know my dh has felt like crap because he works hard, just doesn't get paid a lot - so to work hard and still feel like you have nothing kind of sucks, yk? But he gets reminded of the big picture every day. When he gets home right after the kids and when he gets to spend time with us all summer - it is SO worth it.

Um and I agree with Barb. It's all totally worth it!!!!

College, if kids want to go they'll have to pay for it.

I feel the same way about college. When I was finishing high school yeah, I wished that my parents were secret millionaires who would surprise me after I graduated, :lol: but I didn't feel like they had don e abad job by not doing a college fund. They had 5 kids! Even when I was pregnant my g'ma kept trying to talk my into abortion or adoption (young single mom...with a g'ma who was worried about what the people in town would think). One of her things was how was I goign to help this child pay for college, and frankly, while I don't think college funds are bad, they are not necessary. If my child wants to go to college, he'll have scholarships and/or work for it in other ways. Yes, its harder, but with just two basic scholarships (one for good grades and one for being in a low income family) I was able to go to college plus get money back.

My brother and his new wife decided that they wanted to start a college fund for my son when he was about 2 yrs old. They couldn't do it without my help and it was something I couldn't turn down. I pay about$23 a month and they are paying about twice that. When he graduates from high school he'll be able to attend a community college for two yrs and then a university for two yrs...completely paid except room and board.

Anyway, I knwo that's not the main point of this thread, but I just wanted to chime in that I don't think parents should EVER feel guilty because they can't afford a prepaid college plan for their children. I'm sure Noah will be the only child of mine (hoping I get married and have many more!) who has a college plan because if I get married, I want to have many more children and there's no way, unless I marry someone really rich or I win the lottery, that we'll be able to afford it, lol

Most all the sahms I know irl have more spending money than I do and it's hard not to compare.

Have you considered that they don't really have that much disposable income?
Maybe they are doing all these things on credit. Not being snarky just thinking aloud that there might be another reason that it seems the way you see it but may not be all that.

Also I'd like to ask if your dh might be depressed? Not something you need to answer here just something to think about.

A book I just read:
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0060759992.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
You could probably get it from the library. If they don't have it, ask for an interlibrary loan.

I think it is easier for us SAHMs because we have put our children first and everyday we get those snuggles and laughs and giggles that remind us why we are doing what we do. we also can so quickly get removed from the work world rat race (thank goodness).....but for our DHs who are the ones working their hineys off 40+ hours a week to have all their money go to bills and not be able to 'enjoy' spending it on whatever is their pleasure (ball games, eating out, nice clothes, ect...).....well i'm sure it feels really crappy. and they are only human....even if they intellectaully know they shouldn't feel like that it can be hard to not emotinally really feel they are getting the short end of the stick...............so mamas just for a minute imagine that you work ALL day away from home and never get to see your kids (beyond a minute in the morning and when they are tired and cranky at night-- and prefer to be with their daddy....) and you sit down with each and every paycheck and write checks to pay bills and their ain't much left.....and you have to wear walmart clothes while your coworkers are decked out in designer garbs.....and you ride to wrok each morning in a beat up jalopy-- which you park next to BMWs and Acuras........and your spouse doesn't understand why you aren't happy to make the sacrifice................................if you can find a way for your DH to get at least one thing that he wants.....its important.

Luna

Luna~ you are so right!! I can't imagine what Dh goes through. He loves our children just as much as I do and he's gone 3-4 days in a row from us. Completely gone, overnight without seeing us. I know it's harder on him than us. We have each other and he's by himself in a hotel room. He does drive an older car and has to park it next to nice cars. He really doesn't mind the old car. He does actually believe that we are doing the best for our family. I would gladly sacrifice for him to have a new car but he won't. He doesn't want to say no to the kids when they want something because he has a car payment to make :) He's a great Dh and dad and hopefully I let him know that enough. I do tell him that he's great and that I understand how hard it is for him. It's very important that we, as the wives and mamas understand what our dh's are dealing with. Thanks for the reminder:hbeat:

It is technically a work truck so the payments come out of the busness savings and not personal.

thats what helps us too, I started 2 businesses and even tho they dont bring in a whole lot of hard cash income, I can deduct my expenses (car, computer, net, phone, oil changes..etc) and pay tax afterwards.

Without a business you pay tax on what you earn and then pay for expenses, while with a business you pay your expenses, then are taxed on whats leftover.

I have been frugal my whole life. I have a letter I sent to my mom from camp when I was 10, comparing the costs of different camera flash bulbs, LOL.

I am frugal now, whether I need to be (which has happened) or want to be (which has happened). I am a saver and always have been. DH doesn't make 6 figures. We've had years he made $20K, and some he made $40K, and we've never had a late fee or paid interest on anything but vehicles. I paid off my van a year early last year, and am now putting extra toward DH's truck every month. Here are some things I do:

college - I expect my kids to go, and they will pay for it

retirement - I have a major savings plan in place this year and am 1/3 there, and it's only February! I am so excited, LOL.

insurance - I need to call this agent back for my 3rd quote, then we will get it

home - we put down 20% to avoid paying PMI. Purchased a lot on the water, since waterfront properties increase in value quicker than dry lots.

furniture - all from inheritance, curb, or Goodwill. DH & I love to curb crawl and dumpster dive.

clothes - thrift store

DH's uniform - shirts provided by work, pants & shoes from thrift or flea market

cell phone - reimbursed by DH's work. I use a calling card, they are less than 3 cents per minute at BJ's and Sam's.

food - I am a big couponer, refunder, stockpiler. We go to the newspaper recycle bin and get out coupon inserts. I have a big stockpile of food, health & beauty items, a freezer full of almost free food, etc. When we were really poor I went to food banks, because any money I could save on food went to paying bills. And yes we dumpster dove for food - our first night we got almost 100# of frozen chicken wings. We ate chicken wings twice a week for a loooooong time, LOL. The local grocery store dropped off day old bread/bakery items at WIC, so I stocked up on those every week.

kids activities - YMCA - I get to work out w/free child care, DD gets dance lessons, both kids get swimming in the summer, etc.

no cable/Tivo/Gameboys, etc.

entertainment - we eat out when I have gotten gift cards that I earn online for free. I also trade items in my picturetrail for gift cards. I do grocery store rebates for gift cards - buy 6 items (cost me $2 after coupons) and get a $10 gift card. Works for me, LOL. Some of them require store receipts so I walk the parking lot and pick up receipts. For movies, I get GC's for Blockbuster for free or next to nothing. Our library sucks, so we rent.

cars - buy used. DH does the oil changes and brake jobs. Pay off early. Pay insurance in full.

vacations - took us 4 years to save for one! Went to Disney & loved it. Bought season passes so we could do weekend trips, checked online for discount codes for hotel, free gas using gas cards as rewards from my credit card, buy dining plan for $360 and eat $887 worth of food, LOL.

I also wash my zipper bags. Reduce/reuse/recycle is my motto. I will do whatever is necessary to ensure I can stay home.

We've "given up" a lot lately in order to put things into savings.

*One car, sold the other so we wouldn't have the pymt. DH is in a class for another week, after that he's riding his bike to work. We will get a truck for hauling wood but it will be older and paid for w/cash.
*Purchasing a house that is small ~tiny~ and needs elbow grease but has land so we can add/improve over time. The house is about 1/5 of what we were preapproved for. I think it's horrible that banks allow people to borrow more than they could pay off. There's no way DH and I would be able to afford a home that costs 5x more. This way we'll be able to pay it off w/in 10 years *at least* and not owe until death.
*Don't eat out. It's usually horrible for you anyhow, DS and I both have food allergies so it's hard to eat out anyhow.
*Don't buy junk food, soda, chips, etc. Wasted calories, wasted money, all of it goes to our hips anyhow. ;)
*We don't have tv. It's radical for some, but DH and I are of the opinion that when we die we won't be thinking that we wished we'd watched more, most likely the other way around.
*Most of our entertainment is free~ picnics at the lake, beach, walks, parks, flying a kite, art projects with items we already have.
*Cook from scratch

We're working on an IRA and mutual funds right now, scraping together what we have slowly so that we'll have something to fall back on when we're older. We do save for the kids to go to college. Why? It's important to us that they have the opportunity to go to college and we don't dump them on the world at 18 with the motto of "fend for yourself" like our parents did. Sure, military pays for education but the military is not a good place for most. I wonder how many of the 18-20 year olds who've died in Iraq were only in for an education? Even those that do their obligated service and get out w/plans to go to school... they now have to pay for rent/mortgage, possibly have a family and all of the other things that go with just being, it's hard to make time to go to school while working and then your time is split between work & school. It's not ideal. Whole 'nother rant. At any rate, it's important to DH and I so we do save for it. (eta: this is my opinion of course re: saving for college, not pushing it on others)

Society will have you believe that you need to keep up with the Jones. Bigger car, nicer house, brand name clothing, cable, the latest episode of Survivor burned into your memory. Pfft! Only if you want to spend your life worrying about what you don't have and how you can manage to pay for it. Dare to be different! One day you'll look back and realize you are watching others in the rat race, chasing the person ahead of them while you are on your way out of the maze. It's a wonderful feeling.

The monthly bills I thought were interesting so I thought I'd write mine down.
(Retirement savings is automatically deducted at the maximum amount for 401K retirement plan through dh's work)

Mortgage (aprox 26% of net pay not gross.
Utilities (gas, phone, internet, electricity)
Credit Card
Educational savings for Airon and Soren.
Trash

Rotating bills that come in every few months:
Car Insurance
Car Registration
Life Ins. dh
Life Ins. Me
Earthquake Ins.
$25 here and there for sports teams for the kids.

Things I save for:
vacation
remodeling projects

Things I'm currently working into the budget:
More retirement savings (specifically for me)
Educational savings for Spencer and baby X
One special activity for each kid per month.

I keep a plan in mind until I can slowly work it into the budget without feeling too much pain. :)

luna, i hear you about the dh's working hard and having to see others in designer clothes...but my dh has the designer clothes...often bought on heavy sales or at thrifts, he just wants the newest things and all the time...he's more of a clothes or shoe hound than most females i know. he loves to shop. his car isn't horrid - it's a 99 saturn, which other than a small spot on the hood which HE chooses not to get fixed is a nice car, even tho it has higher mileage on it...i'm sorry if he wants the newer car and works hard to pay bills - there's no reason for him to have a newer car other than sheer desire. he works less than a mile from our house, so technically the car isn't even needed, just nice to have yk? i have no sympathy for someone who always wants more - i am wearing most of the same clothes i had in high school almost TEN years ago...i have some new clothing, but that's what i've gotten for gifts, not that i've purchased myself. i have bought probably 3 pairs of new shoes in the last 7 years that we've been married. i'm just tired of the "he deserves b/c he works for it" bullcrap - i'm sorry, i work too and just as hard - if not harder. that's crap. sorry, but i get him throwing it in my face enough that he is the one bringing home the paycheck - i don't need someone else saying it too. just to dr phil this convo - sahm's work the equivalent of two full time jobs...so since he does NOTHING at home and works 730-300 as a teacher (wkends, holidays, and summers off), i find it CRAP that i'm supposed to allow him to spend on himself for nice things just b/c he brings home the paycheck. no where in the bible does it say you should want more - it says "where your treasures lie, there will your heart be also"...it says "i have learned, in whatever state i am, to be content"...
i hope i've not offended anyone in my tirade, but i'm tired of trying to be frugal and trying to save $ w/o his help...i totally understand the op's view...

When we lived in IL, we couldn't downgrade any more than we already were, as real estate was $$$ and so were property taxes. So, we moved to Arizona (we also moved because I hated IL, lol). We got into debt living in IL, even with me working PT, because of the high cost of living.......we simply couldn't afford to own a home and pay property taxes there.

Moving to Arizona helped tremedously, then we started working on paying off the debt incured when we were in IL. Here's what helped:

Negotiated w/the credit card companies and got the interest rate lowered on some of them.

Rarely going out

Sold dh's truck (no payments but it got bad mileage) and used the profits to pay debt and bought an older car w/good mileage

Cooking from scratch, no prepacked food

Sending ds1 to public school, where he can participate in extra curricular activities for free

Not replacing animals when they died or got rehomed........that sounds odd, but really, food and vet expenses add up. Now that we only have one dog, we spend very little on animal care.

got on the time useage plan w/our electric company, which saves us about 20.00/month

turn up the thermostat during summer and turn it down during winter :)

I babysit and clean house part time, on an occasional basis, and the money is either used for bills/savings, or for fun for us.


~Kristi

My Dh and I were lucky to have no debt other than our mortgate when I first started staying home. We've never made 6 figures (I wish!). We lived in a very expensive area at the time and had a TINY house -- our mortage ate up a good percentage of our income. We've never been big spenders and have always gravitated toward living cheaply so cutting down even more wasn't too painful. While there weren't HUGE things to cut out of our budget, we started minding the little things and they added up. We stopped eating out --- cooked all meals at home. I stopped buying that occasional drive through coffee or soda. DH brought his lunch every day. Stopped buying books --- got reallly familiar with interlibrary loan and made going to the library a weekly thing --- and NEVER kept stuff out past its due date. NEVER bought new clothes for my son --- fortunately we had good second hand stores around and generous grandparents. Shopped around for cheaper car insurance. Anything we did for entertainment, we made sure we did it for FREE --- got passes to fun places from the library, etc. We became yard sale shoppers --- once you get used to this, it's hard to pay full price for anything again. I occassionally babysat for extra money but we never went out --- paying for a babysitter was too expensive for us.

It didn't take too long for us to get used to living super cheaply. We've since had 2 more children and moved to a cheaper area to live (and sold our tiny house for a HUGE profit! :) We're both still fanatically cheap and don't have tons of extra money floating around but have managed to save for retirement, kids education, invest in our house, etc.

I really recommend reading the Tightwad Gazettes. There are some good tips in there for cutting back.

I think it is easier for us SAHMs because we have put our children first and everyday we get those snuggles and laughs and giggles that remind us why we are doing what we do. we also can so quickly get removed from the work world rat race (thank goodness).....but for our DHs who are the ones working their hineys off 40+ hours a week to have all their money go to bills and not be able to 'enjoy' spending it on whatever is their pleasure (ball games, eating out, nice clothes, ect...).....well i'm sure it feels really crappy. and they are only human....even if they intellectaully know they shouldn't feel like that it can be hard to not emotinally really feel they are getting the short end of the stick...............so mamas just for a minute imagine that you work ALL day away from home and never get to see your kids (beyond a minute in the morning and when they are tired and cranky at night-- and prefer to be with their daddy....) and you sit down with each and every paycheck and write checks to pay bills and their ain't much left.....and you have to wear walmart clothes while your coworkers are decked out in designer garbs.....and you ride to wrok each morning in a beat up jalopy-- which you park next to BMWs and Acuras........and your spouse doesn't understand why you aren't happy to make the sacrifice................................if you can find a way for your DH to get at least one thing that he wants.....its important.

Luna

Thanks Luna, I think you really have a handle on what it's like for dh. Intellectually he knows it's the right thing. In his heart, too. And he needs a boost up once in a while to remind him when every day he is reminded about how the popular culture lives. He's a techie, so he sees his friends at work with nice electronics that he would love to have. His "uniform" :) is Banana Republic or Gap from the outlets. It's reliable, we know it fits him and he will like it. (and he hates to shop, so it makes shopping simple)

We (girls and me) are fairly sheltered from it (popular culture). Fairly, but not completely. I totally agree with what some of you have said about magazines and television ads. I get suckered by them, and HGTV, lol.

I don't know how the other sahms I know do it, Jen. I think partly they do everything on payments so buying that new van doesn't "seem" like a lot of money. So yeah, a lot of their lives are borrowed. I think also a lot of them moved to this town 2-3 years before we did so their mortgages are lower than ours. But some of them no, and I think their dh's probably do make quite a bit more than mine. I get invited to a lot of home shows. I have one particular neighbor I am going to have a talk with because she keeps asking me to go to a scrap class with her and I haven't just been honest with her that scrapbooking isn't in my budget right now. DH read Dave Ramseys' total money makeover, which has encouraged him to get rid of the car payment. Thank goodness. And we'll probably be looking for a lower priced house. We *did* make the mistake of buying a house we qualified for but couldn't really afford. I am hoping with these changes we'll be able to see more of our money. It's tough to find other "frugal" or "thrifty" friends because obviously we aren't going to our neighbors home shows. LOL.

Oh, I did want to mention how very proud I am of my dh who started bringing his lunch to work every day and drinking water. . . and now all his co-workers are doing it too!! And he has lost 5 lbs. :) It was a good chance for me to remind him about how one person's example can make a difference. (good lessons for teens too, with peer pressure)

Mamas, I'm not saying to let your dhs spent like crazy--- or even spend at all...but sometimes it is hard to work and collect a paycheck and not be able to do anything 'fun'-- whatever that looks like.

YES- we mamas work our hiney off too...but being at home and not in the rat race is like not having a TV. we really do get removed from the work day energy.

recently i started watching a sweet boy who is almost 5 and will go to K next year. his mother just went back to work. the first few days she had a difficult time, as did he. but now we are on week 4 and she is totally 'plugged into' work. when you work outside of the home you have to!!!......my point is that it can be difficult for our dhs to remember or see what all we do...and honestly they really don't even know what all we do.

now that said.......i have an exdh who could never see the benefits/cost analysis very clearly and would sabatoge all my efforts to get us ahead......one of the reasons he is an ex.

things i am currently doing to contribute financially:
babysitting
sewing/alterations

Luna

We don't try to keep up with the Jones' for one thing. Our goal is a self-sufficient lifestyle that requires little money to maintain... so the need for a high income is completely eliminated. We currently have no mortgage, no car payments. Our only debt is my student loan. Monthly bills include electric, phone with internet, cell phone, water, netflix, vehicle insurance, health insurance (taken from paycheck), and child support (also taken from pay check and only for another 2 years). Our biggest expense is food and I'm about to wage an all out war on that with a goal to cut it 40% which will put at least another $300 into savings each month. We have done just fine on Rex's current income aside from a few financial surprises here and there that made things a bit bumpy for a week or 2.

Rex starts a new job on Monday that pays a lot more. The price of this higher income means that we will see him a lot less. The money isn't worth it to me nor to him but his current job was ending in April due to company buy-out and this job was pretty much laid in his lap at the perfect time. He'll work there until our saving's has grown to a more comfortable amount (no more than 2 years) and then he will find another job that brings in a decent income while still allowing him to be home with us a lot more often.

We will be starting on our log cabin this year (fingers crossed) and will be building it ourselves on our own land with no bank loan. We will be making it as energy efficient as possible to decrease future spending to the utility companies (we hope to eventually be 100% solar powered ). We'll be growing a large portion of our food.

We aren't worrying about our kids college education. It's doable if the person is committed enough. The only people I've ever known who dropped out of college (have known many) were those whose parent's were footing the bill. Those who worked to afford their college education had a much greater appreciation for it and were much more committed and driven. This isn't to say that kids who don't pay their own way are NOT appreciative. Not at all. I just know that my kids can manage a college education on their own if they so desire. My opinion of even getting a college education is not like most but that's for another thread. I actually hope that my kids follow in our footsteps and end up with a desire to live a life that doesn't necessitate long hours and a large income to maintain. I want them to LIVE and not spend the majority of their days working to AFFORD to live.

Many see us as sacrificing luxuries inorder for me to stay home. I guess we do but it's worth it and I never really think of it as "sacrificing" myself. The kind of life we are aiming for (self-sufficient, simple) is the kind that I long for so it's more like living a dream than having to sacrifice. I have no desire to have a new vehicle nor does my husband. We know so many people struggling to make ends meet who actually think they HAVE to have new vehicles every 2 years. It's a choice they are making... not a necessity or requirement. It feels SO **** good to have such little debt. It was not always like this and the feeling of freedom that it brings is incredible.

A relative was complaining the other day about how tight things were for him financially. He and his wife make about $140,000 a year together (which is excellent here) and his wife just bought a new vehicle that cost them $47,000 with monthly payments of just under $900. They buy new "toys" yearly and they trade vehicles about every 12 months. They are living what many see as the "American dream". They could very easily make it on his salary alone (more than twice hers) but instead they both work to buy "stuff" and put their 2 babies in a daycare 6 days a week. American dream? phffff... no thanks.

Staying home with your kids is a lot easier than most people think. For most families it's like a lot of things... you just have to want it bad enough and be willing to make the "sacrifices" (if you see them as such).

wanted to add that though I'm a stay-at-home mom I do bring in extra income through my crafting. I'm a mom first and the income I bring in is just "extra" not necessary but at times has been helpful. It is wonderful to have this to fall back on if needed.

it absolutely can be done....if it is made a top priority.

10 years ago, as a single mama, i was able to stay home for the most part. i worked 3 shifts at a McCormick and Smitchz---two he was with his dad(fri night/sat day) and one with my mom. AND i worked for a designer making custom high end pillows and wall hangings. i went once a week to her place- with my son- and picked up the weeks loads. then every night after putting my son to bed i sewed. i drove an old car and knew that i could do without much......my son was 3-5yo and i new he would be going to school soon and anything i wanted/needed to have or do i could think about then..........it really is such a short time (if you send your kids to school).

Luna