Why does it seem that with the exception of a few close friends, I am always explaining myself, my ideas, my practices. Discipline is the biggest one. Since DH's best friend now has a step-daughter he disciplines, it seems he is always questionin my tactics. His friends is abusive in my opinion. DH is constantly bringing up the issue of spanking. My mom thinks we should. Even my dad who I never remember spanking me and his mother did not spank him.

But that is not the only issue. Organic foods, special diets (the GFDF thing), cotton clothing, limited TV, every issue that makes me me.

I feel like I am drowning. The discipline thing is the biggest one as that is the most visible to the world around me.

Do you find you are always questioned?

Yes. That is why I come to Amity. At least then I can feel like I am not alone. It is also why I keep going to LLL meetings...

People who don't drop it, I just say"then we can agree to disagree" or"I have heard your opinion...I value that you care about us. I don't need to hear it again." Or in my mother's case"I heard your opinion, once is enough" lol! Everyone is entitled to their opinion.........................

WTH-spanking is considered abusive here in New Zealand...it is even talked about in the free child care books handed out in the hospital. And NZ is behind the times~! It has been proven that spanking does not even work. (lets not even say it might *harm*)

When people see you doing something different than what they are doing, it makes them question themselves. They may not realize it, but they do it on a subconcious level. Noone wants to be different. My mom would constantly tell me to give dd#1 formula when I kept getting mastitis...having sore nipples. She kept saying "well *you* turned out OK on Soy formula..." Part of what she was saying was justifying what she had done. She did the best she could(which she did!), but it does not mean my way wasn't worthwhile...and possibly even a better choice. If I had done it her way-giving formula imagine the relief she would have felt-the validation that what she had done with me was right. It isn't like I was determined to breastfeed to prove her wrong...but somehow I am sure it felt that way to her.

It is so exhausting when you do things differently than everyone else. You are doing a great job.

I am in the same boat because of our crazy diet. I feel like someone is going to report me to child protective services for GFCF...
{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Me too....always having to defend myself...it gets tiring :eyes:
That's why I come here...nobody questions me here :)

Nope. But that's because I don't discuss it. My husband, now, gets questioned a lot. But that's because he talks about it. I figure it's no one's business but our own, I know a lot of our relatives wouldn't agree with what we do, so I just don't bring the subject up, and I change the subject as quickly as possible if someone else brings it up (a few "uh-huh"s with a blank expression usually works).

hehehe, no - most people are afraid of me. :) Apparently the fact that I'm a very logical person can be quite intimidating to some? :rolleyes:

this used to be an issue for me but it really isn't anymore. i remember how frustrated it left me though.

i wish i knew what caused it to slow down so much. it is rare now that someone challenges my parenting.

((((hugs)))) there really isn't any criticism that hurts more than attacks on our parenting. perhaps, after looking into what was said for validity, we should look to who is doing it and determine whether or not they have their own objectives and/or issues.

Could it be age related? I got questioned a lot more when I was younger. (I wasn't even as AP as I am now! LOO go figure)

Since I have been "older" haha 33, I have less opinions thrown at me, even though I still have a llittle one.

Just wondering aloud along with you! LOL :)

Could it be age related? I got questioned a lot more when I was younger. (I wasn't even as AP as I am now! LOO go figure)

Since I have been "older" haha 33, I have less opinions thrown at me, even though I still have a llittle one.

Just wondering aloud along with you! LOL :)

i wonder too if it has anything to do with the number of kids. you know, someone with two kids would feel silly telling someone with five kids what to do. maybe? more likely a combination of the two (maternal age, number of kids).

eh, or it could be that people get tired of waiting for us to be not busy long enough to answer them ;).

hehehe, no - most people are afraid of me. :) Apparently the fact that I'm a very logical person can be quite intimidating to some? :rolleyes:

:lol: Me too! My family just knows not to being certain things up. LOL! Of course I converted my SIL to natural childbirth and breastfeeding (over a year now...woohoo!) so maybe they don't bring things up because they're afraid they'll be converted too? :happy:
My mom used to question me a lot about AP and co-sleeping in particular but my dd proved that AP works so she knows we're onto something now. ;)

Well, most of the questioning comes from within my own family where I will probably always be seens as a kid. KWIM? DH is bad about it too. He would be a frequent spanker were it not for me. His best friend and his wife ARE frequent spankers. It has gotten worse from DH since his friend married this girl.

Certain things are issues with strangers. Spanking being one of them. But, I usually invite that by asking them why they spank. I do try to remember to use the word spank and not hit or abuse or they get really ugly.

Thanks for the hugs. I was really having a hard time dealing with the cookout yesterday. Then Beth breaks her arm and doesn't cry a bit and Samantha was the best behaved there and things relaxed some.

Honestly, other than my dad, no one IRL questions me that I know of about my parenting skills. I think it's partially what Danica said ~ we are the "larger than average" family size around here/the people we know. Most people we know have two kids and when they find out we have 4, we get the "Whoa! How do you do it?!" so they're in awe more than anything and tend to ask US for advice. ROFL

I actually find more questioning/judgements from the AP/natural parenting people/sites than I do mainstream people IRL.

I am sorry they are questioning you. I think I would just say it's not up for discussion. There are certain topics I simply won't discuss with other people, religion being one of them, because it is so personal to people it's almost impossible to discuss it without hurting feelings (except here!) You live in a place where the way you parent is quite different from the norm, if I remember correctly. I have a lot of sympathy for you. It is really difficult to go against the stream.

My family doesn't come out and say what I do is wrong but they do try to parent over me and that ticks me off. I mean, who's the mom? My kids certainly aren't little princesses so I guess they think I'm not aware of how I should handle things? Did they ever think maybe I don't *want* my children to be on a short leash? or afraid of me? I am lucky that my mom keeps her comments to herself. She figures I will make my own mistakes and I will have to deal with the consequences just like she did. She gives me advice if I ask for it. I think some people just don't remember how children are (like the grandparents). And DH, well, he's at work all day. . . he doesn't spend a whole lot of time around children other than ours. He has no idea that our children are relatively well behaved compared to some we know. I bring it up to him often when I have stories to tell about other people's kids running wild or being cruel to others to give him some perspective. I had a woman in the store today tell me my three girls were so "good" and I said yes they are wonderful children. She said her grandaughter is such a good child and goes to bed when told, no fussing, etc. etc. My eyes got wider and I said "well, my kids don't do *THAT* but they are still good girls and I love them." :)

I usually don't mnd the questions because they provide an opportunity to educate others, but I do try to keep from being bombarded with them all the time by socializing primarily with like-minded mamas. Of course, you can't do that with family, since you don't choose them. I think Linda's right. Some people think that the fact that you do something differently than they do means you think that they are wrong, and feel the need to defend themselves.

I always take the attitude that what I do is the most normal thing in the world. "Oh yeah, I nursed my daughter for 5 years." "You should have seen my adorable cloth diapering system!" "Gotta go empty my Keeper." "Yeah, my 7 year old dd still sleeps with us."