Each boy is allowed to pick out a toy to sleep with every night. It has never been a problem before, and they are usually quick to fall asleep, so I have never worried about it.

Tonight, DS1 picked out his toy and DS2 immediately decided that he wanted that toy. I told him that his brother had picked that toy and he could pick something else or have nothing. I then left the room. 10 minutes later, DS2 is still crying about the toy. I went into the room, picked him up and carried him into the bathroom and shut the door to talk (we always seem to have these talks in the bathroom, they can't escape me and there isn't much to distract them, LOL).

I told DS2 that he couldn't have that toy tonight and that maybe he could ask his brother if he could sleep with it tomorrow night instead. He told me he was just going to cry until his brother gave him the toy (he is 4 and yes, he actually said that). Anyway, I basically said that no he was not going to do that, and that we were going to sit in the bathroom until he understood that he simply was not getting that toy tonight. He finally calmed down, and we went back into the bedroom to find that DS1 had put the toy on DS2's pillow.

I told DS1 he didn't have to give DS2 the toy, DS1 said that he just wanted to be nice. :confused:

What would you have done then?

I would have told DS1 how proud I was of him for the way he loved his brother, remarked on what a sweet thing it was and left it at that.

Mine do things like that now and then. The decide that the relationship with their sibling is more important than a material posession. It is a wonderful thing.

I'm sure that sometime tomorrow - ds2 will have an opportunity to demonstrate his love for his brother in some way. Keep it up and they might never bicker again - yeah right :).

Anyway - just enjoy the selflessness of your ds1 for tonight :)

This sort of stuff happens in our house, and I am always amazed at the generosity of my kids. First, pat yourself on the back, because they must see you being generous often enough to be able to do it. Second, I would have told DS1 thank you on behalf of his brother. Then, I would have left the room and had a good cry because that is about the sweetest thing I have heard today.

You had already made it clear to DS2 what he needed to know, so why undo this good deed?

pretty much the same thing :big hug:

except--- i never tell my children to stop crying- not sure if you did or not- i would have just kept him out of the room if i needed to get his attention or let brother fall asleep....and if the giver son was happy about giving his brother the toy i would have just acknowledged his kindness, espcially since he 'knew' he didn't have to give it up--he choose to.

sounds very much like my 5yo and 3yo. the younger jsut isn't as attached to things like the older is.

i think it was sweet :happy:

I guess I should have said that I did thank DS1 and left the room and left it at that. My concern is that DS2 will learn that if he pitches a big enough fit, DS1 will usually give in. DS2 is definitely the more stubborn of the two, and DS1 doesn't like conflict. I am definitely proud of DS1, I am just not sure if DS2 got an appropriate message from the whole experience, yk?

eta: I didn't tell him to stop crying, I simply told him we were going to sit in the bathroom until he did. I always try to take the emotional content of the situation into consideration. If the tears are a result of being hurt either physically or emotionally, then they are welcome to cry. If it has moved beyond that into manipulation as it did tonight, then they are welcome to continue, but they are not allowed to impose on other family members.

Um, well, I have this secret fear that DD will grow up to be a very manipulative person, because DS is so unconcerned with things and much more interested in just playing. So, she can usually pitch a fit, and he will usually give in, or even tell me or DH to give in. It's kind of funny, but not, so I get where you're coming from on that. BUT, here's the thing, DD is learning from DS, and I swear things that might not have be inherent in her makeup are slowly coming out. She is more generous with DS than with anyone else in the world, and I think it's because that's how he treats her. And really, isn't that enough for such little kids? I hope they develop beyond just a golden rule type of thing, but I sure don't expect it for a few years. In the mean time, I try to stay out of their negotiations, although I pay close attention. I also observe DS just choosing his battles, which also seems like a valuable thing. And, I certainly cannot tell him which ones are worth taking on and which ones to let be. JMo

We have a saying in our house "people are more important than things"

Now that being said sometimes if my midddle dd cries her big sister will give whatever it is up but not always. I think your older son either knows or will figure out what is important and worth fighting(not literally) for and what's not.