I do not mean all the time in a tyrannical sort of way. I mean, "Hey sweetie, there are books under your feet. Move your feet... We do not step on books. Move your feet... Get of those books NOW!" I hope you get the idea. He still does not get off the books and might throw a giggle and a grin into the bargain. Or he says, "Just a minute." I am very big on using my body to help him with his body, but I have a nursling right now and my voice is my main tool for the 5 and 3 yo at the moment. Help!

I do not mean all the time in a tyrannical sort of way. I mean, "Hey sweetie, there are books under your feet. Move your feet... We do not step on books. Move your feet... Get of those books NOW!" I hope you get the idea. He still does not get off the books and might throw a giggle and a grin into the bargain. Or he says, "Just a minute." I am very big on using my body to help him with his body, but I have a nursling right now and my voice is my main tool for the 5 and 3 yo at the moment. Help!

No advice but I am going through the exact same thing with my 4.5 yr old aughter right now (hugs).

Tammy

No, and he doesnt at 6 either- he was on a NO kick like a 2 year old yesterday - Christopher please take your bat to the garage - No... Im not feeling like doing that now, maybe later.

This went on like this all morning, lol- he then asked me, Mom, please make me a sandwich, im hungry.

I said, No...

He said huh? I said no, i dont really feel like making you a andwcih now - he said but mom, im hungry, you are supposed to make me lunch, I said hmmm...you are supposed to pick up your stuff and you havent all day - it doesnt feel nice to be talked to like that and ignored. he said no, ill go put the bat in the garage, and i went and made his sandwich.

Ok not as calm as that all morning - but you get the gist, he was jsut a booger telling me outright no, as if it is totally his choice. So i guess mom has choices too :-P

Catherine

NO she doesn't "mind" if I tell her what to do. She doesn't do it either. LOL.

Chole

No advice but I am going through the exact same thing with my 4.5 yr old aughter right now (hugs).

Tammy

:ditto:

I have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old and I constantly have to remind myself of the times they DO mind so I dont focus on the times they dont. Megyn(5) is too smart for her own good and I KNOW she knows better most of the time, but still she tests me. I ask her to do something and she will argue, knowing she HAS to do it, but wanting to argue anyhow. James(3) is different, he just doesnt care LOL I dont mean in a 'I dont care about anything' kind of way, but when I ask him to pick up something he just has more important things to do, like play with his trains or spiderman kwim?

I now have a nursling as well and am feeling like my other 2 mind me less and less but at the same time am wondering if Im expecting more and more because Im preoccupied at times.

I have found the best solution with Samantha is to put is like this:

"Sweetie, your are standing (or your feet are) on those books. Is that where they are supposed to be?"

If I get "No", then I say "Show me where they are supposed to be."

If I get "yes", I ask "Why?" and usually I get "Cause I want them there." Then I say, "Well, I do not think the books like having your feet one them. Where do you think the books would like them to be." Most of the time she says "Off of them." and I say "Show me." Every once in a while, she says "They do too like my feet there." Then we get into a big long thing about why and why not, etc. This is usually when she is dying for attention.

This works much better for us than me demanding or reminding her directly as you indicated above.

What great ideas mamas. I am so there right now with my five year old and nursling and a two year old who I more expect it from. I think the dying for attention thing is right. I have found my voice a bit hoarse at night from some yelling, mainly, watch out you're going to kick Caeden's head etc. Not from anger, usually. But these things happen during walking, bouncing nursing Elianna. ugh. At least we are not alone. I too am big on physically helping and also just physically being present and showing them what to do, it has been are real backlash while my boys get used to not having that continually.

Good luck!

Thanks everyone! It's nice to be reminded I am not the only one doing this. Michelle, thanks for pointing that out. It's info I have and forget too much of the time. I bet DS will respond much better to that.

I have found the best solution with Samantha is to put is like this:

"Sweetie, your are standing (or your feet are) on those books. Is that where they are supposed to be?"

If I get "No", then I say "Show me where they are supposed to be."

If I get "yes", I ask "Why?" and usually I get "Cause I want them there." Then I say, "Well, I do not think the books like having your feet one them. Where do you think the books would like them to be." Most of the time she says "Off of them." and I say "Show me." Every once in a while, she says "They do too like my feet there." Then we get into a big long thing about why and why not, etc. This is usually when she is dying for attention.

This works much better for us than me demanding or reminding her directly as you indicated above.

Thank you for this idea Michelle! I really think something like this would work with my ds. :)

And Rach, my ds is almost 5, and your post sounded exactly like the way things go here.

I agree with MotherMoon.

Children need logical explanations for things. They also need to hear the whys of certain things during the calm times. In our house books are respected, so it follows that we don't put our feet on them. Why? Because books teach us stuff, because books are fun, because books can break or get torn, etc.

I don't ask my daughter to clean up. But she sees me doing it all the time, and she often offers to help because she sees that I'm getting tired. Actually, we don't have a lot of demands for her, so perhaps that is why she is more willing to do the things we do ask.

We model how to ask things (very deliberately sometimes), like husband will ask, "Could you please pass me the salt?" "Yes, here you go." "Thank you!" It's corny, but she's hearing this all the time.

And we also concede when she isn't in the mood to do something. Honestly, this doesn't come up because, really, we don't ask often. But if she said, "I don't feel like it." I might say, "Sometimes I don't feel like doing stuff either (truth), maybe later, k?" And she's happy and actually does end up doing it later. I wouldn't then tell her that I can't do something for her because she's not nice. What inner motivation would she have left if I did that all the time? Her only motivation for doing things would be to get something in return.