Some of you might be aware of the struggles I've had returning to the home. Anyway, I really want to be the best SAHMomma I can be to my children and I think that I have gone overboard in terms of focus on children.

My entire day feels as if it is all about creating opportunities for my 3 year old dd. Here is yesterday and today:

Wednesday
get up, dress, walk, circle time, quick stop at fabric store, zoo (where we gone on a train and a boat and get the treat my dd wants), home, fight over nap time, when nap time is over it is time for dinner, but I can barely get it done because dd wants constant attention.

Thursday
get up, dress, walk, circle time, go to group story time, quick grocery shopping, home, lunch, nap time (much better today), then painting until dh gets home for dinner.

Then, I had the thought, "does it mostly all have to be about her and what she wants to do and what makes her happy?" So, would it be wrong for me to have our days set up such that mornings until nap time (1 ish) are focus on children, but the afternoons she is more responsible for her own play and I get to do what *I* want/need? for instance, I get to read or do my own project and she can read alongside me (her own book) or do her own project, but that the afternoons can be about me?

I feel that I'm losing me.

Although you are her guide in life and should have fun with her, and kids that age are ego-centric.......

you must model for her that you are worthy of spending time for just you and your interests and she must be creative to entertain herself!

Try to set a certain mommy time each day to begin with so you can feel more confident taking time for yourself.

~Mari (whose kids spent the day in Alameda with granny!)

Certainly! Give yourself some time to get back to you - that is so important! Find out what works best for all of you. You might find you need your time in the morning, you might find it works best in the afternoon (or, like us, it might change daily). Just taking the time to do something just for me that I enjoy helps my children see the different sides of me and I think it helps them to develop their own interests. My granny always told me that it is important for children to have "do nothing" time. Nothing scheduled, nothing planned for them. Just let them play on their own and their imaginations will take care of the rest. That is sometimes the perfect time for me to read a book, write a story, call a friend, eat that dark chocolate hershey kiss hiding in the pantry, and lately surf amity :). I love being my childrens mother, I love staying home with them but I also love being a wife, a daughter, and a friend and if I don't make that time for myself then I am not doing anyone any favors (and believe me they let me know it :lol: )

Karen

~Mari (whose kids spent the day in Alameda with granny!)

As in *my* Alameda?!? California?!? You know, that's my hometown and my parents still live there?

Have you read Continuum Concept yet? That said, with a new baby, the older sibling needs LOTS of attention. It gets better. It is magnified in your case (as it was mine) because you are home with her full time for the first time. Same with me. But, I had a little more time ahead of time. I got pg with Samantha just after quitting my fulltime job. Beth and I had 10 months together. Can you set up centers, a lot like she probably had in "school" so she can play near you while you do your own thing? My girls play much better on their own if they have places they can go to where they know the items they are looking for will be together.

I agree with the other moms. You absolutely need time for you, and also kids (imho) do need to have some independant play time - unstructured.
I have roman, 2 and Zoey, turning 5, and C (boy i watch) is just 3.

Mornings are for the kids. We go to the playland at the mall, the library, the movies once a week, playgroup, visiting friends homes, orwe do arts and crafts projects. In the arizona winter we add in the park and the zoo to our morning activities.

from 1-3:30pm is my time. I usually get roman down for nap around 1pm and the older kids know thats their quiet free play.
I take 45 m-1hour for myself to work out. The rest of the time I clean up, start dinner, read a book, check the boards etc.

i agree with "centers" . thats what I"ve set up and it works for us. We have the dressup area, the playstand/play kitchen area, the vehicle area (trains, vehicles, roads etc), outside theres the swings, sandbox and fort. I can usually suggest an activity and they'll go play.

Its summer so every afternoon, after 3:30 or so we swim or run thru the sprinklers and have water play til dinner time when I get C ready to go home and we wind down the day.

I think its necessary for your mental health to have a little time for yourself. For us it was about creating the routine so they knew/know what to expect. After about a month they know the routine and I get my time :)

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate realizing that I'm normal.

We're experiencing many new bumps all at once: no sleep, new baby, three year old, three year old at home for the first time in two years, trying to potty train, feeling alone as I have no RL friends outside of work friends, and my compulsive nature of attempting to check off many items from my to do list.

I am reading the Continuum Concept and like it so far, but I'm only at the very beginning (I'm trying desperately to finish another book).

I'm going to try teaching both Lauren and myself that it is okay for mommy to have mommy time and that her every waking minute is not supposed to be about my entertaining her.

They will make you silly in the brain even if you are a super woman/mama.

As your baby gets older, your two kids will entertain each other a lot!!!!

That will help you implement the time for mommy part of the day!


Yes, Alameda is your Alameda.

I grew up there too and my parents live there. :)


I head there at least once a week for one reason or another.

I should get that book.

We aren't potty training and my dd is a bit older than yours, but I could have almost written your post. I have never really been a full time SAHM and this past week has truly taken its toll on me. I just had a baby last week, and DH has been gone until past 9 almost every night this week and I am beyond exhausted. And, what the heck am I supposed to do with myself??? I am failing miserably at being a full time mom. I just don't have that much mommying in me. I can be an incredible part time mom. And where on earth did my adult life go? Hello! Adult life? Are you out there somewhere??? I know it will ease up a bit in the fall. My body will be more recovered, DD will be back in preschool, DS will be growing out of that eat, change diaper, sleep, change diaper, eat, change diaper, sleep... stage. But this last week has really been hard. Not one bit unexpected, but hard nonetheless.

Yes, Alameda is your Alameda.

I grew up there too and my parents live there. :)


I head there at least once a week for one reason or another.

Have we discussed this? I remember discussing it with someone quite sometime ago - was that you? If so, I seem to recall that you are sufficiently younger than me to have not gone through school at the same time.

I was Franklin, Wood, and Encinal (1987)
My brother was Franklin then Lum (when Franklin closed), Wood, and Alameda (1989)
My sister was Lum, Wood, and Encinal (1993)

And, I'm certain that if I were to describe where my parents live, you'd know the house and location almost instantly.

I should get that book.

We aren't potty training and my dd is a bit older than yours, but I could have almost written your post. I have never really been a full time SAHM and this past week has truly taken its toll on me. I just had a baby last week, and DH has been gone until past 9 almost every night this week and I am beyond exhausted. And, what the heck am I supposed to do with myself??? I am failing miserably at being a full time mom. I just don't have that much mommying in me. I can be an incredible part time mom. And where on earth did my adult life go? Hello! Adult life? Are you out there somewhere??? I know it will ease up a bit in the fall. My body will be more recovered, DD will be back in preschool, DS will be growing out of that eat, change diaper, sleep, change diaper, eat, change diaper, sleep... stage. But this last week has really been hard. Not one bit unexpected, but hard nonetheless.

Okay, Emily, we are in this together at least. I'll give you a :big hug:

but you have two bigger excuses/explainations than do I: your dh doesn't get home until 9 (mine gets home at 6) and you JUST had a baby. Mine is a whole whopping 4.5 weeks old -- shouldn't I have the swing of it by now?!? :lol:

You are actually much younger than me

Lum, Wood, Encinal (1978) :happy:

We do Waldorf inspired stuff here, so this post will definitely have that flavor.;)

You could try to arrange your day as breathing, in and out. We do not have huge blocks of "kid time" or "mama time". Instead, we come together for something and then disperse and come together, etc. It doesn't always flow perfectly, but if the kids are acting up, it's usually because it's been too long since I focused on them. Also, when I "focus" on them, I might still be doing my work. I try to let them join in any work I am doing. Also, I am very willing to tell a story or sing for them while I am working. I SWEAR just singing can keep a kid at bay; it's like my happy voice aimed nowhere in particular is just what they need to feel secure in their day. It's wild how well it works. If they're obsessively asking questions, I'll sing. If Phaedra just won't let go of my shirt tail, I'll sing. And so on...

You sure are working hard on this transition. It is bound to happen for you, but as you pointed out, Jonathan is only 4.5 weeks. Heck, I did not get in a car for anything but ped and midwife appointments until after 6 weeks. It WILL get easier.

Well, I have only 1 child, who is 5 and I definitely need a break from him during the day! I think if I had 2 little ones to care for all day without doing anything on my own, I'd soon go nuts! When my ds was your dd's age, he was a little velcro kid most of the time and it took a long time for him to be able to play on his own for a good amount of time. One thing that really helped was getting some long books on tape for him to listen to while he played on the floor and I sat on the couch reading, knitting, or just relaxing. Sometimes he just plays on the computer to keep himself busy. Sometimes I will ask him to make me something cool from his legos. After having some time just to me, I am so much happier about playing with him when he asks, rather than feeling like it is a "chore".

We usually do mornings out ~ errands, library, beach, fun places if he has been good on some boring errands. Afternoons we are usually home, and I do play with him for a good portion of time, but I also expect him to occupy himself a lot too. He talks practically nonstop all day long, and my brain needs that R&R. :)