you hold them versus having them'sit' someplace etc. What did your day look like?

i am NOT opposed to having multiples "sit" in some kind of gear. with one baby it seemed silly for our family but with two it seemed to be needed.

HOWEVER, my babies had different feelings--they were both convinced they were singletons and would not be put down :nono: . in fact, we're pretty sure some trickster told rachel that she was a firstborn :rolleyes: .

what did our day look like?

it looked like putting one fire out a time. it looked like almost always multi-tasking plus. i could nurse two babies and fold laundry at the same time (ez twin pillow thingie). i could (still can) easily change one baby will nursing the other--yes, even washing the hands.

but more importantly, what did it feel like?

it felt like i was never good enough. it felt like i had failed as a mother. someone was often crying because i just couldn't get to them. someone was always left out. my older children did not get enough help from me. dh got little to no attention. i never even sent thank you notes. i was a bad friend.

i went days on end with two to three hours sleep total for at least the first eighteen months. i was running my business and catching up on laundry in the wee hours of night.

if i had to do everything over i don't know what i would do different. that's sad. i feel like i completely failed everyone but i'm not ever sure what i should have done. it's probably just my own lack of character, laziness, and disorganization that left me feeling like this. i really hope it's not the same for you. but if it is, rest assured you are absolutely not the first mom of multiples to feel completely inadequate for such an honor.

((((tikva)))) with prayers that i am not making it worse.

The first four months I literally sat in a recliner and held them both, all day. I was fortunate that my SIL was here during the days to help me with my other kids. Even then, the twins cried nearly non-stop and my other kids needed me and I just felt overwhelmed.

As soon as they could start sitting up I took turns holding one and looking at the other. Now that they're running all over the place and cute and snuggly I just lay down and let them crawl all over me. They love it and I'm able to interact with both at once.

I think twins learn early on not to expect to be held all the time. They're just used to what they're used to, yk?

And Danica, I'm amazed at the things you accomplished and I am sorry you are still feeling like you should have done more. :(

Well, my day kind of goes like this:
We've been sleeping in (and letting dh take care of getting the boys ready and off to school - bad me, I know, but I'm hiding under the covers as long as I can get away with it), getting up and nursing, getting dressed and meandering downstairs by 9:30ish.
They are usually happy to play a bit, and like to lay on the floor under a toy bar. They then take some type of nap. Morning is usually my only shot to get something done in the house.
I end up not eating lunch until after 1 - just with the babies needing to nurse and all, that's about when lunch happens. often I eat while holding someone.
I also have bouncy seats which I bought so that when I put them down, they wouldn't have hteir heads on something hard - go figure, they prefer the floor to the seats.
Most of the afternoon, i spend juggling babies and laying them down when I get the chance - under that toy bar thing.
Evenings, forget about doing anything. I do put my kids to bed - someone usually helps with the babies while I do that.
My oldest comes home from school and immediately picks up a baby - it's great to have him come home.
I usually eat dinner while dh helps by holding a baby or by serving me so I can eat and hold.
I sit at the computer while nursing (which is practically all day) and am feeling a bit bad for giving the babies screen time (LOL), butg I can't really read the paper because it's not so conducive to quiet nursing.
I guess, I'm just feeling guilty for putting them down so often. Shouldnt I be holding them more?

Shouldnt I be holding them more?

ummmmm...no! some people (who have not had twins) may tell you that you should treat them like two singletons. that would be fabulous if you were two mothers, but one person can only do so much.

it really sounds like you have things running smoothly. way to go! it seems pointless to mess with a plan that's working just to live up to some ideal.

lol--now i feel like i should go back and edit my post. oops. i thought you were having a hard time because you always have at least one baby in arms.

Don't go back and edit your post - I appreciate you POV. Right now I'm nursing Gedalya and Tehila just started crying :(. I feel guilty when I can't be there for both babies. And if anyone has any auggestions for getting my kitchento stay clean and make dinner, please! let me know.

If it's at all feasible, hiring help was the best thing I ever did. It seriously pulled me out of a depression and helped me enjoy my babies. Even someone to clean one or two hours a week, or make a weeks worth of meals to freeze can be a lifesaver.

It sounds like things are going pretty well for you. I think your babes are getting plenty of love - and remember they've never known more attention than this - but I know the awful feeling when two babies need you and you can only help one at a time.

My cleaning lady went and QUIT! on me! I'm in the market fo hwlp, but right now have none. Can you tell I'm holding someone? soorry for typo.s

GET A BLOODY SWING!!!!! Yes, I'm yelling but for some babies (not all) the swing soothes them so you don't feel frantic when they cry. Either call someone to pick up/borrow a swing from the gemach ( the "ch" is hard like the german "ach" - it's a free loan program set up in our community that has EVERYTHING you would need for a baby - your own or a visitor). If you call the person that runs it I'll bet she would even bring it over!!!! DO IT!!!

Okay, I shouldn't yell and re-reading your post I'm not sure I'm even on the right topic. Oh well! Enjoy! It was nice seeing you last night and cute pic!

ummmmm...no! some people (who have not had twins) may tell you that you should treat them like two singletons. that would be fabulous if you were two mothers, but one person can only do so ....

very true!

Mine are almost 5 and I really don't remember how we made it through. They are just as happy and well adjusted as their younger sisters who got way more holding and cuddling. At first you just do what you have to do, and then time fogs all the memories into a happy haze.

I had vibrating bouncies and a swing and 2 sets of rechargeable batteries for each. I also DID sit and nurse them a lot esp as I had my mom there for 2 weeks after they came home from the NICU - but after that - I had 5 kids ages 4 and under to care for and couldn't just sit and hold them. I often carried one around with me while I did other stuff - but honestly - I used the swing and bouncies a LOT in the beginning. There was lots to look at/see with the older kids and I would try not to leave them in it if they were fussy for longer than I would HAVE to (sometimes you just can't get to everyone right away. :( ). It was hard - sometimes they cried, sometimes I cried, sometimes my older ones cried. They are almost 2 now and it's SO much easier! Like Danica (though I didn't have a business like she did) - I got 4 hours or less of sleep the whole first year of having twins. My kitchen wasn't usually clean and many times the only way I got any sort of food for my kids for lunch was just rice in the rice cooker or my 4 year old would make sandwiches for everyone.