Why do I feel bad/guilty/like a crappy mom when I read a post like the Kindergarten post in alt. learning forum???

I keep repeating to myself that I'm not pushing him, and I know I'm not. But still it makes me feel like crap when people paint you a picture of "you'll see" "after 3rd grade they'll stop" "it's gonna put strain on relationship/family" "academics are crap play is the only way for little ones to learn" etc.

Yeah I'm paranoid and always take everything personally. It's hard not to.

You know what? Vidura would lose it if all we did were nature walks and play.

I buy him age appropriate board games and he cries that they are for babies. Except for Hi Ho cherry Ho because he managed to create new rules that make it more interesting. Otherwise he likes parcheesi, chess and stuff like that.

He plays, all the darned time. He has little people and he makes them recite sanskrit verses to each other :hahaha: he plays with toys, makes sand castles at the park every day, goes on the slides, you know, he's a REAL kid!
He's not a robot, not a machine. But yes, he can spend 3-4 hours a day just doing work books, staring at a board where i draw and write lessons, etc.

I don't force anything. If anything he's the one forcing it on me.
You tell him birds are born in eggs, he won't be satisfied, you also have to tell him how they live/develop/breathe in there, and what the shell is made of, how it forms inside the mother. That's the way he is. Not the way "I made him" ykwim?

**** sometimes I wish he was just "normal" :sob:

Anyway, this post is pointless I guess, but I need to get it off my chest.
Ys,
Radhanuga

I don't belong to this particular forum, but I always read the new posts. He is "normal". He is like everyone else- different:) No one is made the same, and what he wants to do is what interests him. You sound like you feel very guilty, but if he is insisting on doing the reading and writing, typical school activities, then you are not pushing him. I think the only problem is when a parent feels insecure and pushes a child to study and achieve the goals he/she never met. But if he's happy and voluntarily asking to do such academic things, then I would not be worried..like my eloquent use of the word "things"?!

I'm sorry if those kind of posts hurt you.

You have to do what is best for your child. My boys are very bright; DH and I were both in gifted programs as children, I know what my IQ is above (but not the actual number). My 5YO often blows me away with his ability to do complicated math in his head. They have amazing vocabularies. They ask deep questions. Vidura quotes sanskrit verses, my boys know all of the words to "Band on the Run" and various other Wings and Beatles songs. Who knows where they will focus their energies.

Someone asked me what I would do if they "weren't" gifted. I had to step back and really think about what I wanted their childhood to be like. I decided that for us, it was important not to focus their early lives on academics. I believe that you never get the time back and that they only get once chance to be young children.

Still, they didn't push when I took away academics. If they had it might have been a different story. DS#2 is more of an unschooler; what he knows blows me away, but he doesn't want to do workbooks, etc. DS#1 was actually able to understand everything I was teaching him, but was a bit bored (oh, how I know that feeling!).

I have spent the last couple of years redirecting. It isn't necessarily away from academics completely. And a lot of what you do in a Waldorf kindergarten is academic, they just don't call it that. It's sort of an unschooling approach to academics. We cook a lot, and work with fractions as well as the chemical reactions between foods and heat. When we walk we talk about trees, the different kinds, etc. We examine leaves in detail. You get the idea. It is still learning, just very hands on and experiential and not a workbook based learning.

If you are doing what Vidura wants then you have no need to worry. Educational styles are a small blip on the map of parenting. They don't make or break a child. Personally, I would get the workbooks out of the house and redirect like mad to see if he could become accustomed to more experiential learning. But that's me. If you are comfortable with what you are doing and his level of play then don't worry! He is normal! Kids are bright; it is public school that often "dumbs" them "down".

Peace,

Kimberly

See that's the thing, he does get the hands on too. We go to the park and forest every day, we cook together everyday, he does a ton (and I mean from the moment he gets up) of pretend play, dress up, etc... We read a lot of stories (though he doesn't like fantaisy very much).

So as far as I'm concerned he gets all the hands on and play a kid his age does. I think he balances everything pretty well.

I tried Waldorf a bit, a friend lent me her Oak meadow stuff, he hated the stories, he was miserable and kept asking daily when we were getting his workbooks back. Funny think it that he doesn't even write yet, well now just a few letters, but he "stamps" the answers in, hehe. (we have alphabet stamps and ink pad)
We do a lot of painting, coloring, drawing (I went to art school and my Dad was an artist) we do bhajans (I play harmonium and we both sing Bengali and Sanskrit songs)

Anyway, I guess I'm just sensitive and emotional lately. Dang. Lol.

Thank you for replies though, I really appreciate :heart:

I think there are a lot of people that believe if the children are younger than 'typical' and doing certain things... they are being force fed.

What they don't understand is the different way that truely gifted kids think. They just are wired differently.

I'm going to get some good links/resources from my mom and post them. She is a gifted coordinator for the county, and has access to LOTS of resources. She has some really good links for gifted kids - including gifted preschoolers and early elementary. Believe me, having her really understand that we are not forcing has been a life saver.

And I absolutely hate it when people refer to gifted children as mini adults. No they aren't. They are children - their brains just work differently than typical children. Just becasue they are understanding higher level concepts - doesn't mean they aren't children first. And sometimes their brains just go into overload - with thinking/analyzing so much all the time.

Anyway, I will be finding some good gifted child links. Not just more work, but really ideas for how to work with gifted children. Going more in depth - because that is what they crave/need.

I'm sorry you feel pressured. I sort of did too, and i could see some of my words justifying what we have done. Frustrating when we let others words and opinions bother us so much.

Thank you :hug:

Hey mama...I'm right there with you...:rub:

My dd (now 10) was just like Vidura. I didn't know anything different and thought she was "normal". It wasn't until dr.'s and friends would oooh and ahhh that I thought something was up.

Because of her huge attention span and need to be fed information, I think that I encouraged it all too much and she ended up a "little adult" at 5 and 6 and really stressed out. I sent her to a deveopmental school when she could just be and she became more of a child.

It's hard to be a mama to an "accelerated" learner. Lots of people can judge, but you are the only one who sees him and knows him. Don't doubt yourself. My dd got sooooo frustrated learning to write her name that we put it away for 4 weeks. It was hard the first couple of days, but then it really didn't matter to her. Eventually she was able to write her name w/out frustration.

So, not sure what I wanted to say, but don't feel bad mama...I understand and think you are a wonderful mama!!!! :hug:

I totally understand. That's why when I was where you are, I just didn't post about it much. It gets more OK as they get older. Erik reading, at 4, isnt' as notable as Erik reading, at 2. yk?

I finally was able to take the view that I would just do what Erik needed NOW. There's no way to predict what he'd be like later. And wisdom from others who had been there really helped, especially when I was considering what curriculum to get and many said "don't do anything, just let him play". The reality for us is, I DO let him play. And we school. Some seem to think that it's mutually exclusive. But really, Erik spends a lot of time engaged in what he wants. We just also school.

And then I think about it--as a general principle, I do agree with that perspective of better late than early. I certainly did before I had kids. And then I had my kids.

As Vidura gets older, it will get easier. The "skills" are more hidden, the giftedness not quite as obvious. Everyone is schooling, so it's less notable that you are. You will be able to choose who to tell the extreme level at which he works ;)

Have you read on the hoagies page and others about profoundly gifted kids? They are different, even than other gifted kids. http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/underserved.htm

OK, I just read the thread, and now I more clearly understand. :hug: I felt the same way. You know, Erik learned to read WITHOUT structured academics. He learned the alphabet on his own. I didn't sit him down for 30 minutues or longer at a time. I fought it for soooooooo long. I didn't want him to read, because of threads like that. But he did anyway.

Yes, I hate seeing families push their kids, force them to perform. I also hate that gifted young kids are seen as being pushed, and that I'm hurting him by not letting him just play.

But then I go back to what I wrote in the PP. NOt all gifted kids are the same. And some of them you just can't hold back. I would have had to remove books from our house to keep Erik from reading. :)

I do think you're taking that a bit too personally. Those of us who talked of pushing kids, were talking about free play and exploration being pushed aside for academics. Which, obviously, is not the case with you.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with workbooks when the children really enjoy them. I can realte on that aspect, as b oth of my girls have loved them from the get go.

Speaking for myself, the issues I have seen have come from instances where sit-down academics were coming before other hands on types of learning. Where a young child has 3-5 hours of structured activities a day, but very limited time for chosing their own ways to learn.

Sorry the thread made you feel insecure, but I can assure you it wasn't about you or your situation. :hug:

Meeshi, but when you (and others) post stuff about the forcing of academics at young ages, it is a bit unnerving. A lot of times the way people write things comes across as a 'my way is the best way' and it can be very insulting. I am probably guilty of this, too, because (obviously) if we thought we weren't doing something the "RIGHT" way we would be doing it differently. But each child is so unique. Add into that a higher than typical IQ and a child begging to learn more and more and deeper and deeper - and others look at it like force spoon fed information. And that is insulting to a mom who is really trying to do her best.


I had a long post typed out, but I just don't think that I can put into words what I am thinking.

Basically, we just need to respect each other. So what if someone WERE force feeding information. THEY are the ones who have to live with teh consequences (whatever they may be). I just hate that even amongst the homeschooling community there is such a stimgma for the perfect way of homeschooling. And it's comments about people force feeding (or comments about unschoolers, I know we all have heard/read them) that just fuel that.

You know, Erik learned to read WITHOUT structured academics. He learned the alphabet on his own. I didn't sit him down for 30 minutues or longer at a time. I fought it for soooooooo long. I didn't want him to read, because of threads like that. But he did anyway.


Same here :)

Have you read on the hoagies page and others about profoundly gifted kids? They are different, even than other gifted kids. http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/underserved.htm

I don't think he's that "bad" ;)
And if he ends up being another Einstein I sure hope he'll use his gift in something more productive than creating mass-destruction weapons :p

Thank you mamas for the support. It's nice to not feel "alone".

Going back to calculating when the next time will be that Sun Earth and Pluto will be aligned :hahaha:

I do think you're taking that a bit too personally. Those of us who talked of pushing kids, were talking about free play and exploration being pushed aside for academics. Which, obviously, is not the case with you.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with workbooks when the children really enjoy them. I can realte on that aspect, as b oth of my girls have loved them from the get go.

Speaking for myself, the issues I have seen have come from instances where sit-down academics were coming before other hands on types of learning. Where a young child has 3-5 hours of structured activities a day, but very limited time for chosing their own ways to learn.

Sorry the thread made you feel insecure, but I can assure you it wasn't about you or your situation. :hug:

i don't think "insecure" is the appropriate word here. i totally know how she feels because i, too, am in the minority of people whose children thrive on structured academics. posts like the ones made in that thread are incredibly narrow minded, imo. they don't take into consideration gifted children. the only reason i say anything at all about this is that i find myself always trying to downplay what my son does, which doesn't seem right. other moms post "she knows her letters!!" or "he recognizes numbers!" and gets lots of applause, congratulation, and encouragement. but someone posts that their 3 or 4 year old is doing reading novels, doing math in their head, starting chemistry (you go, heather!!!) or thrives on hours of seatwork every day and suddenly the replies turn to "the child's too young, you're pushing him, children need to be children, etc...."
our "school day" is several hours long. my son insists on it. mornings are school time. then, after lunch, he spends all afternoon playing. we play board games. he rides bikes. he plays with his friends. he picks on his brother. he makes tents and forts and plays soccer and tee ball with the neighbors. he tells a mean knock knock joke.
but if i need to take away a privilege, the one thing that will get his attention fastest is to take away a spelling list or a page of math problems. he adores seatwork. he loves copying sentences and correcting punctuation and grammar. he loves having pretend spelling bees. he loves to draw. he paints.
sorry i've rambled, but this thread hit a nerve.
all children are different. they all learn differently. they all prefer different learning methods. i think we need to respect that in one another and not make judgements that may not intend to hurt, but really do come across as an insult, like we actually push our children. most gifted kid's parents do the opposite. they try to hold them back.....i know i'm guilty of that. and the only reason i do it? because society, and particularly other mothers, are highly critical of mothers whose children are different than theirs.
just my two cents.

Well, I guess I feel as if that's one of the strange phenomena of online discussion boards. When one Mama posts about needing a neat house to feel together, sometimes Mamas with messy houses take it personally. If someone posts about what companies they boycott and why, Mamas who shop there get defensive.

Basically, I think it's healthier to take information presented at face value and not try to compare yourself to others ideals, standards, ethics, you name it. Again, that'sd my own take on things, and probably why I don't get all offended or upset about posts here, even if they are saying things that go against how "we" do things.

Sure, I do cringe when I hear of children being *pushed* into so much sit down work. I also cringe when I hear of kids watching hours of TV, eating junk food... That's my honest reaction, yet does it really have an affect on people who do this and feel fine with it? Not at all.

I am sure many would crfinge at things we do or don't do, too. but, the bottom line is if you truly feel ok with what you're doing, why would you let it bother you if someone doesn't aggree?

Well, I guess I feel as if that's one of the strange phenomena of online discussion boards. When one Mama posts about needing a neat house to feel together, sometimes Mamas with messy houses take it personally. If someone posts about what companies they boycott and why, Mamas who shop there get defensive.

Basically, I think it's healthier to take information presented at face value and not try to compare yourself to others ideals, standards, ethics, you name it. Again, that'sd my own take on things, and probably why I don't get all offended or upset about posts here, even if they are saying things that go against how "we" do things.

Sure, I do cringe when I hear of children being *pushed* into so much sit down work.
I am sure many would crfinge at things we do or don't do, too. but, the bottom line is if you truly feel ok with what you're doing, why would you let it bother you if someone doesn't aggree?


Which is why I posted my vent in this particular forum. I asked Jo and Brian to set up this forum for us mothers of gifted children, because we can vent/share/discuss and support each other.

People who don't have gifted children honestly can't even begging to understand. No logic applies to them. No "norm" applies to them. They are special need. They are intense. Most of the time we just sit in front of them with our mouth open not able to say or do anything because we are totally overwhlemed by them, their knowledge, their ways, their thinking.

I didn't post on said thread because my point wasn't to debate with parents of "normal" (whatever that may mean) children. I came here because I knew the mamas would understand and help me go through this hard emotional spot with their experience and kind words.

So I did not get defensive in the thread, nor did the other mamas in my situation, because all we can do is sit down and cling our fists, because we (our kids) are not the norm and those who don't know just can't get it.

Michael is not as gifted as Vidura (from what I can tell of your posts) but he is 5 and at the same level or more advanced - in a lot of things than Melissa age 6. Blows me away how easily he catches on to math. I totally had planned to take a more unschooling "better late than early" approach - but that's just not doing it for him. He needs structure and he is able easily to work with Melissa and learns things in less time than she does. Though for goven't purposes right now I have him as K and her as 1st grade when they are mostly doing the same work. Melissa is quite bright as well though. Both are night and day from my 4 year old Maddy - who I can't imagine starting any kind of workbook or learn to read program with her. It would be forcing it. She's not ready. Hard for me because I was always extremely advanced academically - reading well before first grade and so on. But all kids are different. From everythign I've read - you are doing a great job with Vidura.

just a hug for my sweetie :hug:

Why do I feel bad/guilty/like a crappy mom when I read a post like the Kindergarten post in alt. learning forum???

I keep repeating to myself that I'm not pushing him, and I know I'm not. But still it makes me feel like crap when people paint you a picture of "you'll see" "after 3rd grade they'll stop" "it's gonna put strain on relationship/family" "academics are crap play is the only way for little ones to learn" etc.

Yeah I'm paranoid and always take everything personally. It's hard not to.

You know what? Vidura would lose it if all we did were nature walks and play.

I buy him age appropriate board games and he cries that they are for babies. Except for Hi Ho cherry Ho because he managed to create new rules that make it more interesting. Otherwise he likes parcheesi, chess and stuff like that.

He plays, all the darned time. He has little people and he makes them recite sanskrit verses to each other :hahaha: he plays with toys, makes sand castles at the park every day, goes on the slides, you know, he's a REAL kid!
He's not a robot, not a machine. But yes, he can spend 3-4 hours a day just doing work books, staring at a board where i draw and write lessons, etc.

I don't force anything. If anything he's the one forcing it on me.
You tell him birds are born in eggs, he won't be satisfied, you also have to tell him how they live/develop/breathe in there, and what the shell is made of, how it forms inside the mother. That's the way he is. Not the way "I made him" ykwim?

**** sometimes I wish he was just "normal" :sob:

Anyway, this post is pointless I guess, but I need to get it off my chest.
Ys,
Radhanuga
OMG- I started that post and I never meant to hurt you, or anyone else, mama! I am so sorry! Vidura is an exceptional boy: he's bilingual and is starting to read, or he already knows how to? How old is he now, 3? Well, my Henry will be five this month, and can not read, doesn't care to learn his letters or numbers and writes his name like this: HoOttTooOOHTTtttoooXxXoO
See my concern? LOL
I apologize for making you feel less than. You are not in the least, mama! When I read how well Vidura is doing, how precocious he is, I panic, and think "Why can't Henry do those things? Why doesn't he even care to do those things?" I know one should never compare oneself to another, much less your child but I am human and tend to be very insecure when it comes to homeschooling my young boys. Honestly, without the support I get here, I don't know where I'd be. I love you all!
Again, my apologies. I never meant to hurt you! Please forgive me!
Amy
ETA I would have never seen this post since it was in the "gifted" forum. I clicked on "new posts" just to let you know.
ETAA One reason why I am so insecure about HSing, is because my FIL is Korean and I swear, he went to school six days a week, maybe 10 hours a day for his whole academic career, not counting the war, of course. So, he thinks drill work, endless hours doing mindless lessons are the way to learn. It worked for him, he is extremely bright, top of his class in college, etc. When he sees us homeschooling, he doesn't agree. Our kids can't learn unless they're in a building.
Again, my apologies to anyone I may have offended.

I must take responsibility for speaking out as well on that thread.

I did say that each family must do what is right for their child and I mean that!!
I have 2 gifted children, one that is extremely so!! So, I know the challenges.

But, what I was saying as someone else pointed out is that families who pushed academics and didn't allow free time is when the child will put on the breaks!!

I was the one who said it would hit them in the face by 3rd grade as I have seen it in several families (not just homeschoolers). These are the ones who pushed academics and I mean pushed because one family, in particular, wanted to have her children finish high school early!!! Her children are bright but not gifted and I felt sorry for them for a long time because they just seemed to be missing something. But through our friendship, I have learned from her and she now sees the benefit of letting go and letting them be for a while.

I was not trying to offend anyone, merely share observations.

I do agree with Meeshi about being offended by certain things that I see and cringing when I read something that isn't done the way I think is right BUT, I do know that people have to be where they are as changing and growing goes on all the time. I know I am a different person, wife and mother I was 5 years ago. I did things then I don't do now!!

I am sorry you felt bad by the things brought up. You seem to be giving Vidura a wonderful life and educational journey!!!

I also type and think way too fast sometimes and may not reveal my thoughts as nicely as I would like, like now, I am typing, sitting with 2 yo and talking to my mom at the same time so please forgive my often blunt behavior on the internet.

(((HUGS)))

That's the beauty of homeschooling, isn't it? We each get to choose what works best for our child. In your case...from what I'm reading here, Vidura needs more in the way of academics. He thrives on it. Enjoys it. What's wrong with that? I thinks it's great. :hug:

Again, my apologies. I never meant to hurt you! Please forgive me!


AAAAWWWWWWW Amy you NEVER offended me :heart:
Nobody did offend me at all, I was just venting, I'm so sorry my post came out the worng way.
It just happened that after a day with people irl telling me how Vidura is a mini adult and I push him to hard I came accross the post and got very emotional. I am very sorry I didn't mean to start anything.

Amy you know I :heart: you and you can never offend me.


And Tracey same thing :) it wasn't directed at anyone, I was really just venting. Combination of events in the same day...

:o

And thank you everyone for your kind words, :hug: and support, I really appreciate.

I understand.. I've been accused of pushing Lindsey her whole life.. she's not where Vidura is, but she was talking in sentances by her first birthday, etc.. people just don't understand and I actually had someone tell me they were uncomfortable with their children playing with her because she's too intimidating.. my kids are too intense for quite a few other people too.. which makes me sad.. but they are who they are, kwim? Best thing we can do as parents is to encourage them and answer the questions they ask us...

I have been told by many here, and other places, that they feel they have to "hide" their children's "giftedness" because they don't want to worry others or have others compare their children. But we still need a place to talk, to share ideas, etc. If I were to post on alt. learning "I need a chemistry curriculum for my 4-year-old" I would invariably get at least one response of "Just let him play, don't do a curric. with him yet." The same is true on many other sites. "Our" hope for this forum was a place to get specific suggestions and support, without worrying others or having that constant mantra of "don't push them".

And I tell you, I was soooo "better late than early" before I was faced with Erik. I remember telling someone when Erik was 18 months old or so that I wasn't going to do any academic work with him, I was in no rush for him to learn the alphabet, no way I was going to quiz him on it.... and 2 months later, he knew the whole alphabet. So much for me getting to teach it to him at the "appropriate" age.

Which is why I posted my vent in this particular forum. I asked Jo and Brian to set up this forum for us mothers of gifted children, because we can vent/share/discuss and support each other.

People who don't have gifted children honestly can't even begging to understand. No logic applies to them. No "norm" applies to them. They are special need. They are intense. Most of the time we just sit in front of them with our mouth open not able to say or do anything because we are totally overwhlemed by them, their knowledge, their ways, their thinking.


exactly.

Kaya has always been ahead of the pack on so many thing, I truly do understand having a child that is hard to keep up with. I won't list all of the things she can do, but needless to say, she has even surpassed her 7 year old sister in some subjects.

I hope you can all see how different that is from pushing a child who is not into it.

I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. I just wanted to express how I see people taking things personally that aren't so. If you're not pushing your child past their comfort level, then please don't read into others posts that you must be. Only you and your child know if what you're doing is too much, too soon.

Who knows where they will focus their energies.

I love this thought.

I have been fortunate enough not to hear negitive things about what my DD does or doesn't do but only because she chooses to focus in an area that isn't obvious to strangers. She focuses on art. She was scribbling at 10 months, drawing faces before she was 2. Now at 5 she is in art classes with 10 year olds, working on perspective and shading. I would never have considered pushing her to do these things. Still when we tried to hold her to her age group in art class she was bored and disruptive. Turns out we weren't the ones pushing, she was pulling!

That's the hardest part in parenting a gifted child, balancing their need for stimulation with the constraints that other people have on their age.

I'm glad to have a place where the parents of gifted kids can vent and get support.

Chole

Kaya has always been ahead of the pack on so many thing, I truly do understand having a child that is hard to keep up with. I won't list all of the things she can do, but needless to say, she has even surpassed her 7 year old sister in some subjects.

I hope you can all see how different that is from pushing a child who is not into it.

I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. I just wanted to express how I see people taking things personally that aren't so. If you're not pushing your child past their comfort level, then please don't read into others posts that you must be. Only you and your child know if what you're doing is too much, too soon.

Meeshi--
Can you see how Anne might take this as you invalidating her feelings? If you feel they are appropriate or inappropriate, by saying that they are unfounded DOES invalidate them in a sense. Whether or not she should feel this way isnt the question-- the fact is that she DOES feel this way is what she was venting about here. I know you didn't mean to offend, but by rewording, you could have probably avoided a lot of hurt feelings. It seems to me that essentially you were trying to say "if you know what you are doing is right for your child, then dont let what other people say affect you". Instead it came across as " what you are feeling is silly, and you shouldn't feel this way".

BTW, I swear I am not trying to jump on you (you know I like you :) ), I am just trying to say that more care with your words could go a long way.

Sure, Heather. I'm just upsetting people left and right these days. I tend to be blunt, especially when posting quickly between running to the bathroom. I guess I have to remember that I have hardened myself against taking things *so* personally, but others are very vulnerable to it.

My whole point is....eh nevermind. It would just come out wrong anyway.

Sorry you're feeling hurt, Anne. I am pretty sure you know I truly like you. I know you have deep insecurity issues, and I just hurt you more instead of helping you see it's not personal. Sorry.

If I was that type of person it would make me feel better that you must be pushing since my son is not reading at age 7. However I know they learn differently and I don't really want my kids to be to far ahead of me. I am more envious of people who are more organized then I am then how much their children know.

As I once again drool over my RR catalog (trying too) convince myself that No, I don't need another book to teach him how to read he just needs time.

Hi Anne. I totally know where you are coming from - I was accused of being a "flashcard mom" more than once when my eldest was tiny.

What strikes me as ironic is that if I had to best characterize the homeschooling style our family uses, many would call it educational neglect.

Want to hear a funny? She started lying about her age at the ripe old age of 2. She got so sick of people overhearing her say something and ask her how old she was - only to say "no, you must be older than that. . . " that she just started answering that she was 5. When I asked her about it, she told me that she was just frustrated that people bother her with a question when they won't listen to the answer.

I have 3 kids. They are all different. Had I been pushing my kids, I can assure you that I would not have had one reading before her 2nd birthday, and one before her 6th. Oh, and the 3 year old just started sounding out words, but has no desire to pick up books and read like her sisters have.

The nice thing I found about homeschooling was that we have time for everything. P can spend time doing her "academic" type stuff, and we have plenty of time for messy play, hiking, the spending hours in the childrens areas of the museums we visit, etc.

You know what? I made a big mistake this year. We are healing from a particularly hard year that involved illness and death in our extended family, and necessitated my being away from my kids for a month this summer. I was trying to focus first on emotional needs, and I begged my eldest to "just be" this year - to please not put stress on herself about keeping up with the things she wants to learn, which is something she has always done. She can be intense. For a while, it looked like it was working nicely. About the only academic-looking things she was doing was reading poetry and writing her own poems about her feelings.

Then after 6 months, she exploded. We were in a local art museum, and I noticed that she was standing in front of pictures muttering to herself. I gently asked what she was doing, and she burst out into tears because there were "too many paintings/artists/styles" to memorize in one visit. She became more hysterical than I have ever seen a child before. She began screaming at me that I was holding her back, that I didn't understand, that she had the right to want to learn, it honestly became so bad that two security guards came over and seperated her from me, to ask if she was OK, or if she was being abused at home. (which of course freaked her out even more, but she was able to clearly state that she was safe, but frustrated beyond belief.)

I wound up grabbing the kids, calling DH to come home, dropping my younger two off at a friends, and DH and snuggled up with DD to let her tell us everything. Turns out that she gave up on "academics" when I asked because she thought *I* needed the break (and OK, I'd be lying if I said I didn't need a break from the intensity once in a while) but that she truly was feeling more stress watching the time that she could be "book learning" slipping away. She is aware, BTW, that "book learning" is not the only type of learning in the world, and she does fine in real life types of things. But she *craves* memorizing things, delving deeply into subjects not considered "age appropriate", and discussing intricate concepts with adults. Before this year, I had never stopped her before, and apparently I was wrong to even try.

I realize how this sounds on paper. Let me assure you that we have spoken to her doctor at great length over the years about the level of intensity that she can exhibit, and yes, she has also been formally evaluated. She has no formal diagnosis, but, I'm aware that we need to work with her on the intensity with which she approaches life. But we need to do that within the framework of who she is, not ask her to deny this part of herself that has been present since she was tiny, yk?

So, yeah, I can read a post about a child like Vidura and not assume that he is missing out on any "real" experiences, play, etc. And I can also empathize with Anne, and repeat what someone above said - I couldn't live without the hoagies site, lol. Just last night we had to use it to find information about Einstein's 1905 papers, Brownian motion and Fractles. At 11 PM. All stemming from an hour long lecture at the local Astronomical Society that DH took her too. And DD fell asleep with a smile on her face.

I don't tend to check out gifted forums as I like to do my own thing without knowing other kids are doing xyz. I know that's bad, but I don't care what other people do. I also know that what others have done has no bearing on us. Having 2 teens has taught me that. :rainbow:

I have a mix of 'gifted' and 'very bright'. It is what it is and you just do what it is you do. I don't follow any type of particular curric. I just do what my kids need me to do--whatever that might be. We have also sent some kids to private school at various times.

Don't worry about what other people do or don't do. I don't like to try and explain anything we do, or don't do. You will find your way as long as you follow your child.

There is no 'one way'.

I don't tend to check out gifted forums as I like to do my own thing without knowing other kids are doing xyz. I know that's bad, but I don't care what other people do. I also know that what others have done have no bearing on us. Having 2 teens has taught me that. :rainbow:

I have a mix of 'gifted' and 'very bright'. It is what it is and you just do what it is you do. I don't follow any type of particular curric. I just do what my kids need me to do--whatever that might be. We have also sent some kids to private school at various times.

Don't worry about what other people do or don't do. I don't like to try and explain anything we do, or don't do. You will find your way as long as you follow your child.

There is no 'one way'.

This is waay OT, but how did you get to this place? I mean, I literally obsess about what others are doing, and if they're excelling, I feel so incompetent; like I'm letting my child down. I need to be where you are!!

Sorry for being OT-

This is waay OT, but how did you get to this place? I mean, I literally obsess about what others are doing, and if they're excelling, I feel so incompetent; like I'm letting my child down. I need to be where you are!!

Sorry for being OT-


LOL

Well, ok, first, it's not that I never worry about making sure they have 'enough'. I don't think a parent ever stops having concern.

What I don't do is care what other people are doing. I know how thoughtful dh and I have been regarding the individual emotional and educational needs of our kids. I know we've thought long and hard about what we do and offer.

As I said, I have teens, so through them I can see we are on the right track. They are engaged and engaging, eager and open.

My middle son has gone to private school and has been hs'd and is now back at private school. We don't make changes lightly, but follow his needs. All of my children have been able to have various private lessons of things they've needed/desired. We've been blessed to be able to provide that. My oldest is taking French classes outside of school because of his interests, and the fact that he is already taking as many in -school classes his school allows. He also has private music instruction in addition to his school music program. He has also had a Latin tutor in the past.

My hsers have more freedom, but it's a bit harder, as we don't have a nice private school group to lean on. (I have to say the school is really helpful with my questions about my hsers. I have been able to get some materials, and bounce ideas off good people). My youngest is easiest. I have to keep her in books, yarn, and friends. And as long as my oldest dd has access to her art and barn, it's all good. We've been able to find good tutors as needed as well. I don't like to rely too much on that (meaning I want the kids to have much free time to follow their own heads as much as possible), but they have been a blessing when needed, and we've needed them.

All the examples aside, we just follow our kids. Kids who live in a print and opportunity rich environment will thrive. My kids are ok, and that's how I get to the place where I don't care what others do. lol

I never think it's my job to help people 'get us'.

I'm sorry you feel hurt. From what you have said, your child is probably profoundly gifted, and some folks don't know that PG is far from the traditional definition of 'gifted'. They truly are completely different categories. If you do some research, you'll see validation of the fact that PG kids need just as much specialized attention and flexibility as most special needs children. Their asynchronous development can make most standard methods of education difficult at best. If you and he have found a good way for him to learn things, then you should be pleased to have found it this early in his life. I hope you can come to a place where you don't feel upset by other people making comments about early academics. Like pmj, I have also been accused of being a flashcard mom, or accused of lying about my child's abilities, and I was hurt. In most cases, I stopped saying much at all about his abilities as a result. Now, I'm in a different place and don't feel upset by these kinds of comments, and it's much easier for me to let them roll off my back.

Hugs. This is a journey that has as much to teach you as Vidura, and he is blessed to have a mama who is so open to his mind's needs.

Tara