AND HE DID.

He is selling... as soon as possible. And the letter was so cold I may as well not have been anyone he knew at all. He said things like "We need to have the house ready to show with out anyone in it and therefor you will have to find somewhere to live in the very near future" and "I know that finding new schools may be hard and that it may be inconvient to find a school before the end of the school year, but all signs point to the intrest rates going up and so this is the best time to sell the house, and after all... that is the nature of renting." AND "Oh by the way, you said the dishwasher was yours, but of course it is not. I was the one that said it was ok to buy that with the estate money and I have the respit and there for it stays with the house. The things that ARE yours are the clothes washer and dryer."

No $h*t huh? We bought them two YEARS before we moved here. Thanks for letting me know d*ck.

Can you F*&*^ing belive this guy?? He is talking about HIS DAUGHTER and her CHILDREN.

I can't stop crying.

{{{hugs}}} I'm so sorry Val. :(

I'm sorry Val. I can't believe you have to go through all this. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here :big hug:

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

I can understand his points, about the interest rates, needing to sell, etc. But it really sucks that he is/was so cold about HOW he is telling you. Or how he didn't tell you, until you asked. )o:

I am sorry. I don't know why family can't be decent to one another. I really don't. I ask myself the same question daily....:(

I am so sorry!

You know I read it as me... and then I read it as someone who lived in the house and had this a$$hole for a landlord. And he is just souless and cold. Taking no one but himself into consideration. It is not as if he was saying things JUST to hurt me. That was not what he was doing. But there is nothing that is going to stand between him and his money. I guess I can understand that. But I have so much more integrity than that it is SO hard for me to understand how he can do this to his only child. I am such a better parent that things like this do not come into my mind about my children at all... I have so much more life and love and beauty in my life that he doesn't see and doesn't know and frankly doesn't care. And maybe that is valid... maybe he is just a childless a$$ who only cares about himself... and if you can think about that in a POSITIVE light, he may have his own rewards in his life. I just don't see them, as he does not see any of my life.

The thing is, he is reacting towards me on what my MOTHER did to him and HIS life. Not me, my life, or ANYTHING I have done. So it is hard for me to understand. And if just plain f^*(ing hurts. I am not so self centric or self centered. I do not look at life and other people like this, and therefor it is really hard to wrap my head around.

He didn't even mention my birthday (which was last week). Didn't send me a card or write anything else about that. I think that severing hurt more than anything else... even just last year he sent me something. A card or something... Just last year we sat and talked all afternoon in a coffee shop. "Don't worry honey, you are not my last priority."

I honestly don't beleive that anymore. I am the last priority... because I am nothing to him. I get the courtesy of a bad renter.

Love Val

:(

:( :hug: I am so sorry, Val. That is awful. What an a$$hole.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Val}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


I am so sorry, mama!!! I would have NEVER guessed that letter came from your father! Shame on him!!!!! Can't even sacrafice a flippin dishwasher for booting you mid-school yr???

GRRRRR!!! :mad: He will get his!!!!!

Val, I'm sorry mama.

:big hug:

Hugs to you Val. I'm sorry that you are going through this and with a "family" member.

love and blessings
angie

I would Definately check the rental laws, i think he has to give you a certain amount of time to move. Doesn't he ? Do you have a lease or rental agreement if it still has time on it he shouldn't be able to just kick you out?

*HUGS*
Your dad sounds like my grandfathers brothers and sisters and the rest of the family they have all worried about the bottom line in $.

Somehow as women we seek approval from our fathers our whole lives. Being able to step back, as you did, and realize it's just not gonna come is probably the wisest, most Goddess-like thing you could have done. You are worth so much more than what this man has to offer you. Your children are so blessed to have you! And somehow, drawing on your strength, you will all survive this and thrive on the other side.

I send you all my love and prayers.

Kerri

Thanks guys... He does have to give me notice. 20 days. And he doesn't know it, but he just did. I don't need anything "offical"... I want to get out before he has control again. That way I can choose where I go, when and with how much control I need. I will need to write the letter before March 10th. So he can get it and I am giving him notice 'on time'. I want to do it as close to leagal without giving up my power or confort as possible. The only thing I am doing that is contrary is I will not give that man another penny of my money. We paid this months rent in full... next month can come out of the deposit, and whatever is left he can bill me for and I can send him payments w/in MY budget. If that is $15 a month I don't care, but he will have no more power over me... he will not make this move harder than it already is.

Kerri... thank you. I did step back a bit and I feel good about knowing that I am doing this closure for me, and not for him. Because frankly he doesn't give a good god dam... and I have to accept that. I am going to take care of me and mine now. Just as he is doing (it does still hurt that I am not included in that though)... the hurt is real. I drove by the house we are looking at tonight and it is terribly small... scary small actually. All of this is painful and a little frightening.

But this too shall pass. It will... and in a year I will think back and know that I did the best I could with what I have to work with. And perhaps at that point we will have a bit more in the way of money to work with and be able to get a house with a garden, a yard, AND bedrooms for all of us. lol...

I am thinking about making him a scrap book. He and I both LOVE music... and I would fill it with pictures of our lives together, and a few pictures of me and the kids. (Sort of a goodbye gift as it were) Then at the back I would make a cd of songs that reminds me of him. Ones we loved together like Dire Straits, Micheal Bolten, Eric Clapton, and a few songs that remind me of my feelings, like "All of Me" by Evanessence. One line stands out particularly in my memory:

"You used to captivate me,
by your resinating light.
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

Your face, it haunts,
my once pleasent dreams,
your voice, it fades away
with all the sanity in me.

These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
theres just so much that time can not erase."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cleansing is the next step. Hurting, mourning, and cleansing.

**How do you spell clense?? Is that right? I am just terrible at spelling right now... terrible. Just shows how ripped up I feel that I can't even tell if a word is spelled right. That and I have not been sleeping.**

Anyway... I am starting that... first in my head, and then in my house. I am on here far too much, but I feel I need to get all of these emotions out so I can write this letter and not be bitter and mean. That is important. That is the part of my mom that Frank always hated, and so me coming in with bitterness and insensitivity will just prove that he was right to get me out of his life... but if I come in with compassion, tolerance, and thanks, along with strength and power in fighting for the rights of my family... well it may just get through. Even if it does, I don't ever want to know. He is dead to me.
I just hope that he may see a glimmer of what he is missing by pushing me out of his life. But it would be better karma if he doesn't... I wish him no pain... just eventual understanding.

That and of course staying the f*^% away from me.

Love Val

Cyan went on a rampage through the kitchen while I was gardening yesterday, and I came in to find water in the sugar from the fountain and my peg board all screwed up. After the inital reaction of "What the HELL are you doing!?!" I looked at the things that she tore down and realised that two out of the three were cards from Frank. One from last year, and one from the year before. Frank AND Terry wrote in my 25th birthday card and sent me a little book on quilting. Frank wrote in last years card, and this year I get an eviction notice instead. I understand what he is doing, and I am trying so hard to find compassion and release.... but F*^#! This sucks!

We looked at that house... that is another source of panic. The 800 sq ft was pushing it... this house is TEENY. There is a living room the size of our bedroom, a literally hallway gally kitchen in which the stove is pinned between the wall and the fridge (NOT good cooking conditions.... I would be surprised if it was workable cooking conditions.), the bedrooms were livable, and we could totally make them work. But the rest of the house scared me to death. Just standing there, I was in panic mode, thinking "How am I going to do this??" The yard was it's saving grace. Big yard, fenced, with a garden spot twice the size of mine now. I could just spend the rest of the year outside there. It has a rosemary plant that is already blooming, and beds that just need to be turned. Along the fence on one side is a tree that touches the ground. A perfect fairy playground for the children. If the house that went along could not be compared to a refridgerator box. We could make it work if we had to... but hell. That is some tight living quarters. When Heather and I were talking about it, I saw possibility. As the night wore on, I started having small panic attacks, where my stomach would clench up and I would have to concentrate on my breathing just to breathe. I felt like I was going to pass out at times. This is all too much. There is not enough room, not enough income, not enough time... and it has to happen anyway. I am terrified.

Don said we need to look at other options. He is upset because in a living room that small (with no dining room and no place for a table in the kitchen like at all...) the computer and tv will have to be in our room. He is freaking out because he won't be able to play xbox on his nights off, and the kids won't be able to watch a movie while I sleep on Sat mornings. I freaked out... I know his $h*t is valid, but I am worried about staying in Alex's school district and freaking out that the space will barely be livable... he is worried about weather or not he gets to kill things in tv space on his nights off. Oooooooooo... he urks me sometimes. It's about time to grow up. There are more important things.... like your wifes F-ing sanity.

That is this morning. Later today I may see millions of possibilities for how it could work... but this morning.... there is no doubt that my heart is breaking.

Love Val

Oh and we have to get rid of the dog... I knew that was coming. Most likely with Don just a hairs breadth away from getting into the acadamy and being gone for 6 months... well it is probobly for the better that we pair down things and animals so I can do it on my own. But dam...:wah:

Mama,
I'm so sorry.

*hugs*

I know it might seem terrible now... but it gets better. We lived with 3 girls in a 70ft single wide trailor. It worked out okay, the big yard DEFINATLY makes up for the smallness inside. In the summer you can always have a table outside for meals.

Also making things movable or changable is GREAT in small spots. The Futon is a great idea!! Also a card table, and maybe a few folding chairs which can be stored behind the futon. Oh and don't forget look for storage space under things like the futon, bunk beds, and your bed. High shelves can also be used for storage, we put up a High shelf above the washer and dryer for kitchen appliances that would not fit anywhere else, like the mixer and steamer. That was the only real problem we had no storage space, for things like comforters.

Also in that same space we had a 120lb dog, 2 cats, 3 bunnies, and a bird, all of which were inside. Sampson, our dog, he wanted inside all the time.

They always say that love grows in small houses. In reality being in a tight space you have to learn to think of others too. Like closing the refridgerator door so someone can get by, instead of sitting there with it standing wide open just looking and looking in there.

Smaller houses look dirtier quicker so picking things up after you are done really becomes a priority, or in 5 minutes with 5 people putting things down in the living room it can look like a hurricane hit.

Tell your hubby that there are things that are more important then his Xbox in this world, of course Kevin is the same way about his computer.*rme* I think as men get older the toys just get bigger, i am really starting to believe that!!

Sweetie, oh, I hear you. It's going to be a huge adjustment.

I think the circumstances under which you're doing it make it even harder.

We went from a small 900 sf bungalow (but with huge basement) in Oly to a 250 sf cabin in Fairbanks. Of course it was just me and Katie and Matt. But I mean, a 250 sf cabin is just a bed, a table, chairs, a couch, and the counter along the wall, the fridge and the stove. It's a 10 by 25 room. We had a laptop on the table and when I wanted to sew I cleared the table and put the sewing machine there. When we ate I cleared the sewing machine off. Etc.

I picked up often. We had few things but we did enjoy our summer there.

After that we moved to 600 sf. It felt spacious. It was well laid out, with a main 20x20 room and two 10x10 bedrooms. One was our family bedroom - all bed, a king sized futon on the floor. The other was my sewing room. The main room had a couch, the computer desk, the table and chairs, and the kitchen counter and appliances along one wall. Storage was underneath the kitchen counter on a big open shelf.

I guess I want to say, you CAN do it, even in that tight a space. The big yard sounds divine. I just want to inspire you...as much as this hurts right now, I can see that already you are turning into something positive. And I think you need to allow yourself to hurt, to grieve, to be really really pissed off. You ought to be. I don't want to take that away and seem like I'm saying "oh it'll be fine." I just want to inspire you...you are so creative and resourceful, I know you can make that space work. Not just work, but breathe and hum with energy and life.

I'd look at how you could fit the tv/computer in the living room. Somehow, maybe? Maybe a flat-screen monitor/tv? Anyway. I'm sure you can figure out something workable.

And I know I suck, armchair downsizing from a very luxurious 1900 sf house...but we are looking at doing the same thing, just on purpose.