your husband bringing home another woman with no explanation and saying "deal with it".

That's what a woman on the phone told me today when she returned my call about carseats. I have to admit, it hit the nail on the head.

I know it's not even been a week, and it's been less since I've come home, but what can I do to ease this transition for Finn. He's so upset. He cries or throws a tantrum over everything. He's just unhappy, and not adjusting. Any little attempt at correcting, or modifying behavior results in a much worse situation. I don't want to abandon rules like "ask nicely for your milk" but I feel a little leaniency is in order too. Where's the middle line? What can I do to make Finn feel special? I'm betting Winnie is feeling it too, she's just old enough to process more. I really want them to be ok. Maybe it's hormones, but I feel so guilty for intruding on their lives with a new life, lol. I know that sounds just really pathetic and stupid. How can I make it all better?

I really want them to be ok. Maybe it's hormones, but I feel so guilty for intruding on their lives with a new life, lol. I know that sounds just really pathetic and stupid. How can I make it all better?
You are a sweet, sensitive mama!
I could have written this posts months ago. It was so hard the first few days. Charlie would scream all the time. It wasn't until I started holding him, carrying him while DH held the baby is when I saw some improvement. If you are starting to get resentful, you're doing too much. It took a few months, but my 2 year old actually hugs and kisses the baby, and has such a kind disposition. Funny, about 6 months ago he was trying to bite everyone.

Do the best you can. This is a challenging time for everyone. :big hug:
Amy

Gwen, Weston did the same thing, and I felt so bad for him. He has adjusted to his new role as big brother and not baby, but it took a lot of time. Don't worry too too much. Children have gone through this since the beginning of time. he will be ok.

Same thing with Justin, and I'm looking forward (ha ha) to the same thing probably with both kids this time. Mama/Finn time is crucial. I know, it's near impossible to get, but it's still crucial. Maybe your husband can take the baby for a ride to the pizza place to pick up pizza or something while you and Finn play a game...the baby will likely sleep in her carseat and he will have you to himself. Or once you're up and about more, maybe you and Finn can run out for a quick errand. I remember when Rebecca was a week or two old, I left her sleeping with DH while Justin and I went out to get gas in my car and a peppermint patty for each of us. We drove home (this was like a 4 minute drive, LOL) and sat in the driveway just the two of us eating our candy. It doesn't have to be anything big, even a few minutes alone with mama will help. Of course youll have to do this with your older child as well, I'd imagine. ;)

It's hard, but very worth it!

Omgosh, you hit my fears right on. I am so worried that Gwen (who will just be shy of 4 when the baby comes) is in for a huge, huge shock. I really don't know what to do! Her life has already changed so dramatically with my hyperemesis that I hope the baby coming will be really nice for her since mommy won't be sick anymore.

My dd and I would go grocery shopping together after a couple months, and dh and grandma would take her to do fun things, like puppet shows, Chuck E cheese, etc those first couple weeks when I was still recovering from the c/s. We also would go to the mall and dh or grandma would take the baby and Emma and I would do something fun together like Build A Bear or Club Libby Lu. She also would hold the baby a lot or sit with him when he was in his baby seat on the bathroom floor while I was taking a quick shower, it made her feel really important to take care of the baby for me like that, she liked to get diapers for me too.

OMGoodness! How did I miss that the baby is here already? Congratulations!

Wish I could advise, but my 3yo either didn't notice or just totally ignored the new baby the first several weeks. But I know how bad it feels not to have an extra lap and extra arms for all your "babies." I hope the adjustment period is quick for Finn and Winnie. They know mama still loves them. ;)

I know it's hard - I"ve btdt. Please though do NOT give in and carry a 3 year old post -c-section before 6 weeks. You can rip yourself open again or get an infection that will delay your recovery even farther. I think being a little more lenient about things for a few weeks to a few months is o.k. I know the twins were SUCH a shocker to Maddy esp and also Michael (Melissa was old enough to cope much better) that we let a lot go for a while. Pick your battles really carefully. Things will get easier - this is the hardest part that you are at right now.

I could have written your post!

Veronica began sucking her thumb and biting after Viv came home. She's still very touchy about Viv and I going anywhere alone together such as well baby visits.

Things calmed down but it took about 5 weeks. Hang in there, Mama.

Thank you all. I was so totally unprepared for emergency c-sec. All the plans I had to ease the transition went down the tubes with all the recovery restrictions. I know we'll be ok, I just feel overwhelmed with the changes and newness of it all.

Thank you all for the encouragement.