This is just eating me up lately. We have been talking about buying another house. Last year my dh agreed to another child and said we should probably first get another house. We have a 3 bedroom but one room is the office. So I have been looking for land and at model homes.

We have one child and she is 5 1/2. Before we got married my dh wanted two. I never thought this would be an issue. Now I'm getting older, my menstrual cycle has been changing and I'm getting anxious. The other week we had a big fight and he said he didn't want any more and things haven't been right since. I'm tired of the roller coaster ride. One week he says yes, the next no. Some of his issues have to do with money but mostly it's about family issues that make no sense. I think he's just making excuses.

He just switched jobs last month and it was supposed to make his life easier. Less travel, not working directly with the public but he's gotten more and more crabby. We're still having work done on the house from the hurricane and now he's constantly talking about remodeling the kitchen. We're not finished the work that is important like the roof and he wants to remodel. None of it makes sense.

I've dropped the issue for long periods of time thinking he would eventually come around. Thinking things would change. They don't. I just can't see living forever like this and have even thought about divorce. I don't want to drag my dd through a divorce and shared custody over a child that isn't even here though, if that makes sense.

So, I guess I need to get over it. I'm just having so much trouble doing that :-( I'm forever upset and crying about it. I know I'll look back and wish I had had more than one child when it is too late. And I've talked to my friends about it but what can be said. How do I get over it or at the least past it?

It's a very very tough issue. I ended up leaving my first dh over his vacilation about having ANY kids (13 yr marriage - no kids - he promised we could have them) and in hindsight I can see that not having kids with him was a true blessing to everyone. Yet I loved him and still mourn the death of that marriage yet am so super happy in my current (and last) marriage.

I'd really recommend going to see a marriage counselor together. No matter what you do (more children/no more children) this issue can eat at both of you and always leave unresolved tension. You both need to say out loud all the things that are going through your head/heart and then move on, where ever you go (figurtively and literally).

hugs to both of you! I am sure your dh is not happy, either, and feeling awful. WIshing brighter days ahead for you soon! Cathy

(((((kim)))))) im sorry you're feeling down :( i wish i could hug you in person :hug:

email me if u want

I just wanted to say I'm sorry - I hope you find a good solution for your family, or are at peace with whatever decision you ultimately make.

I don't know either. But when I wanted a 2nd & we had to wait b/c of deployment issues it really was hard to see all my friends get pg & here of all the births here too. That's how I really knew that I wanted a 2nd.

Now we're talking about if we're done or not and I just don't know. Waiting to figure it out. Kinda at peace with who I have but am afraid to regret not having more. :big hug:

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We are going through the same thing. I just turned 33 and my ds will be 5 this week. I'm a little afraid to "start over" now. I really wish we would have had children close in age. My dh still wants to wait.

And since my DH had a vasectomy when I was pregnant with her, I just knew she was my last. I spoiled her to pieces. Gave her 100% of my attention whenever the kids were in school, and went crazy, knowing she was the last. I was so upset with dh for getting the vasectomy and not telling me. I had wanted 6 kids (Lauren was #5). It was super hard for me. Every time I saw a baby I wanted another for years and years and years..........

By the time Lauren hit about 4 things got easier. I was content with her being the last one, especially since I had divorced. And, what do you know? I am now expecting #s 6 & 7 (Bruce's only kids). That was super hard for me too, you do come to a point where you get content and at peace with what you have. I KNOW I am 100% done having children after these 2 and am totally content with that decision.

I guess what I am trying to say is give it time, and you never know Gods plans.

I don't want to drag my dd through a divorce and shared custody over a child that isn't even here though, if that makes sense.



And this wouldn't ensure that you will meet a terrific guy who is stepfather and husband material. Ask me how I know that there is slim pickings.

I have had thoughts similar to yours in the past. My dh also doesn't want any more children. We also have 1 child, and I sometimes have felt "cheated" and jealous when I see other moms that have 3 or 4 kids. Knowing that I will never hold another baby of my own is hard to deal with. I have to say though, that as my ds has gotten older, it is easier to say, well, do I *really* feel like doing all of the "baby" stuff again? Will my ds and his sibling have a good relationship being more than 5 years apart? I don't know...

But I *do* know that I love my family right now. I have stopped pestering my dh about having more kids and have focused on how we are living right now. I have had to stop focusing on how things "could be" with another baby and just focus on the child that I have already been blessed with. I am really enjoying ds as he grows older and we are growing in our relationship together. I am happier and more fulfilled when I keep to this reasoning.

Maybe a marriage counselor would be a good idea though. It couldn't hurt...

Thanks for all of the replies. It does help to know that I am not the only
one with these feelings.

And I do know that a divorce would not ensure meeting someone else. I never even saw it that way. I just see the anger that I hold towards my dh b/c of this issue.

I do wish that I could just let it go and move on but it's not happening at the moment :-(

Thanks again.

I'm wondering this myself. I've always wanted 3 or 4 and dh is dead set on 2. I'm 35 and have somewhat "accepted" that this will be my last, but it is going to be so hard to let go that I won't ever be pregnant again, that I will never feel a baby move inside me again, that I'll never snuggle a newborn (after this one) again, etc. I certainly don't want him to have to have a baby he doesn't want to have, I just really wish that he'd change his mind and he's not one to not be practical. I've told him that since it is his choice that we are done, he can do something about it and that I'd be willing to make the permanent changes after another. Our discussion is over. He's getting snipped and I've dropped it (as far as talking to him about it). I'm not going to discuss it anymore and I'm "accepting" it, but I'd jump on it in a heartbeat if he even suggested he might be interested in a third.

I'm with you guys 100%. It is hard knowing you will not have any more kids. I have 1 little girl. She will be 8 on Halloween. We have talked about having more kids but I'm pretty happy with what I have. I have been blessed with an amazing little girl but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a couple more. I'm only 26 but with Alyssa being 8, there is such a hugh age difference. She will most likely be my only child and I'm OK with that. Just sometimes think about wanting more. peace & love to everyone!

Wanted to offer hugs and hope that you can find peace with whatever decision you make for your family.
My oldest dd is turning 16 tomorrow. I was divorced from her biological donor by the time she was 9 months old and a single mother. When she was 6 I met my current dh (the love of my life) and the discussion about more children began. She was 9 when we got married (and I was totally stressed out about starting a family at 35 with a 9 yo). My dd was born when Chels was almost 11. And when I turned 38 we had our son who is now 2, so he and big sis are 14 years apart.
We are officially done having children. Dh had the V and I am totally content with our decision. After Zoey was born I just knew the family wasn't complete somewhere in my heart I just felt there was another soul out there and I was right... it was Roman. Now that he's here we're good. The teen loves the little ones tho they annoy her to all get out sometimes. The little ones love each other and also annoy each other. Life and our family is full. No more babies for me. Am goign to care for my best friends newborn when she arrives in the next week or so , when she goes back to work in january so that'll give me all the baby stuff i need lol

Rambling, sorry... anyway - I hope you can find peace with whatever decision you make

After Zoey was born I just knew the family wasn't complete somewhere in my heart I just felt there was another soul out there and I was right... it was Roman. Now that he's here we're good.

See, that's sort of where I feel I am. I LOVE (love, love, love) the miracle and wonder of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and the first few days with a newborn and I will miss that (but I'd miss it if we had 10 more children - which at my age I do not believe to be possible), but when I look at my family, it feels complete (even with only two). I don't feel as if there is someone missing. I will miss the miracle, but I don't feel we are missing another member.

I have no idea. I have 4 and not having anymore, but it's hard. Dh and i always said 6 :monkeydan and then he cheaped -out on two. Our thrid was a wonderful surprise, and the last was 3 years in the begging. (Not really begging, but I **so** wanted another). I was 38 when she was born and dh tells me over and over how right I was. Of course, then I say, "Then how about another?" and he just laughs. My last preg and birth was a breeze. The child herself is a breeze and so much fun. We're relaxed and loving her up and she repsonds in kind. (Ok, she never sleeps, but I am used to it now. Plus, she's her daddy- he still doesnt need much, either).

I know several women who are sorry they didn't have 'the last baby'. It's more with women with two, however. It seems for most folks, the third helps put the emotional house in order. of course, I know a woman with 7 and another with 8 and both of them would have kept going had their dhs agreed to more. Some of us want lots of kids. Some lucky ones get that, and the rest of us have to accept it's not in the cards for us and give what we can to others. I know I like to take care of people...and they like me to take care of them.

Still, I like caring for my own children best. I've decided there is not much hope for us crazies. :rolleyes:

I wonder about this often. Everyone always tells me that when we are done, I'll just know it. I definetly do not know that we are done, so I'm pretty sure we aren't. But, I can't picture EVER feeling done.... even though I think 4 is probably the right amount...

~jo

Well, I've dropped it. Given up. So, who brings it up the other day?

I do wish I could get inside the mind of this man. I am completely amazed at the thinking sometimes. He will do absolutely anything for me but this is such a huge block. I have to let it go or spend each day stressing about it and my dd doesn't deserve a mom like that. Time will tell I suppose. Just never thought I'd be in this position.