Justin is going through a difficult stage. If I ask him to do something he completely ignores me, and if I insist he do something he gets very combative. Yesterday, for example, he was riding his bike without his helmet. He has worn a helmet since he has had a bike, over a year now. So I told him that his choice was to wear a helmet or get off of the bike. He refused both. I had to physically remove him from the bike, so I told him that I would be putting the bike away in the garage for a few days. Fine.

Today he was riding his sister's Big Wheels, and she wanted to ride it. I told him that he had to give it to her, and when he complained that he did not have his bike, I reminded him where it was and why. He immediately began screaming, crying, hitting me, etc. I told him that that was unacceptable, and that he needed to come off of the lanai for a bit. (That is where she was riding the Big Wheels.) He refused. I physically removed him from the lanai and of course he kept running back out there. Finally I sat with him on the couch, holding him (not really restraining him because while he was kicking me, he wasn't trying to get away) and told him that if I could trust him to stay off of the lanai for a little while, then he could go play or find something else to do.

I just dont' know what to do! He's 4 now and small enough so that I CAN physically remove him from a situation if I have to, but in a couple of years that will not be the case. Also, I had hoped to be past the point of physical redirection by now.

If I tell him to rest in his bed to calm down, or to sit on the couch, or to just stay OUT of a room he does the exact opposite. While I don't expect or want to control his every move, I do expect and want him to follow the rules.

When I try to talk to him about any of this, he just rolls his eyes and changes the subject, or starts babbling like a baby, or something equally disrespectful. I would expect this from a preteen, not a preschooler!

This really has nothing to do with our problems, but I have also noticed that he's doing the eye-roll "you are so stupid" look to other adults as well. He wants to go to storyhour but then refuses to participate. He won't answer questions that the dentist asks him (questions like "do you brush your teeth?" or "how old are you?"). Now that's I'm typing this all out I'm getting really worried. We plan to homeschool, so he's never been to preschool, but I wonder if I were to send him, would they say he has some kind of social/emotional issue?

Is this normal four year old behavior? Help!

I feel your pain! You sound really frustrated :hug:

I think you are doing good things! By giving him choices and consequences he is learning and he isn't always going to be cooperative. Every time you stand firm, he learns that you mean what you say. My ds's teacher told me once that the best reinforcer is intermittent reinforcement... like if one time you discipline for a behavior and the next you don't, you are reinforcing him to do the undesireable behavior.

I find that using a timer helps a lot and it gives them a real idea of when they are expected to do something. Or even just saying things like "you may ride the bike around the table 3 more times then it's your sister's turn" or "you may ride the bike till I count to 10 then you need to get off"

The "babble" you say he does when confronted by questioning concerns me though... does he just babble meaningless stuff or is he repeating things from a story or show? The babble may be his way of replying or coping if he doesn't know the answer. He may find direct eye contact uncomfortable and that is why he looks away (or rolls his eyes).

It sounds like you are doing all the right things! Keep trying and hang in there :hug:

I think it is normal behavior at this age. My now 9 yr old was the same. I remember people telling me what an angry boy he was at 4 yrs old. I have the same issues with Kayden. They are testing us big time. Kayden is big into NO these days and not listening. We were on the way to the library yesterday and made a stop where he was acting up, not listening, so I decided not to embarrass myself with him in the library and he screamed at me to take him to the library all the way home. I mean angry, i hate you screaming. It tugs at my heart, but I cannot keep giving him what he wants all the time.

I too worry about August when school starts (Kayden is going to school). I think once Kayden gets into a more structured environment that he will conform to the setting and calm down (hopefully). We are starting to go to the YMCA to work out and he WANTS to go to the daycare in there, so I think I have a chance!

SO, what I am saying is that it is normal, but of course unacceptable behavior and taking away his toys or favorite item or what they WANT is a good way for them to learn consequences. Good Luck!