How are you doing? Are you sad? Questioning your decision? Having a hard time? Or are you ok with it? I thought I was ok with it. I was sure this is my very last, and financially we can't have anymore, it doesn't make sense. I am ready for the next step, the next phase. But it hurts my heart to know I will never feel another internal kick, never bask in that glow of pregnancy and delight after delivery. Dh goes for the big snip soon, and mamas I am not sure I am ready. How can I not be ready? DD id 2mths old, I have 4 kids, I should be done, I should be ready, I thought I was.... but I find myself almost mourning. What am I mourning? Is it hard for me to let this go because it means accepting the fact that I am not young anymore? Or maybe it is late night ramblings.... Anyone else going through this? Or am I the only crazy emotional mama here?

Yes, and I'm having a REALLY hard time with it. I'm doing things I haven't done before, trying to celebrate her infancy more (like getting some nice portraits done next week - nursing, nekkid babe, etc). I'm actually trying to convince dh to more, but it will take a lot. He knows how much it bothers me - but for a lot of reasons 6 really should be our limit. It's just breaking my heart though. Maybe in a few months I'll feel differently, but who knows.

Dh has agreed to wait for his big V until I'm totally ready. I was before dd was born - but I'm glad he didn't do it when I was pregnant still. But we ARE using protection, because I do NOT want another babe right now.

There are a lot of things to mourn. No more kids is a step in a new direction in your life. I totally understand the feelings you have :hug:

i am not done having children (God willing)..but i know that i will probably feel those feelings you are having.

i think it is great to know that you knew while you were pregnant that this was your last and you were able to cherish those feelings. i hope i get to 'know' that my last is my last (did that make sense)

I think that with feelings like that, you aren't done. I had a tubal a year after my 4th was born. I was excited about it before and just as excited after it was done. I have no desire to have more babies whatsoever. Even when I hold my brand new baby neice, I have no twinges at all. Happy to hold her, to smell her, to cuddle her, and happy to give her back. Before feeling so strongly that I was done, I would have said that I would never feel done and thus, I would someday make the conscious decision to be done based on resources, logic, etc - since I couldn't very well keep having kids forever (don't get me wrong, I know some on this board that keep having kids until they hit menopause - and I think that is completely WONDERFUL!).

Knowing what I know now...I strongly suggest that you keep using other forms of b.c., until you KNOW you are done.

well, Roman is my last. I went thru that period of mourning - i think Its totally normal. Tho I do grieve the fact I'll never again feel a baby kick inside me, or hold a nursling at my breast - I also know I'm done with that phase of my life as a parent. I'm ready to enjoy watching my children grow up into wonderful people. I"m not sad (the two weeks after dh's vasectomy I was) anymore. I have never questioned our decision because I knew in my heart that our family is/was complete. After zoey was born I knew/felt there was another soul out there waiting to come to our family. After Roman came - I knew he was my last.

Being a mama to an infant is magical. And hard!

I'm done with that now, a chapter closed. Now I'll raise my children into wonderful preschoolers, school kids, preteens, teens and then adulthood.

And then my children will have families of their own and I get to feel what being a gramma to an infant feels like. Thats the way life is. It moves. Always moves. Fast!

Right now I am absolutely happy, content and blessed to be mama to 3 wonderful children all in various stages of development. And they will always be my babies :)

I hope you make the best decision for you and your family

Knowing what I know now...I strongly suggest that you keep using other forms of b.c., until you KNOW you are done.

good advice...if you aren't sure.

Well, I've been thinking about this ALOT - especially today, for some reason. My dh is DONE. Done, done, done. It isn't that he doesn't love kids - he does. He's just super-practical man and two is *practical.* And, I don't think that it is okay to force someone to have more than they want.

Yup, it makes me sad, but I'd feel the same way after three and four and five and six etc. I love pregnancy, I respect labor and delivery (and enjoy it in a strange way), and I love the newborn snuggles. Even if he were to want more, I'd still mourn never doing that again - at some point. does that make sense?

There are many reasons why it isn't a bad idea to be done now - I like several years in between and, by my time line, our next would be born when I'm around 39. Yes, that is plenty doable, but I don't know that I want to have a newborn when I'm 39. there are the environmental factors to consider - not wanting to debate this issue; whatever works for a family is their choice, but there is an environmental factor that is worth considering. And, travel with my children is really really important to me. I lived in France as a child and really feel that I benefitted significantly by having that cultural experience. My children will not be able to have the same opportunity, so it is important to me that we travel a lot so that they can be exposed to other cultures as much as possible. Travel with two is a whole lot less expensive than travel with more.

Yeah, yeah, those are all superficial reasons, but I have to have some reasons to help me accept and mourn and those are the points I've chosen.

Dh has not yet scheduled his v. I'm not pushing him. I also haven't ordered my bc yet (we use the sponge and I have to buy from Canada), but need to do so.

My dh wanted a vasectomy after our 2nd child was born. I knew that someone was missing from our family and didn't encourage him to rush in and get it done. When our third child was born I felt that we were all present and accounted for. :)
Dh has had two vasectomies now, but we both miss the idea of me being pregnant. He swears he doesn't want more children, but that emotional pull and excitement of pregnancy is still there.
I think the transition to knowing that I wouldn't have more children (unless God intervenes in a big way) was an "empty womb" phase, kind of like the "empty nest" phase.
I hope that you have time to search your heart and discuss things further with your dh. Does it feel like someone is missing? Or is it the transition that is getting you down?

I know what you mean.

Bill and I know that we should be done. Financially, emotionally, and physically we're drained with only the two. Still...seeing Vivian at nearly 6 months--that's such a fun age...our hearts do feel a tug.

I know I'd end up with another c-section. The last pregnancy was REALLY hard on me physically, and financially, I know I need to go back to work in the near future (we're hoping five years.)

We've thought about adoption. It's out there. He hasn't scheduled his vascetomy yet. We're pretty sure but still need to think through it rationally.

i'm sad but i didnt realy have a choice, with the cancer and the endo it was best to take everything out. andy and i really wanted at least 6 kids, but we were blessed with 3. sarah being our miracle :happy:
i am having major babylust though (probably bc sarah is about to turn 1), maybe we will adopt if we can ever afford it

We've had 3 and we're not sure. What we decided to do is wait 2years, and then evaluate. If we still aren't sure, we'll wait another year.

I'm sure that whenever we decide to "be done," I'll be sad.

Nelle

wow, I could have written your post word for word. I always *knew* 4 was for me, I felt it in my heart. I got preg. with my fourth (I would NEVER say accidentally--but we weren't trying--well, dh wasn't trying, LOL--I was always HOPING something would happen :) ) and finally felt done, was ok with DH getting a vasectomy. Well, here I am with an 8 mo. old and irrationally enough, I would love another. It's different this time though. Like you, financially we couldn't handle it (well, I guess we would if something did happen), I still feel we are complete. I don't feel like anyone is missing like I did before, but the pregnancy/ newborn thing is what I mourn I guess. So, in fact it feels like a much more different sadness/mourning than before #4. I almost feel selfish for wanting another now, before I wanted another because I KNEW we were supposed to have another. Does that make sense? Dh was done after 2. LOL, talked him into 3 and 4 was the answer to a lot of my prayers.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm right there with you and struggling with the same feelings. Dh wants to have a V and I'm avoiding it. I'd rather take care of BC a different way for now. Maybe a few years down the road he can get it. Of course he has the interference of his Mom and Sis who are always bugging him about getting the V. ARgh.

Lots of love,
Carey

My babe is 17 months old. Backstory...my 9 year old WAS our baby, and we were practicing NFP for over 3 years (after the Depo shot for 3 years) and I should NOT have been fertile at the moment. But what's meant to be is meant to be and I wouldn't trade him for the world now. :)

well,i am sure sully is my last. i'm mourning too,it's heartbreaking. but at the same time i am ready for the next phase of parenting older kids. I am truely blessed w/ my 3 and until we know for sure i have a mirena. ;)

Maybe it is b/c Connor is only 8 weeks old, maybe it is because he has been my most difficult babe to date, but I am perfectly okay with being done, LOL.

Truthfully, I always wanted three. In my mind, three completed my family. So everything seems right now. I think maybe sometimes I honestly wish I had gotten at least one girl in the bunch, but I love my boys beyond measure and everyone tells me I am a great mom to boys!

I love babies, but I am also learning that there are advantages to not having a baby in the house, LOL. While I am going to enjoy every moment of Connor's infancy, I don't think I am going to mourn the loss of it when the time comes that we can do some of the things we aren't able to do right now.

It was hard for me. Dh knows without a doubt he's done. We will be doing foster care and foster-to-adopt in the future (hopefully we'll get moving on foster care soon), and I actually had to convince him that 2 was a good idea, he was content with just one. And actually, LOL, he would have been fine with JUST adoption.

I love every aspect of babies... being pg, labor (I really do like it, even at the moment), new baby care, even not sleeping well. And even though I knew we needed to be done, I asked DH to wait for a V until I was emotionally on board... Anders was 6 months old.

I'm cherishing every little moment, for sure. Anders is still my baby, and at this age Erik seemed so grown-up!