she can really push all of my buttons.....sigh......This afternoon I am trying to get her to clean her room, she flat out refuses. She hates cleaning anything and has always given us a fit about cleaning her room/toys/messes. She starts off refusing, I send her to her room and tell her not to come out until it is done. Each time she comes out, I gently lead her back to her room and tell her she is not to come out until it is cleaned. This continues for quite some time (her screamin' and snot-slingin' the whole time), then she starts in about being scared to be by herself. Ummm, you were in your room playing all morning, I don't buy that. I have had it after about an hour, her whining, screaming really loud and saying things like "I hate you""you don't love me""you are mean, vicious, evil, witch, etc, etc" I have not responded up until this point to these hurtful things, but when I do, I tell her to not say anything at all(which she is simply unable to do, ever LOL) So, I grab the trashbags, head to her room, and start putting anything on the floor in it.....then she really starts in about how mean I am. 2 bags of toys later, her room is clean, she is not happy, but still refuses to help put anything away. I have given her another chance to go through the bags and find a home for anything she values. No go. These bags are going in the trash, and I am upset about it, because these are nice toys, Barbies, birthday presesnts that she does not care for at all. Money means nothing to her. Now, she doesn't have that many toys, certainly not by mainstream standards, her room is really bare. Okay, so it makes her room easier to clean, but she will still not clean her room. I have left her in her room for 2 days, only coming out to use the bathroom, and eat and she still refused. We do it daily, and she pretty much fusses the whole time every day. If I help her, she starts directing me, but refuses to help. My 8yo cleans wonderfully and without a fuss.

I think one of the reasons this bothers me so, is that she has no respect for anything. She doesn't care that someone spent their money to buy a gift for her. So to me, she is wasting money in a big way, mine and anyone's who gives her a gift. This is not acceptable. We have never had a lot of money, and what money we do have, we spend wisely and on things that matter to us, like owning our own home. I make things last as long as possible, and we live pretty simply. Money wasting makes me nuts.

Okay, somebody please tell me what I am doing wrong......feel free to critique my behavior and tell me I am going about it all wrong. But somebody, please tell me what to do with this kid! She is stubborn beyond belief, and it takes all I have in me to not spank her or slap her (we don't hit, but the urge is really hard to control sometimes) She just knows how to push my buttons.

It sounds to me like you handled things well. It seems a good consequence that is she refuses to pick up her toys, then the toys will be picked up by you and taken away. If she really wanted them she'd have picked them up. I would probably have put the toys up and then allow them to be earned back, rather than throwing them away, since that would seem wasteful to me. Maybe you can sell the toys she didn't care for, and use the money to help your budget.

I also think that if stuff isn't that important to her, that I'd start giving much less at birthdays and Christmas. Maybe only 2-3 toys. Maybe tell her that buying her toys costs money, and if she isn't going to care for them properly then she won't be getting more than a few at a time until she can show that she will properly care for them, and keep them picked up. Maybe she's happier with less toys and things anyways? That would help your budget too.

I can't help much with the attitude though. I have 3 stubborn, bull-headed kiddos too, and they push my buttons somedays too. I can issue consequences, and expect certain actions from them, but I can't get them to be happy about it. We have lots of pouting here, stomping of feet, and sometimes slamming of doors.

Sounds like my 7yo dd. We've gone through the same thing. I'be done the exact same thing. Collecting all that was on the floor and threating to throw it away when her time limit was up for cleaning. I did it. She of course cried for days, I didn't budge nor did I go buy her new things. She cleans upon request now. I think she was testing me as to how far I would go.
You've given her a chance to even go through the bags and put things away. This was her chance. I think she may think you'll give her as many as chances as it takes to cave. DON'T!!! As much as it hurts, Stand firm and be consistant!!!
We are big believers in educating our children that there are consequences to unexceptable behavior.
I ebayed a couple of the very nice things I knew I could sale.She saw the money order come in the mail. She watched as I packed them up and she went with me to the postoffice. When she put two and two together, she finally changed her attitude about her things.
It's gotten better around here, not only with her room but other things too.
Just follow through.

IMO!!!

Traci

We also have the rule here that you either respect and take care of your belongings or you may lose them. I try to help the girls by weeding out toys that don't get played with very much and having the ones they keep have specific places to go.

I also have them clean up their toys a few times a day of they are strewn about, and always tidy up their room before bed.

For Nico, who is 7, she gets overwhelmed easily and then has a hard time knowing where to start. I try to help her focus on one task at a time.

I urge the girls to care for their belongings bacause they want to keep them nice or in one place, not because of what someone spent on them. The concept of money and what it takes for adults to earn it can be a hard concept to grasp.

Perhaps she really just has too much stuff? Maybe you could help her to declutter while teaching her about $ by giving her 25 cents or any set amount for every toy she donates to charity? Then she could pick out one thing to buy from a store with what she's earned.

Good luck! Seven can be such a hard age, they are still little yet they are on the cusp of maturity too. Hope things go better for you both!