Ok little back story. We are living with my mom while our house is being totally renovated. So Caz is the new kid so to speak. There are a ton of kids in this neighborhood and he is fine with most of them. He has even made a really good friend who is moving to our side of the city :monkeydan , but there is a boy who lives right next door who has been bullying him. Things like stealing his basball bat, ramming into his bike while he's riding, calling him names(faggot is his favorite), and not letting him participate in group activities(baseball, kickball etc). I really don't know what to do. Caz says he has tried ignoring him, tried sticking up for himself, and has even resorted to being physical right back at him nothing is working. I have spoken to the child briefly and he says Caz is "coming right back at me". I have spoken to the other neighborhood mom's and they have said that this is how Nick is just super aggressive and very much a bully and that his mom sees nothing wrong with it. I feel terrible for my kid seeing as though we will be living here probably until October. If you have read this far thanks any advice is appreciated.

I am sorry,no advice just wanted to offer :hug:
When we moved to our house 2 yrs ago, a older child on the street was bullying ds.DS stood up to the other child and I yelled at the kid once for chasing my ds off the bus and up to the front door.Now the kid says HI all the time, offers to help if I am working in the yard and he and ds even talk and play sometimes.(the other kid is 2 yrs older then my ds).It sounds like your ds has tried all the obvious approaches. Maybe talking to the mom would work but it sounds like probably not. I am sorry not much advice for you.

I would keep him away from the bully. I just don't have tolerance for kids who do that crap. I would also tell the bully to keep away from my child and I would tell him in a way that he knew I was serious. Sorry you have to deal with this.

i would tell him that try as we might, we can't get along with everyone. i agree with talking to the mom and if that still doesn't work, which it sounds like it won't, i would tell my son to stay away and tell the boy to stay away too. that sucks for your son (((((hugs)))))))

First, speak to his mother. Tell her you will not be tolerating anymore bullying and she needs to stop it.

If that doesn't work, call that kid out. I've found that most stop with some firm adult words -- especially when you march right out there in the thick of it, tell him you heard/saw what he did and it WILL STOP NOW.

Tell him that you will not be tolerating his behavior any longer, you have spoken with his mother and the police are next if he can stop.

Stealing his bat is STEALING. Ramming is bike is ASSAULT. Calling him a faggot is HARRASMENT.

Get the book "The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander" by Barbara Coloroso. It is a fairly new book, very readable, and really opened up my eyes to the dangers of letting bullying continue--it's dangerous for the bully, it's dangerous for those who are bullied, and it is dangerous for those children who stand around and watch it happen. You MUST put an end to the cycle.
I just typed out a bunch of stuff from the book and it bleeped out....argh. But honestly, it would be worth your running out to the bookstore NOW to get it. It totally changed my perception on how to deal with the bullying that my daughter is getting from her cousin, and I also made me quit excusing what the cousin has been doing. It is dangerous to your son's self esteem, both now and in the future, to allow the cycle to continue.

Well I called the kid out tonight. I watched for about 10 minutes as Caz rode is bike up and down the street. He would ram into him so Caz would drive into our driveway. Than Nick would sit at the end of the driveway and wait for Caz to ride out again. I finally had enough walked outside and said " Nick what is your problem?" He said "him." I said " I have been watching from the window and you have been deliberately hitting his bike." He said "so" I said leave him alone or I will have to speak to your mother. He told me to **** OFF!!!!!!!!!! This kid is 9 years old. Another neighbor mother heard and told Nick he couldn't speak to an adult that way he said I don't care and **** you too. At this point I am just beside myself the other neighbor went and spoke to his mother and she said that his mother is very defensive of her son and does not want to come out and talk to me. So that is where it stands I have told Caz that he is not to even speak to the kid just to stay away from him and that it is never ok to be bullied or to bully. I hate this so much.

yikes. we had 2 bullies in our old neighbor in the city. They were about 14-15 on bikes and would torment my kids when they were in the yard. They got more brave as time went on. One day they came into my yard when the boys were playing and asked them if they were having to watch their "idiot baby brother" (Jack was only 2 at the time). They called Taylor and Keaton horrible names and threated to kick their ass if they caught them out of our yard. I would go outside and tell them to get their asses out of my yard and out of site but they would sit on their bikes in the road and tell me to **** off. One of them told me his dad was a cop so he could do whatever the hell he wanted (he wasn't lying about his dad being a cop). So I called the police on them twice. They just sat there and laughed at me the first time. Even my husband couldnt frighten or intimidate them (if he can't do it... no one can lol). Turns out the kids had tormented some elderly people and the police had been searching for them but didn't know where they lived. They were finally found. They stopped coming around. That was over 5 years ago so those young boys would be men now. I wonder if they are the same insensitive, disrespectful, inconsiderate, jerks they were back then. Chances are that they haven't changed a bit. It has to be stopped early on.

I would forgot the mom and scare the hell out of the kid. He has to know NOW that there are parents out there who will risk jail time to protect their own children from bullys.

Look him dead in the eyes and tell him that he is not to come anywhere near your child and let him know that you are not afraid to go back to prison :) Then do a little eye switchin' and tell him that you caught him on a good day and that tomorrow you may not be taking your meds.

At this point I am just beside myself the other neighbor went and spoke to his mother and she said that his mother is very defensive of her son and does not want to come out and talk to me. So that is where it stands I have told Caz that he is not to even speak to the kid just to stay away from him and that it is never ok to be bullied or to bully. I hate this so much.

Be careful....one thing that Ms. Coloroso said was that stepping in only enforces the idea to your son that he's not strong enough to handle his own problems, and also gives the message to the bully (and the bystanders) that your son can't fight his own battles, that he's a "mamma's boy" or a wimp and that maybe he deserves to be bullied. Also, telling your son to stay away from the bully might also give him the message that you feel he's not strong enough to handle the problem, either.

what about bringing together the boys, asking them to work things out with each other, mediating the opportunity for that to happen, and then IF your son decides on his own that he wants to stay away from the bully, it's because it's his own idea---not a directive from his mom. Does this make sense? Your son needs to know that he has the power and the skills to take care of his own problem, and that you are there to back him up and you have confidence in him--but that you know he can find the right solution for this problem.

And if that continues and the boy's mom won't work with you on this problem, I'd involve the police. He's assaulting your son and it's criminal.

i have to say that at this point i would call the police the very next time it happens. your son is only nine and if that means he is a mama's boy, oh well. i don't want to run everything in my children's lives, but i certainly couldn't sit by and watch this. and in my very very humble opinion, any nine YO that says **** you to two adults isn't going to be reasoned with.
i hope your son is ok and hugs to you!!!

eta-
i agree about asking your son how he feels and letting it be his idea to stay away. that is a good idea.

yeah, the key phrase was when you said the mother saw nothing wrong with his behavior. :rolleyes: There's nothing you can do with that situation. BTDT...just stay out there and call him on it EVERY time he bugs your kid. over and over and over. The mom won't like it, LOL...the kid won't like it (he'll say you are picking on HIM, boo hoo :rolleyes: ) but your kid will know that you won't let others mistreat him in a way he is not allowed to mistreat others and that's all that counts.

It's funny how brats like this operate so well within their family, yet EVERYONE else sees so clearly how rotten he is and how enabling the parent is. Chances are, if it were him being bullied, you'd certainly hear about it. :rolleyes: The other really ripe excuse you might hear was, "they were all playing that game"...yeah, ftr? that's bullsh!t, so don't fall for it. It's right up there with "they were all breaking apart each other's bionicles, taking them away from each other and burying them." again, BS. And I'm sure if you did get to know the child/parent pair, they are probably just SUPER sensitive and would somehow be the TRUE victims. *gagpukebanghead* :vent: RUN!!!! lol.

again, this is heavily sprinkled with BTDT. I'd either stay on the offender like flys on crap or completely remove my child from their presence. Jack slapping the lame mother would probably be a criminal offense so ditch that idea. :happy: I guess if he's a neighbor, you're going to be doing an awful lot of policing. bummer. I ditched that problem like a rotten egg. :happy: