We are probably going to have Austin attend the little elementary school this year. It's a really tough decision, but hte more I think about it, the more sense it makes for our entire family.

Austin has fought me every step ofthe way in everything 'school' that we do. I don't believe he made enough progress this past year because he complains, fights, and just flat out refuses to do anything that would require him to actually WORK. math... battle, because he has to sit and think. writing.... battle because he has to sit and concentrate. me reading to him... he is ok with that, but he's not listening and remembering what I am reading. He is bored, because he refuses to do the things I ask thim to do (which are NOT above his level at all!) and then fights, picks on and irritates his brothers and sister. His attitude towards me and schoolwork is effecting our entire family. I end up not being able to help Nathan who WANTS me to help him do more math and read more books and and and. I end up using 99% of my energy getting Austin to do a 10 minute math worksheet... he'll take HOURS!

The thing is, he doesn't do the attitude with other people. He really does well with others. I cannot see him picking on other kids in school. I cannot see him arguing with the teacher, screaming "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!" over doing a math assignment.

The attitude and fighting are wearing me out. I am not the kind of mom I want to be. I am so worn down by stopping HIS instigations. I lvoe him to death, but I am really having a hard time being around him because it's like he is constantly pushing my buttons and seeing how far he can get.

I really think this would be best for our family. I don't think Nate would do well in a classroom setting... actually, he might, but it isn't the best for him. Whereas Austin... I'm not so sure being at home is the best setting for him right now. He doesn't want to do anything that isn't required... and even then he fights me on it. I am just worn... and tired of fighting with him... and tired of breaking up the fights he starts with the other kids.

I feel like I have been failing my family for the last couple of years. he is not progressing like he should be. He is skating by with as little as possible... and he's getting the message that he can do that. It all wears me out emotionally and physically... then I don't get the stuff I want to get done with my other kids... because I am so done.

If he were to go to school, I would be able to do the fun things I want to do with the other kids. We never get to them because I am waiting on Austin to finish up with something... usually like the 2 hours he takes to sweep up the kitchen floor - should take MAYBE 5 minutes. He would be in a small setting 15-18 kids per class. We are going ot be here for the whole school year, so chanigng schools this yer won't be an issue.

I just feel sort of defeated. But at the same time, I can see Austin thriving in a school setting. He is not thriving here, I am sad to say. It's effecting our whole family... and that is what is so frustrating about it all.

Mama,
I feel for you. And, frankly, your post kind of scares me because I am pulling my DS OUT of school for kind of the same reasons you're putting yours in. DS seems to put so much into holding it together all day at school that ANYTHING I ask of him is too much when he is home, and our homelife is totally disrupted. My hope is, if he is home, maybe the stress of keeping it together all day (he has some vision and sensory issues) will not be there, and things will be easier for all of us.

With that said, I totally understand where you're at. I started therapy about a month ago because I have come to feel so badly about myself. I am reading a book that I think is going to work with DS, though, and maybe it would help? It's called Transforming the Difficult Child . I don't know if you are familiar with it or not.

Anyway, maybe school would be the best thing for all of you. Have you asked him how he feels about going to school? There are kids out there who thrive at school and love it! Maybe he is one of them, and if he is, it sounds as though it could be a real blessing for all of you!

I don't know if I've helped at all, but I know, in my situation, there is so much frustration and anger and GUILT, and you can't be too hard on yourself, Mama--you've tried really hard! I'll be thinking of you, and I hope whatever your decision, it works out well for you and your family!

Hi Heather.

My children are teachning me every day: every child is unique. Do what is best for your son, your family and yourself. All of these are important.

Homeschooling or a particular type of education suited to one child may well not meet the needs of another -- even in the same family.

I am homeschooling my 7 yo. My 5yo is in a special needs public school program and am I am sending my soon-to-be 3yo to a Montessori preschool in the fall so that I can give my daughter the one-on-one attention she needs. I hope that I am doing what is best for each of them and for us as a family.

Be kind to yourself. You homeschool (I assume) to give your children the best you can. If this is not best for one or some of them, do something different. You know what is right -- and I would bet that most of us posting here attended school ourselves and turned out to be quite decent people. You do not need to explain or apologize for the school Austin will attend.

Stand firm in your bravery! You are doing great.

Natalia

I can't imagine he would not behave for his teachers any differently than he would for you; have you seen him in school? I say this because habits don't change instantly. He may not scream at the teacher but he might refuse to do the work. My oldest son was in public school 11 days when my youngest was born because we thought my youngest might need several surgeries. My oldest got in trouble for talking and was made to stay in during recess! Bad habits are hard to change! LOL!

I read your plans for the coming year and it seems extremely ambitious. Your boys are 9, 7, and 5 plus you have a younger daughter? Mine are 2, 5, 7, and 8 and I don't even attempt what you have listed. I don't mean to offend you; I read your posts and I think you are a caring intelligent mother!!

My oldest (8yo ds) hates to write. His handwriting is awful. My daughters ages 5 and 7 write 1000x better! What helps is to have him write in small increments of time. We do a little in the morning and a little in the afternoon. I mean 10-15 minutes of writing total! Mine is smart too like yours; sometimes it helps to do some of the writing for him or write every other answer - that type of thing. As his hand muscles get stronger he writes more. My son is so slow sometimes!

I fantasize that enrolling my oldest three children in school would give me a daily 6 hour break! (DH and I get no babysitting from our family. We have not been without the children in 2 years and only twice in 8 1/2 years when we only had three children. I joke I'm like Marge Simpson when she says to Bart that she is in the hosue 23 hours a day and you can't hide from me!)

My youngest was born with birth defects and he is a very high needs child!

What has helped is to take a break or only do the basics. To get mu oldest to write I have him enter LEGO contests where you have to write a 100 word story. I also have him draw or write out instructions for making LEGO projects.

Best wishes. Only you can decide what is the best decision to make for your family! I love my children too but sometimes they drive me batty! LOL!

Sincerely,
Debra

Thanks, ladies, for your replies.

I do feel like we have tried everything.

And FWIW - my other kids are thriving at home, but I think Austin is not. I need to think about each child individually, and think about their specific personality traits and needs. I have made so many accomodations, but Austin is still taking advantage and also fighting over even 10 minute pieces of work. The things I had planned for htis coming year may seem ambitous to some, but I honestly think it was right on for my kids. I don't think that what I had planned was too much work at all.

It's time for me to pass this part on to someone else.

Heather - The bottom line is that you do what's best for each child, and as the mom you are in the position to know what that is. And the great thing about homeschooling is, that if you see that having Austin in school isn't the best, you can pull him right out again.

One of our 5 children goes to school. I do get so tired of trying to explain why - homeschoolers think we're crazy for putting any child 'there' and public schoolers think we're crazy for homeschooling. Whatever! My standard reply now is that each child is where he or she needs to be.

I understand your decision and it's in no way a failure. I always enjoy your posts and think you are a wonderful homeschooling mom! :hug:

Sounds like you've decided Heather. Good for you! It can be so difficult to do things differently than you hoped, planned and expected.

I wish you, Austin and your family well with this decision.

Natalia

:big hug: Oh Heather I know what you are going thru. You and I have shared the frustration of our boys this past year. I know how overwhelmed you must be with your dh gone. There was a thread just like this one, at the Sonlight forums a few days ago. I'll say the same thing to you that I said to that lady...

My dh and I were considering sending Bryce to school this year. I talked to my mom (a veteran homeschooler) about what to do. She said something that was very profound about the situation. She told me that I should never send my child who is struggling with school, struggling with bad attitutes etc, to school. She said, if you are going to send someone to school, send the little one who is doing well. But don't send the one who is stuggling. She told me that I would just be giving someone else my struggles with him, and did I really think a total stranger could do a better job disciplining my son than dh and I. She said if we wanted to send him, work on his attitude issue first then send him. So after much thought and prayer we kept him home and worked on the attitude problem, which was the crux of our problem (and sounds like yours too).

So you may want to rethink who you send to school. I'd send the one that is doing well, keep the one who is having trouble home and work with him.


My other suggestion is for you to take a look at this
http://www.help-with-learning.com/ and read the "How We Help" part.

We started using a Neurodevelopmentalist with Bryce. He's on a neuro program, it take a lot work on my part, but the rewards have been huge. I see changes, big changes in him. He's becoming much more mature, handling problems better, calmed down a bit etc.. I've seen much more positive behavior from him and after 7 weeks of program, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see that he will be able to succeed with school and life in general. It's been a very positive experience for us. It might be something that you would be intrested in trying for Austin.
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