Okay, I once had a very strong spiritual core. I read the Course in Miracles regularly, felt at peace with where I was, etc. etc. Won't even go into how far away I got from that and why. But it's time to go back. Although, the more I start looking at our lifestyle and where I am, we are definitely more on the pagan path. I seem to be drawn to Buddhism and/or paganism and it's like I've invented my own spirituality.

In the meantime, last night, my 4yo daughter asked, "Why did God die?" I have no idea where she might have gotten this except for maybe the fact that someone has told her that God takes care of the people in Heaven, i.e. her grandparents, etc. I answered her by saying that God was in every one of us, all the time. And we started reading "Mountains, Meadows, and Moonbeams" by Mary Summer Rain. But I don't know what to do.

We have 2 churches in town that I would go to and have been to in the past. There is a Unity Church and a Unitarian Universalist Church. I really like the Unity Church because I love the singing, especially at the end when everyone makes the big circles and sings "Let Peace Begin With Me." But I love the Unitarian principles of thinking globally and acting locally.

I need to learn. I want to learn. I don't know how or where to begin.....

You've already begun mama...seeking faith is a lifelong process even when you *do* know what your "religion" is, kwim?

I consider myself a panthiest because my beliefs span many religions, primarily Buddhism and earth-based systems. I don't quite fit into the UU category or the Buddhist category...it doesn't really matter aside from building community. But what I've found is that the more I embrace this place of seeking the more people I find who are traveling along the same path and community builds itself.

Attend the churches and see if you make any connections there. Read. Search the net. Search yourself. You have your own answers.

Sheesh, you'd think I was a philosopher or something. ;)

A pantheist. I like that. I've read so much about all the world's religion and it seems like I can find something in each of them. But I want to teach my daughter and I really don't know what to tell her.

When my son was small, we lived in a very small town and the Baptist Church was THE place to be. Period. And all his little friends went to Sunday School. So we went to church and he went to Sunday School and Church Camp in the summers. Then we QUIT going because he started developing ideals and believing in things .... I didn't want to go any further. We went to the Methodist Church for awhile also, which suited us better.

NOW, he's just one step away from being a complete atheist, but thanks me for raising him "as a Christian." He says if I hadn't done that, he would have had a harder time knowing what he believes NOW. I think atheism is just his way of saying he doesn't know WHAT he believes, but it's not the "Scary God" as he calls the God of Christianity.

I used to read every book I could get my hands on about world religions, but now.... well, I need the text to be a little more palatable and "readable" because I don't have the luxury of TIME anymore. I do still read the Course, but I find myself mostly reading spiritually based books rather than actual theosophical texts. I guess we'll try the churches and let our daughter grow WITH us, instead of trying to teach her one thing or another. I think the only thing I've taught her that I really believe is that God is everywhere, in everyone -- a bright white light of warmth and beauty that exists in every living thing.

But the more I get into the pagan texts, etc. the more inspired I become. And it's so far outside of the realm of where I've been that I guess I don't even know where to begin. There certainly aren't "churches" for that. At least not here. There's a CUUPS, but it's mostly teenagers and very young adults. We went to the Methodist Church HERE for a little while (DH grew up as a Methodist), but it was the same reaction from me ---- "Get me out of here!" To be fair, I did give it a little over two months. *sigh* I'm searching....

This might ramble a bit, but I hope you can find something useful in this.

I grew up Christian, had a falling out with the local Baptist church (which I shouldn't have been attending in the first place, given that I wasn't a BAptist) and became Wiccan. I spent 10 years in Wicca before having a falling out with just about everybody ;) and now here I am, religion-free, attending an Episcopal church with my daughter.

For me the decision to leave Wicca had two main components: 1. my own theology was both drifting away from Wicca and solidifying into something I was becoming less and less willing to compromise in order to participate in Wiccan-style worship and 2. because i felt very strongly about my children being raised within a religion, i needed a community in which to raise them. i needed a community that would support them, love them, challenge them, and provide guidance and strength. There is no real Wiccan community to speak of--Wiccans are a strange bunch, and tend to shy away from groups and the notion of real community. That was something I desperately needed, and because it was so sorely lacking in Wicca altogether, and coupled with number 1, I decided to skip out.

I felt stranded in a sense, because not having a neat and tidy lable to apply to myself was distressing and lonely. I wanted to be able to give a pithy response to the ubiquitious, "What religion are you?" question. But although I have very specific ideas about God, a system of spiritual ethics that is fully developed, implemented and constantly challenged, and a faith that is all-encompassing and ever-growing, I have no actual religion. That was hard for me, being the religious scholar that I am and having always considered myself religious. But what I discovered in my religious meanderings is that spending time with the wrong community can do one's relationship with God a lot of damage. It is far better to spend time alone with God and appreciate God's wonder than to spend time with others with a dilapidated, awkard, limited God.

I also realized that it was more important for me to give my time to a faith community that I agreed with, rather than a community that shared a similar belief system with me. The distinction there was crucial: faith is much deeper, more personal, more mythical, more powerful than mere belief. Faith is what directs our lives--it is the foundation for how we choose to live. It is, essential, the very things upon which we rest our heart. It consists of our ultimate values, our most treasured hopes for ourselves and the world, the very priciniples upon which we base our actions, our lives, our hopes, and our dreams. And that, for me, was much more important than theology--which is saying a lot for me!

So I had to find a group that would help me grow in faith. I wanted a group that treasured the same things I treasured: charity, right behavior, spiritual loving and connection, brotherhood and solidarity, and most importantly, a deep and true love for God in the many ways God shows himself to people.

I found that community in the Episcopal church, which is why I am raising my kids in that church. Our theology does not match. I am no Christian. But my faith matches the ultimate goals of the church--not salvation, but a brotherhood in God. I wanted that. And I wanted my kids to have that.

Anyway, community accomplished, we still need to feed our brains, right? To that end, I can recommend a few books to you that you might find helpful:

Dynamics of Faith , Paul Tillich
The Idea of the Holy , Rudolph Otto
Stages of Faith , James Fowler
Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Sue Monk Kidd
God In Search of Man, Abraham Joshua Heschel (this book is more Jewishly oriented but still accessible for non-Jews.)