My 13 yo will be 14 in May. She's a good kid. Straight A's, not someone with self esteem issues, or anymoreso over any other teen her age. She is confident, very self assured, etc, etc, etc....

And today she pierced her own upper ear area. I am in shock. It's not like her to do something like that. And the pain, wow, she is a HUGE wuss about pain. Seriously, she cries and hyperventilates at the mention of "You need a tetanus vaccine"....but she did this.

How do I know? Sarah, my 7 yo, was looking for her ear piercing care lotion. She had hers pierced for the 1st time at the mall a few months ago and still cleans them with the solution nightly. It was missing. I began to remember my oldest, Chelsie, asking me about cartilage piercing. "Can it paralyze your face if done wrong?" and other questions. I remember this happening this week, the questions. I asked her why she asking all of them....because of kids at school, apparently. Who are possibly being allowed to go get their pierced. (I don't know any of her friends who are allowed to do this....)

Chelsie is at her friends for the night. We call her, tell her we "know". She lies, and says she only took the ear cleaning solution because her doubled pierced ears were red (done a year ago). I said no, no way, fess up now. She does. She pierced her own cartilage this morning, in her room.

Sigh.....


What now? Dh wants to go over to her friends house and drag Chelsie home. LOL. Not literally but you know... We won't do that, but it sounds good. LOL. I am just at a loss. Do I try to be understanding and allow it, but discuss lying and breaking my rules? (She asked about getting it done, I said no, maybe when you are older) Do I make her remove it? Help??? WWYD??????? :juggle:

I don't know what I would do.

I think at the very least I might make her go see the pediatrician to check on the job she did to make sure it looks okay and to get advice about what to do with it.

I say that since our pediatrician once mentioned how her own dd pierced her navel and had an awful infection from it.

The higher on the lobe you pierce.....the more apt it is to have problems.

I do have two teens (neither have done this though). I don't think I'd make a battle of it but discuss concerns about why it happened and what to do now.

I'll let the moms with teens or tweens answer but I remember when I was 11 I wanted my ears double pierced so bad. My parents said no way, so I did it myself. I did an awful job. They were uneven. BUT I didn't care. I went on to do 2 more holes on the left side (no need for even-ness if I did just one ear). I think if my parents had just taken me to get the second set done 1) they would have been done right 2) I wouldn't have realized how "easy" it was to do it myself.

I can't say for sure though. It's a tough call. My 14 yr old brother wants his ear pierced desperately. I keep telling him how uncool it is and that chicks won't dig it when he's 25 or 30 but he doesn't care.

I will say that I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. I don't think that picking her up from her sleepover will fix anything. Let her stay there and stew over how much trouble she'll be in tomorrow, LOL. All you can hope is that she gets a minor infection, that isn't serious, but will cause enough discomfort and require effort to heal. Maybe then she'll appreciate doing it the right way, even if it means waiting until she's an adult.

Don't listen to me though. I can't control/handle my 4 and 2 yr olds, LOL.

Cartilage is painful. She will probably take it out before you know it. I had mine done 2 times, and had to take it out both times. I couldn't even answer the phone on that side.

As for consequences... it is a hard call. Having her take it out will only make her want it more, but I can understand the wanting to provide some type of reprocussion (sp?)

Perhaps have her take it out now and earn it (done professionally, so you don't have to worry about the infection thing)? That is what my parents did w/ my belly button.

I don't have teens, but was a rebel not too terribly long ago, lol, and have 15 and 13 y.o. siblings.

O my Goodness-look at Marina's kids. So cute!

Denise...big hugs....been through this for a year.

It is a battle I had to pick my battles on this one...but without consequences, my son has each ear peirced and my dd has about 4 holes in her ear and a belly button piercing. They walked all over me on that one.

Lying is not acceptable so I hope you can find a way to have reasonable consequences without intense stress. I really feel for you because it is hard when things like this happen.
Much love, D.

I pierced my ears several times when my parents said no, and tried to hide it. Eventually they saw them. They did make me take them out and I would do the same. It's not ok with me, and lying about it is a whole 'nother thing.

I'd talk to her, find out why it was so important she did it anyway, talk about lying, etc. and maybe you'll decide you can live with it. I wouldn't allow my daughter to do it at her age, and if she did she'd have to grow it over. I try and pick my battles like Kristerae said but for us, this would be one of them.

Chelsey and I have discussed piercings and mutually agreed that as its more permanent then hair coloring (she's done pink and is red now) , makeup or clothing she should wait til she is 18 when she is of an age to make her own decisions bout her body. If she went and pierced I'd be hurt. And sad. Offended and insulted honeslty.

You said no and she showed blatent disregard for your wishes.

I'd say thats about lack of respect, my feelings would be extremely hurt and thats probably what I'd tell her.She wasn't a victim of your cruelty (my mom is so mean and she won't let me do this. i'll show her. she can't stop me). You made an executive decision as the parent. And she betrayed your confidence in her, acted against your wishes and then treated you as if you were stupid when she lied to you.

I mean you could drag her out of her friends house, tell her she's not allowed to wear the earring and ground her. But i'm not sure any of that would have the affect of just letting her know that she's violated your relationship in a big way. I'd also let her stay and stew. And decide what you want the lesson to be.

I guess (and i'm just guessing so take this for what it is... my guessing)...
I guess that I would tell her that she chose what was important to her- the peircing. So i hope she's happy with it decision. All decisions have consequences - and I hope that piercing is worth it to her. She chose the piercing over her relationship with me or us her parents. It might not be what she meant. But it woudl be how I felt.

I would probably feel, and tell her that I believed our relationship was damaged and I'm not sure how she plans to fix that.

I'd tell her that I'm hurt. and that I"m sad. And that I'll need some time.
And then I'd probably ask her to go to her room and think about what is important to her.

I would want her to think less about the fact that she "disobeyed" or she "got away with it" and more about the fact that she hurt me by doing something i asked her not to, and then lying about it


but now that i re-read that, it might be about guilt so maybe you should ignore me.

Big hugs to you mama. I hope you're all ok.

Denise, you're in Sherwood right ? You could take her to see my sister at BlackHole body peircing. She has been a piercer for about eight years. She could look at it for you and tell your daughter some gruesome stories about peircing and why it's probably not a good idea to do it your self, sanitation etc.

;pop: Your sister works there?!? Ha! Too funny. I almost got my nose pierced there....but they had no woman on staff for that night, and I wanted a woman. LOL. I went to Adorn Body Art and had it done there instead (Beaverton area).

Interesting thought though...I am sure Chelsie knows I know jack about piercings, and thinks my opinion on infections and such must also be "jack"...hearing it from a pro would help. Hrmmm...

Barb, I feel the same. A bit sad that she did not come to me. Or did, and I said no, and I feel sad she did not listen. Or at least did not come back and try to tell me more about WHY it was so important to her. I just really did not get that vibe from her. I am pretty easy going, and she too had dyed her hair purple, etc. I did it for her! LOL. And I really believed she respected my rules, and even opinions, on this. I was wrong, and it does bother me for that reason above all. The actual piercing itself too, but that, to me, os only 10% of it...more is the lying and not respecting me...

Barb, I agree...lol...it did sound a bit guilt inducing. LOL. And while I don't think I could say she chose a piercing over our relationship, I can and will say that I am hurt that she felt her want to pierce over-ruled my want for her not to...and that I not only wish she had come to me about how important it was to her, and also respected my rules, and wishes, on waiting....

Sigh....

Natural guilt is not bad though. Kwim? I don't want to cause it, but I will tell her how sad and hurt I am, and angry...and I know her natural guilt will kick in a bit. I hope. LOL. :rolleyes:

lol, I think she is the only female piercer they have. Her name is Najwa if you want to call her and bring your dd in :) She works at the both the Portland and the Beaverton location.

I think it's important that she follows your rules and understands that going behind your back isn't the best idea. I guess I think if you go with "well it's already done so fine keep it" it's just saying she can get away with this in the future kwim...

I personally would make her take it out and talk about when she can get it. Either a specific date or after a specific behavior. Like my 9yr wanted his hair blue, we talked about maturity and making decisions for oneself etc. He started showing more maturity and I let him dye his hair (what a pita that was!)

I also think there should be some consequences to the lieing and decieving.

also, I don't think there is anything wrong true guilt. I mean you shouldn't play it up and badger her with it but if she feels guilt over what she did I think that's a good thing, it means she has a conscious. You may need to "encourage" that guilt buy explaining how you feel about. I would also tell her that if she had come to you and expressed her feelings that you two could have talked about it and come to a compromise rather than her going behind your back and lieing to you.

Although it would be difficult, I think if it were me I would go pick her up from her friend's house immediately. Because lying and disobeying are major offenses, the consequence in our family is grounding. Grounding doesn't include sleeping over at a friend's house, so I would go pick her up.

Picking her up would send a very clear message (not just to dd, but also to her friend and her friend's parents which would make it all the more clear to dd that this is serious).

Much easier said than done, I know.

i love randah's idea.

and then, after she's had time for the pain to set in pretty good, i think it would be time for a heart to heart about why she went ahead and did it after you said no. i would think an open nonconfrontational talk, with a clear understanding in advance that there are consequences when people violate family rules and you will be determining those consequences, would be a great idea. that way, you do get to hear her side and hopefully she will hear your side as well. in my home, there would be consequences for smething like this. at a minimum, we would have the piercing removed (and have her talk with her pediatrician after randah's sis) but i suspect i would do something that would reinforce the concept of mutual responsibility to each other in a family too.

Ouch Denise...

My dd is about the same age as your dd...
I think the issue here is that she went behind your back and did it. If my dd did that I'd be furious....my dd has always been upfront with me, she has had her cartilages pierced twice (one was redone). She also has her ears pierced (2 holes)...

She ended up having to let her cartilages close because of SEVERE infections (which landed her in the hospital)..Her ear piercings are also going to close up (and she's had one set since she's a baby) because they are constantly infected. Then again, that is not the norm for *most* people*.

I think there should be consequences for her lying and disobeying...she should be picked up from the friends house (yes...I'm a meanie). She should also have her piercing checked.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with ear/cartilage piercings (within reason of course) as long as the parent(s) agree :)
Good luck.

I'd let her stay at the party and stew, knowing you know what she did and are disappointed in her, then when she came home I'd definately have a talk with her letting her know how disappointed and sad you are in her behavior. If she starts feeling guilt at that point you know she still cares about right and wrong (which is a good thing). A bit of rightly earned guilt won't be bad for her, as long as she knows you still love her and that you know she still loves you, but that she just made a bad choice.

I'd also let her know that you won't allow disregard for the rules you have set, and I'd make her take it out. If you had already thought through the pros and cons and decided no prior, why would you change your opinion on whether it is acceptable just because she went ahead and did it herself? If anything, that would make it more unacceptable because of her disrespect of your rules and lying to cover it.

Have you set an age when it would be appropriate? If she has a definate time in the future that she knows she'll be able to, than maybe it'll be easier to wait.

I had the same discussion with my now 17 year old that Barb did with Chelsey about piercings being more permanent than hair color. At around age 13/14 I told her if she still wanted a higher ear piercing when she was 16 I'd let her, she waited and does have one higher piercing which healied without problems. However for the lip piercing that she's mentioned recently she's still waiting!

Well my first thought would be that she clearly wanted this very badly. I don't believe she did it to irritate you, right? So it is probably that she took the risk of upsetting you because it meant that much to her.
This is just me and I don't mean to offend.
I would probably apologize for not understanding how important this was to her. I would take her to an ear piercing specialist to make sure it was done ok and will heal properly. Of course I would explain that my feelings are hurt that my wishes weren't respected, that's not cool. I would work with her to make a plan for the next time something like this comes up.
To me though piercing, cutting hair, style of dressing etc. these things are important to young people (well to me too actually lol). If you have valid reasons why it's not ok then you should go over them again and make it clear. I have never been able to come up with any myself. I dyed my hair red when I was 11 years old and my mom was at work.
Drugs, sneaking out to parties, etc. These are different thngs all together.
I wouldn't want to prohibit things I consider harmless the same I would prohibit serious things like drinking. It helps the serious things stay serious, kwim? Anyway this is just me of course. I don't mean any offense by it, just sharing how I feel about it. It's just my luck that my 13 yr old is such a "normy" LOL. I encourage him to be expressive in his dress and hair but he refuses to be anything but normal! Isn't it always that way?

My 14 yr old brother wants his ear pierced desperately. I keep telling him how uncool it is and that chicks won't dig it when he's 25 or 30 but he doesn't care.

Where are you from? Here (Ontario) it is very cool for guys to have both ears pierced. Very trendy right now.
Besides they can always close up later on. It's those spacer things that kill me. Have you seen them? You make a huge quarter sized hole in your lobe. It looks neat now but in 10 years when you are (trying to be) a respectable lawyer? LOL. Of course things like tats and piercings are so common now that generation probably won't think anything of it as they age.
Lisa

i don't think her lying was acceptable at all, but i remember piercing my ears w/ a safety pin! LOL ~ i did both my 2nd holes myself as well.

she is at the age where self-expression is starting to show ~ i'd talk w/ her about the lying & hiding it from you, but if she truly wants it, i agree to take her to a pro. to check out etc...

self expression is imporatnt & needs to be encouraged ~ now, if she wanted her nose, eyebrow or belly...lol, that is a bit diff. than an ear, kwim? for those i'd make my dd wait until she was 18.

I would sit down and talk to her about it. But would probably let it go. My dd's have done this in the past and ended up letting them close.One of mine even pierced her own belly button!(ouch!) But she let it close and we got it done at the body piercing place in town.

I know as a kid i did my own more than once.:) Usually let it close and got it done again later in a store.

Just make sure she is taking care of it properly.

Good Luck,
Sue

To me, the issue would be more the disobeying and lying than the piercing. If she gets to keep it and only gets a talking to, then what's to keep her from disobeying on other things later? I'd definitely have her take it out. And I would NOT discuss getting it professionally done. Seems like a reward to me. I'd probably get a doctor's appointment and have her pay for it and for any cleaning solution she needs. I think that's a very natural consequence. She can do extra chores (like weeding the lawn or something "fun" like that) or babysitting to earn the money. Then, I'd talk about trust and tell her she broke it, so she would lose it for awhile and would have to earn it back.

Good luck!!!!

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. It does seem super out of character for your dd. I would want to have a talk with her about why she did it. Was a friend influencing her? (makes me wonder since it was right before the party) Did she really want it that badly? If so, she needs to know that even after a NO, she can still come to you if something is super important to her, explain why and you will promise to compromise or talk more in depth about your reasoning or just try to "work with her" on it but that going behind you is the WORST option she could choose.

I am really not sure if I would let her keep it or not. If you take it out it may scar and if she did a decent job it might be better to leave it in but have some other serious consequence like a long grounding or ??? I feel she needs a direct consequence besides guilt to make her see that defying you is NOT the right course to take EVER.

I am on the fence about this issue as well. Mainly because I VERY MUCH regret having pierced ears at all. I have both ears double pierced down on my lobes and one on the left ear up at the cartilage. I have a few reasons for this:

1.) I wore too heavy of earrings in the 80's and now my first piercing in both ears is more like a 1/4 inch slit. I CANNOT wear any wire or dangle earrings because it shows this slit. So I wear large studs that cover up these holes. I don't know why people think "you can always let them close" because I left earrings out for a couple YEARS in an attempt and all 5 of mine are open!
2) Piercings are so common now, I feel it would be much more unique to have none would rather have a whole intact body, even if they are only tiny holes I just hate them now.
3) I am allergic to everything but high quality solid gold jewelry. I cannot wear silver (and platinum is too $$$) so it is a pain because even small earrings cost a lot and I loose them alot.
4) The place where I pierced my cartilage is so ugly with no earring in. The hole looks kind of like a big blackhead so I ALWAYS have to keep an earring in it and it hurts like hell to sleep with it in but sometimes I forget and toss and turn all night with the **** thing.

I have complained so much about my earrings that my almost 11 yr dd swears she wants nothing to do with them EVER but I bet she will change her mind. She hates her curly hair and wanted it chemically straightened a couple years back but I said no. Now I am begging her to let me have it done for her because her hair is so hard to handle and she says no because she is afriad the chemicals will damage her hair. She did dye her hair bright red at a friend's house without my permission but we had never forbid it so I didnt punish her, I just let her know she needed to discuss it with me in the future. She just did a few streaks and it washed out in 8-10 washings but it shocked me a bit.

I do think people should be able to determine their own dress and style to a point. My TEN year old is already a bit goth - wears majority black and sort of an Avrile Lavigne skater look and I just bought her a black leather bracelet with spikes on it that she couldnt live without. I would never have expected a 10 year old child to want to dress like this but at least she isnt into skin bearing and a slutty look like so many of the girls clothes made today. She is more of a tomboy I guess. And I just mainly let her choose her own style etc.

But my problem like Barb says with piercings is the permanence of it and the fact that at 10 or 14 or whatever they really cant give the same kind of informed consent as they can when an adult. And I just worry that they might regret something done in their "testing the extremes" teenage phase but I guess at 18 they are still young and might make the same choices. I did have my cartilage done when off at boarding school at age 17 or so without permission but my mom never said a word.

It is really a tough one but as you said, the betrayal of trust is 90% of the problem here and I would address is as such. Make sure she KNOWS that there are other choices besides going behind your back. How you handle this could influence her in the future with things like drugs, boys, sneaking out etc.

I did the same thing...pierced the cartilage at the top of my ear myself. At school during study hall, no less. I had asked permission first and was denied it.

I think part of the reason I did it was that I was such a goody-goody in high school...never did anything "bad". I didn't even have a desire to do the typical naughty teen stuff. Didn't drink or smoke...did my homework...worked hard in school...came home on time. I wanted just a little something "cool". Just a little something that said *I* did this...a little autonomy.

My parents threw a fit when they found out. Major punishments. Then about a month later my mom decided it was cool and went and got her's pierced. :rolleyes:

I kept it for a few years and then decided it was me anymore. I took it out and the hole closed up.

And, for me, it never led to *bigger issues*. It wasn't a stepping stone to drugs or lying or anything. It wasn't about whether I was trustworthy. It was about a girl who always followed the rules and always did the right thing claiming a little bit of autonomy.

(((((Denise))))

Dealt with this exact issue with Sarah. I understand that it was something she really wanted, but to me getting it done by a pro after she has done this basically just tells a kid that if they want something bad enough they can enforce it by making a bad choice and then get what they want done properly after. Not okay in my book.

I would explain to her that she can ask for things like this properly, and that it will be considered fairly. I allowed Sarah a nose piercing she really wanted because her behavior had been so excellent for so long. She earned it by being responsible. Self expression is important, however going behing the back of a parent is a really crappy way of expressing respect, me thinks :juggle: Since she lied and disrespected you, I would point out that this behavior is telling you she was not willing to communicate in a mature manner, so you feel she is not ready for a properly done peircing right now. Give her a time frame of say 6 to 8 months and let her show you she can make better choices about honesty and communication. Then allow her to bring it up again (on her own!!).

And yes I would have her take it out and I would certainly not allow the sleepover to continue.

honestly? I would make her take it out.

The fact is, she went behind your back, lied to you, and chose not to follow the rules. You make bad choices, you deal with the consequences.

Yes, it is important to her...but I can remember doing things that my mom said no on...and it wasn't "that" important to me. It was a "all the kids are doing it" kind of important to me.
Still doens't make it right.

maybe after talking to her and explaining why you are upset with what she has done, you can then discuss if it is really that important to her, you can wait a certain amount of time and have it done professionally (if you are ok with her having it)
say...6 months from now if it is still that important to you-then we can do it with a pro. ... that makes sure that it is not just a current fad that she is going through.

I had my cartilage pierced on both of my ears. Claire's in the mall did it. It didn't hurt. But, boy, I got really *BAD* infections in both ears. They swelled up so badly, the doctor that I worked for had to use forcepts to remove the posts, which were embedded in my hugely swollen ears. They hurt so baldy, he had to use a numbing gel on it so that he could even get close to the site. A lot of gunk came out of both holes. I had to be put on antibiotics. If you decide to let her keep the holes, it is very important that she never touch the newly pierced area without handwashing first.

Wow. This is a toughy. I don't have teens yet, so I'm not sure how I'd handle it really. I can see both sides of the equation though, and agree with points made in just about every post, lol.

I too would wonder what was going on that this was so important. If it is truly out of character for her, I'd wonder what prompted the personality change. I'd also want to know ahead of time if this influence is likely to be around for awhile.

When I was a teen (9th grade) I was hanging out with this girl who lived near the school. Her brother was a druggie, her parents were not around and not active in her life, and she was heading for trouble. Of course, I didn't see it, I thought she was nice. When I started doing things like "missing" the bus so I could walk home to this girls house, my mom and dad decided this was looking like a possible landslide. Now that I'm older, I think they were probably right. If they had allowed her to continue to influence my decisions, when I'd previously been very trustworthy and a good kid, I don't know where I'd be. I know where that girl is, and it isn't pretty, lol.

I guess what I'm saying is that the piercing, while disturbing to you, might be just the beginning of a possible undesirable shift, and to avoid that you should try getting to the bottom of it. The piercing may prove to be only the beginning, and punishing for it would be like putting a band aid on a gunshot wound, kwim? It wouldn't really address the underlying issue.

As for the piercing itself, I'd probably make her take it out, let it heal (a trip to a professional/doctor to prevent infections would be included in that), then agree to let her have it for real in a certain amount of time, or after a certain goal is met. Maybe she needs to pay for it herself? Something like that. If it's not an issue of HAVING the piercing, then I'd let her have one, with the agreement that future disagreements on such matters are to be hashed out BEFORE drastic measures. She's still learning about choices and consequences, and if there was outside influences at work that she'd never had to deal with before, then I'd be more leanient and understanding. I'd still be upset, and let her know, but I'd be less upset than if she had tried smoking or something like that, kwim?

Oh, I'd be concerned about what she used to hold the place. If you decide to let her keep it, I'd be making sure she's using a high quality surgical steel stud or ring rather than a cheapie earring from the store in the mall, kwim?

I guess I must be very laid back because my 14 year old did this when she was 13 and I didn't really bother me. Actually to be more accurate she had one of her friends do it for her. She did it simply because she wanted it, she thought it looked nice. She didn't have my permission, she didn't even ask - just did it. She knew DH for sure wouldn't mind (my DH has three ear piercings, one done in India many, many moons ago and too more added about three years ago and he is no spring chicken).

I let it go, my opinion was it's her body and I will let her pierce it within reason, and I don't honestly think an upper ear piercing is that big of a deal. If it became infected then she would have had to live with the consequences. FWIW, she had her ears pierced when she was five in Hong Kong by a Filipina amah who did it the "traditional" way with a needle and the holes were kept open with cotton thread until they were ready to take earrings. They never got infected.

She has since, with mine and DH's permission, had her nose pierced, but this was discussed over time and I went with her to have it done.

I realize your DD went against your wishes and lied to you about it. But in the grand scheme of things is piercing her ear really that big of a deal? Teenagers are teenagers and she is going to be testing her limits. I am not advocating giving her a completely free reign here, but you need to tread carefully because there is far worse stuff she could be getting into not long down the road. Piercing her ear has not been the slippery slope for my DD; she does have friends who smoke, drink and do pot. She chooses not to.

Lindy and Deborah, and others, you are right. I feel 50% that yes, it's true...it is her body, and ear piercing is pretty minor. It's her body and I'd say no to things severe, like feeling the want to enlarge ones breasts as a teen to "fit in"...that is obviously far more permanent and risky. Ear piercing in the grand scheme is not.

But it is more risky and permanent over, say, the hair dying. LOL. Kwim? I have always said I wanted my kids to have some freedoms, and that as long as they were not drinking, doing drugs, etc., that hair dying or ear piercing (I was at the time referring to regular ear piercing, not cartilage piercing) were forms of expression...and something I'd allow. I have always felt with responsibility, like good grades, good choices, etc. should come the right to make certain choices...and that includes ones like this. But within reason. LOL. Double pierced ears, ok. Hair dye, ok. Belly buttons, cartilages, etc?? I was thinking 14 was too young...maybe more like 15 or 16. And she knew this, that I'd possibly consider allowing it later on.

I guess like you said, Lindy, she wanted it and now. I can understand that. But I really wish she had come to me and said so. And that yes, if I still said no, that she would have respected my wishes and rules. Sigh...

For reference too, it was not a party she was at last night. Just a sleepover at her best friends house, just her and her friend. Her friend is a very straight laced girl, moreso over even my daughter. I know it was not pressure from friends....on this. Her friends are also not allowed to do things like this. *But* there are some girls she is superficially (as in "Hi!" and chatting in class but nothing more) friends with who are doing things like this. She doesn't hang out with them though, and yes, a few of them do lie to their parents and sneak and meet boys at the park, etc. Chelsie has always rolled her eyes and talked down about doing things like that. She is also always where I know, no amount of her time goes unaccounted for....so she isn't hanging out with naughty kids w/o me knowing. Though I hear you Gwen, I was like you were. I think it's why I AM so clued in, and careful. I can't be scammed with some of the "Yes Mom, I am going to be at the park with just Lindsay, ok?" stories, without checking up, making sure, putting more than just 2 and 2 together, etc. I know all the scams, lies and sneakiness. LOL. I perfected them all myself.

I feel lucky she is not like I was. Or that I know truly that she isn't, as of now, feeling pressure to do drugs, or hanging out with kids who do. She just isn't into that, and I am thankful. She has never done something like this before, the ear piercing, and I can't swear she is not headed on a downward path, she may be...but you better believe I won't allow it. I am clued in and pretty smart being a past liar and scammer myself as a teen. LOL.

But then again, I let her be alone in her room for hours Sat. am and look what she did! ;pop: I suppose it could be worse....

I still have not decided what to do. She is still with her friend. Her friends Mom is a single Mom, and very, very compassionate and well minded. She took the girls hiking today, and I feel it will be good for Chelsie. To go, to think about what she did, get her energy out, etc. If it was some party or something without benefit in this situation, I'd have gone to get her last night or at very minimum this am.

I also did not want to over-react, and needed time to think and settle down myself. LOL. And I still don't know what to do! LOL. Part of me wants to take it out and not allow it at all, ever...period. Just FOR lying and disobeying. But part of me thinks that's being unfair and doing it just to prove a point....and too much of one maybe. A power struggle is not what I want. Not about something I do admit is pretty minor. Drugs, drinking...ok, I am willing and wanting to battle. But ear piercing? I don't know. Sigh. I was on the fence about it, wanting simply to wait longer and for her to be older and think more...

Not wanting to enforce that it's ok to disobey and see, you do still get to keep it in is something I want to avoid. I also want to avoid a power struggle over something that doesn't need to be. But then I guess I should have said yes to begin with? Yes, and no. I did truly want more time for her to consider it, get older, etc.

Parenting can be so hard.... :juggle:

Parenting can be so hard.... :juggle:

:big hug:

That's for sure!

Truthfully, its not a big deal. But thats my opinion. It is easier to do and then ask for forgivness then to ask and be told no.