Why is it everyone always likes to speak of the SAD things that happen in twin pregnancies.
Okay, I have had it. When I was pregnant with each of my singletons, all I heard were happy stories of pregnancy. I notice as soon as people hear I am having twins, they come up with horror stories about twin pregnancies. These are some of the comments I have had so far.

"My sister-in-law was pregnant with twins but lost them at 21 weeks."

"I was carrying twins, but, lost one, my girl at 18 weeks".
(I have heard many stories concerning loss of one twin.)

"I had a friend who bled to death after delivering her twins".

And while sitting in the Dr's office my last visit 2 ladies sat there rambling on and on and on about awful losses of a twin/both twins from people they knew.....

I mean, this is just the start. Sometimes, particularly when it is gossip ( a friend of a friend stuff) I just want to smack sense into these people. I can kinda understand some grieving and just wanting to talk about it (the mothers whom lost a twin/twins) but, gosh, it is really scary hearing all this stuff. I just don't understand, this NEVER happened when I was carrying one baby. I am afraid enough these 2 will be way too early because of my pre-term history.

Maybe my hormones are serging, I don't know, but, it seems like people just do not THINK when they talk. Do I need to say something politely, like "I am sorry, you know I am carrying twins, and this is just not what I need to hear", or do I ignore them? I am just wondering, am I the only Mom who has went through this with twins?

i didn't usually tell strangers i was having twins. i thought people would think i was lying unless i had a sono pic.

Alot of the time they are customers in my store, that's when I know just to ignore it. Sometimes it has been my children's friends parents. The 2 ladies at my Dr. appt. heard my son talking to me about it and were just being nosey. Awe, now see, I pretty much always say it's twins when they ask when I am due. Makes me feel less self conscious about my belly. I suppose I could stop throwing that tid-bit out there.

I didn't know that many people at the time to hear a lot of that. It *is* a fact of life that every pregnancy is a gift and some don't get to complete. When you have two babies sharing the same space, risks go up. Period. And, it's a double whammy of loss when a mother loses two babies -- so people remember those events.

I don't imagine people understand that you are at a point where you need reassurance. They're just babbling. They're just trying to relate to your situation in the only way they know how. In their eyes, I imagine, they don't think you'd internalize their story because, after all, there you are the picture of twin-pregnancy health.

So. Here are some happy twin pregnancy stories for you:

I lost five pregnancies in a row before conceiving the twins. Those pregnancies included a son delivered at 18 weeks due to cervical incompetence and a blighted ovum and three ectopics that resulted in the removal of the left fallopian tube.

Then I conceived the twins. I carried them to 34 weeks, 2 days in spite of having NO cervical strength (Shirodkar cerclage), 17 weeks of bedrest (7 in the hospital) and Twin-to-twin transfusion (don't google it!). It was a high-risk roller coaster and it resulted in two enormous, healthy baby boys who are, if I say so myself, pretty good looking as well as typically brilliant :D I suck at pregnancy and as my perinatologist said at one point, "Jeez-louise -- if there are odds to be laid you ALWAYS end up on the least likely side of it." but I have healthy identical twin boys (who don't seem that identical to me anymore) and it's the end result that matters.

A friend of mine delivered her twin girls at 30 weeks. She makes particularly small members of the human race and these babies were teeny tiny and today they are a whole lot of adorable walking around. They're two now. They were unplanned and initially there was a great deal of fear about having them since one of their older children requires a great deal of time and medical resources and educational resources, etc, etc. Yet these two little miracles fit seamlessly into their family and brought about changes that resulted in more happiness for them all.

The couple who lived across the street from us in Minnesota were in their early eighties when we first met them. We didn't have the twins yet at that point. She told me about how it was 1940 and her husband was overseas in the war and she didn't know she was carrying tiwns until she delivered them. They were the first twins to be delivered and live longer than a day in that town. In 1940 if you didn't carry your twins full term then they often didn't make it. These twins were delivered at 40 weeks and they did just beautifully. She was living with her mother and her brother while her husband was overseas and they helped her raise the boy and girl. Her husband met his own children for the first time shortly before they turned two.

Then there's Aria who carried her girl/boy twins full term and I think Danica carried her twins full term -- the average length of a twin pregnancy is 36 weeks but that means that MORE than half the twin pregnancies run past that date (since in order for 36 weeks to be average, there have to be many more past 36 weeks or the very early deliveries would skew the average).

So let the comments of others roll off your back. They don't know. They don't know how worried you are and they just won't know unless they're ever in your shoes. They. Have. No. Clue.

I could go on, but it's not my bandwidth, so I hope something up there is helpful. You need to develop a thick skin and just know that they don't mean to hurt you -- they really do see in you No Reason to Worry and they're just babbling to make conversation. Smile and change the subject so that you're talking about something other than your pregnancy.

My best friend actually has identical twin girls (almost 10 now) that she carried 3 days past her due date!

I think maybe I am just more sensitive because I am more worried this time????? I always worried how my body could carry twins and here I am facing one of my biggest fears. I have a weak uterus and an incompetent cervix both, plus, now I am in that over 35 age group as well. Maybe I am just more sensitive??????

I do notice that I hear more of the sad stories with twin pregnancies, not the good ones, so, it was nice to hear a few more great stories from you! THANK YOU Mama for cheering me up!

nope - I heard lots of "I know woman that had 2 8 lbs twins" - but then we found out there might be a problem with one of the babies the same time we found out there were twins - so maybe people were just trying to be encouraging. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that. I think I would just cut them off and say that "Please only tell me that story if the outcome is positive". My story did have a happy ending too - as you can see my girls are both happy and healthy.

You have a HUGE point there.

Years ago twins seemed so uncommon (yes, I know infertility drugs have upped the twin+ rate) BUT, on the even better side, LOOK how often you actually see sets of twins now, and healthy ones at that, compared to even 20 years ago! Babies, even singleton preemie babies have much higher survival rates due to modern medicine now!

I think I need to focus on that, and find a gentle way to remind them & maybe even myself "Twin Mams could really use hearing words of comfort, not sadness". I am fully aware of the greater risks we are under, I just really need to hear POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!!!

Yes, AND don't be afraid to ask for a perinatologist. If you have a history of cervical incompetence -- get an opinion about a cerclage. I *LOVED* my cerclage. It made 34 weeks possible. I know that there isn't 100% agreement about their effectiveness (or about the effectiveness of bedrest) -- but talk to someone. You're still before the date that someone would get a McDonald cerclage placed. Let someone (with more medical knowledge than me) discuss why the stitches would or would not be right for you and your circumstances.

Did I mention how much I loved the peace of mind that the cerclage brought to me? I didn't have any more uterine irritability than I had with Max. It followed the exact same patterns (lots around mid-pregnancy, tapering off after my belly started measuring 30 weeks -- we just hit that measurement a lot earlier with the twins).

I do see a perinatologist in St. Louis (go again to him Monday). I had a cerclage with my 4th, but, due to my weak uterus it tore my cerclage stitches when Kaitlyn weighed about 1 1/2 pounds. With each pregnancy when the baby weighed about 1.8 lbs they dropped. The good news is, these 2 weigh more than that together now, and no pre term. My body also had almost 5 years to recover after the last baby, so, I am hopeful I won't see the same problems.

With # 5 I was on bed rest from 22 weeks on, dialated to 2cm around 22 weeks and dialated to 4 cm and lost my plug around 24 weeks. The great news was I made it almost to my due date. Dr.s did not think I would even make 30 weeks!

My cervix is already softening, but, not dialated. I get braxton hicks already, but again they are not making me dialate. I am looking foreward to the best!

I am so sorry that people want to tell you the awful outcomes from twin pregnancies. I'll just add my two cents. I work in a NICU and have sent LOADS of twins home happy and healthy. I love caring for twins and to see them do well. Don't let the stories worry you. this is your pregnancy and it will go it's way. good luck and good wishes to you. Sarah