**********************UPDATE********************** ******
i just wanted to say that i am so grateful for the advice and help that people gave me here when i originally posted this. today i was praying with a group of friends and i started crying when i was praying about jackson. it was because i am sooo in love with him now. i am so happy that i have him. i love him sooo deeply. i feel completely bonded with him and i long to be with him. i just felt the need to update everyone who posted here and helped me out. you guys are so great! thanks!!!!!

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i'm having a hard time. i think i'm just tired and overwhelmed a little. but i am not falling in love and bonding with jackson the way i did with savannah. i don't feel like taking pictures of him...i don't even think he's that cute...i'm just sad about it. i feel awful for thinking that. i love him....i really do..i'm just not falling in love with him like i thought i would. a little help mamas? :eyes:

Hi Julie,

What you are experiencing is normal! I have gone through varying phases with each of my children, from birth to present, where there are times when I am wanting to saturate myself with that particular child, then other times when we are a bit more distant. In the bigger picture, it will all smooth out over the long run. Be at peace with yourself, your new son, and your newly found relationship.

that everyone falls in love at different paces with their babies. for some moms it is immediate... for some it takes days, others weeks and for some even months... give yourself some time... time alone with jackson to look into his eyes... to kiss those lips... to massage those little fingers and feet.... you are a great mom- just overwhelmed with savannah's shinnanagans right now... fending off her issues with jealousy... you need some time. time alone with him will help you fall in love with your new man in no time at all!

Julie! Hugs! I think I posted about this before... but yes. I loved Anders when he was born, but I was NOT bonded with him the same as I had with Erik. With Erik--it was immediate, and sooooo strong. Whew. With Anders, it was slower, more gradual. a couple of months in I realized I was as in love as I had been with Erik. But it really took that long. Now, gosh, my intensity is strong for both of them.

Hang in there, it's TOTALLY normal. We know you love him, adn you WILL fall in love with him.

((((((((julie))))))))))
my Lauren and John were 20mos apart...I SO know exactly how you are feeling. I definately went through that. It was sort of like a let-down feeling, or anti-climatic. I knew we were having our boy, and was so proud, thrilled happy. I expected to get this immediate mama's boy kind of love. It just wasn't there...and I couldn't figure out why?!?!? With Lauren, it was just as I had expected. Total deliciousness and infatuation. (This is your first lesson in "don't ever think one will be/do anything the other will be/do" LOL)
I was blue that the pregnancy had ended, and I didn't feel like I thought I would about this little man. So, I went through the motions of daily life- and our mother-son relationship grew day by day. It wasn't instantanious, like it was when I first held my firstborn...but it was there. By the time he was a month, maybe 6 weeks....it was a full on love affair.
You need to cut yourself some slack, there mama. It is terribly difficult doing this w/ a toddler. I *swore* I'd never have 2 this close again (the others are 3.5 yrs apart)...well here I am with this beast of a 2 year old, running circles around me. I am at the mercy of a TWO year old!!!! There just aren't enough hours in the day to meet her every demand, and meet the demands of this babe~ not to mention have the time to *know* him. You start out doing the crucial stuff...protecting him from harm (LOL an all day job as it is), meeting his needs, meeting Savannah's needs...and you know what? If the girl gets one less book read or watches the TV, your dishes don't get done or the laundry never makes it into the drawers~ the sun will still rise tomorrow. And your kiddos will still love you. You are a good mama...and you are doing a great job. Mama said there'd be days like this, no? :)
I promise, PROMISE...by 6 weeks Little Miss will chill out and things will be easier...by 6 months life will be grand and you will be just blissed out with those two gorgeous babes! :heart:
Just hang on for the ride, mama...the bumps are what makes the smooth parts so wonderful!

:big hug:

i think it's very normal julie and i think you're really brave to admit that. i was the same way but it was opposite for me in some respects. it took me months to bond with jaycie but it was almost instant w/ cameron but while i was pregnant, i couldn't imagine having the same feelings for the baby as i did for jaycie. i think it goes in phases and that everyone, whether they admit it or not, has periods like this. (((hugs)))

Much like memory works often times we remember stuff not exactly as it was.

I remember not liking Miguel much in the first few months and calling your mom for support. In her comfort to me she talked to me about you and how SJ was just not yet a likable person and apparently as a newborn you were the same way. Always taking always needy all take and no give. I think she worded it better but in sum said some newborns are more needy then others.

Miguel and SJ were two of those demanding and unwilling to wait newborns, why wouldnt Jackson also be this type? What on earth would make us think that Miguel or SJ would be any less demanding at 2?

Jackson will soon become a more likable person and then falling in love will be easier. When you figure out what to do to help SJ with this transition please let me know!

julie

yes, I know how you may be feeling. Although not when Owen was born but this time when Piper was born. I think for me alot of it had to do with only me, dh, Maryssa and Owen were excited that she was coming. When she was born no one came to the hospital to see her, that really upset me. Even now no one really ever calls to see how the baby is doing, just a totally different expirence then with Owen and Maryssa.

:big hug: :big hug:

((((((Kelley))))))) that's awful....well WE LOVE THAT SWEET PIPER-GIRL!!!!! phooey to anyone else...their LOSS!!!! Look at that sweet baby...htey have no idea what they are missing!
:heart: Piper :heart:

I think it's possible to have fogotten when one actually falls in love with their child. I think that it takes longer, but the bond you have with your first is so strong by the time the second comes around that you think that you were always butt-crazy in love with the first when in actuality, it probably took longer than you remember. Does that make sense?

I loved Lauren when she was born, but it wasn't the butt-crazy love I have for her now. I don't think that really got going until probably 3-6 months.

Give yourself a huge break and big love. I don't know a mom on earth who isn't overwhelmed the first few months with their second. Mothering a newborn is HARD work and we forget that. Make sure to eat and to sleep and to take time alone every day.

:big hug:

(no, I'm not stalking, please remember my girl is not yet three ;) )

:big hug:

totally normal mama.

you will also find, that the loves you have for each childe are different.
you will love them because they are your childe but you will love each one in totally different ways. i know when i had lyl, i was afraid that i would never be able to love another childe. could a person have enough love for TWO children? she cried so much and was so much more demanding than máire had ever been - would i EVER be able to love her at all? it came, it took a bit but even now, with 3 children, it constantly suprises me how much i love them all and all in their own ways. no two loves are the same. yes they are equal - but different. someone recommended a book called "i love you the purplest" its supposed to be for children but i found it helped ME a lot in learning how to take care and love two children.

i have not yet read the replies, so forgive redundancy.

Totally btdt. With DD1, I still say she was not all that pretty until closer to 6 months. A friend described it like this- the first year, baby 2 is an interloper in your relationship with the 1 child. The 2nd year, a tag along. And finally a family member in his/her own right. Now, it was not quite this extreme for me, but it was at least a little like that and some days moreso than others. Also, newborns are BORING, and toddlers and preschoolers are interesting. With DD1, I always said I'd rather argue with 2yo DS than spend time with the newborn.

This time, oddly, I have had ALOT more time alone with the baby, and she and I have bonded much more easily than DD1 and I did.

i HAVEN'T READ REPLIES EITHER BUT I WANTED TO SAY , ITS NORMAL. ack sorry caps! it took me a long time to fall in love with makenna, I was so worried about bailee adjusting that I just put her aside :eyes: not really but you lnow... then all of the sudden I realized I did love her as much aand in a different way than bailee. now that sully is here i wanted a son so badly , but I still am not having those feelings yet, I know they will come though.

Now heres a flipper. bailee drew a picture of all of us and over mine and makennas head she drew hearts , over her dad & hers she drew an "x" she didn't even include sully , and i asked why they had x's and we had hearts and why wasn't sully in the picture and she said "you don't love me & daddy as much as you love makenna" and sully doesn't love us yet casue hes just a baby :wah: I cried becaseu she broke my heart...
:sadhug:

You'll fall madly in love , julie. you'll see , then they get old enough to break your heart :rolleyes:

You've gotten a lot of responses and I just wanted to echo them. With my second I had the same issues. Heck---I still have the issues with her. I love her dearly. I think that the bond with your first is something that just can't be rivaled. I was thrilled when my second was born. But had issues similar to yours from the beginning. Then came the guilt...why was I feeling this way? I has always been a cycle. To make matters worse, my first, Macy is just like me. She looks like me, she has the same interests/hobbies, temperment (yikes!), etc. We are closer. Claire is different. Is all Cook ( my last name)--different likes, etc. But she is sosooo sweet. I've had to work more to be close to her where it came more naturally with Macy. Now, with my third, and now fourth....I haven't had the same issues....I think perhaps because Macy and Claire were so close (just under 2 yrs. apart) and there is now a bigger gap b/t Macy and the younger two.

I don't know...I'm babbling, but really just wanted to say it's ok, and normal. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.
Love, Carey

thank you all so much. you have really made me feel so much more normal!

It is harder to fall in love with a new baby when you're still needing to be 100% for the first one. The 1 to 2 baby adjustment is difficult in some cases and that can cloud what would normally be your time for bonding and falling in love...

Hannah is calling me , if you're home we can chat tomorrow but I wanted to give you some LOVE :heart: and a :big hug: and tell you Jackson is the cutest little guy EVER and you are going to look at him one day soon and your heart will burst in two...

Love you, sweetie!

Jessica

:hug:

Julie - I am heartbroken to hear that you are having a difficult time. THough it is normal, I also know that doesn't really help you does it?! I am still waiting for #2 and am scared to feel the way you are feeling. I felt that way with DS#1. I wasn't even sure that I loved him. I had to keep asking DH "Are you sure that I love him? Tell me because I do not know." Of course I cared for him and was attentive but there wasn't ths immediate connection. It took months for me and then finally it was as though I woke up one day and life was different. I KNEW that I loved DS and I LOVED being with him. Up until then though, what I was experiencing was very frightening and upsetting to me. How could I feel this way about a child I was so excited to birth and two, how could I feel this way about my own child anyways?

The could will rise and you will feel better in time. The adjustment is not easy I am sure and you are such a wonderful mother that you are trying to please everyone and keep them all as happy as peas in a pod - which, IMO just isn't possible all of the time. This is a learning experience for everyone. Keep your chin up, stay strong and the puzzle pieces will soon all fit together.

:big hug: and lots of :heart: going your way.

When Josh was born, I remember those first few postpartum weeks thinking that if something were to happen, it would be okay as long as it wasn't Lindsey.. and that I was feeling completely, hopelessly disconnected from him.. and it scared the crap out of me. I know that in part it was having a boy.. I had it in my head that I wouldn't know what to do with a boy.. and I couldn't get past that.. plus Lindsey was 16.5 months and she was still a baby.. and my entire world. Even though Josh was wanted, it was still like having a little intruder into my relationship with her, and I think in a way I resented that at first. I remember thinking it wasn't HARD to fall in love with her.. so something either had to be wrong with him, or with me.. and that self doubt only made it all more difficult for me to cope with. I can't remember how long it took me to work through it all - I want to say about 6 weeks, but I could totally be off - but I can't imagine my life without him, and it still breaks my heart to think back on those feelings.

You're not the only one, sweetie, even when it feels that way. *hugs*

you know what made me realize how deep & intense my love is for cole (when he was an itty bitty needy clingy nursling).....when i looked at his tiny left ring finger & had the thought that some day there will be a wedding ring on that finger & some other woman is gonna love him as much as i do. (makes me weepy now just remembering that feeling)

op

i think it's very normal julie and i think you're really brave to admit that. i was the same way but it was opposite for me in some respects. it took me months to bond with jaycie but it was almost instant w/ cameron but while i was pregnant, i couldn't imagine having the same feelings for the baby as i did for jaycie. i think it goes in phases and that everyone, whether they admit it or not, has periods like this. (((hugs)))

Ditto, but replace Jaycie with Jordan. :) I felt instant bonds with Caitlyn and Christian, but did not for a while with Jordan for some reason. I've not bonded with Lauren this pregnancy and am afraid I won't be able to once she's born, but am hoping once I have her in my arms and know she's okay, we will be okay.

I think it's hard for us as moms to feel it and admit it, though b/c that's not the "expected", yk? (((HUGS)))

(btw, it took me a while to think ANY of my kids were cute when they were little! ;) )

How are you doing Julie? You have been on my mind an awful lot. :heart:

just wanted to post an update...i'm feeling much better. every day is better. i really appreciate all the advice and help i got here. it really helped to hear you all tell me i'm normal and share your feelings.

thanks

UPDATE IN ORIGINAL POST

:heart: so glad to hear it!!!

nak