do dc regress when they turn 9 or what? Brooke has always been a really good child, responsible (age appropriately), mature, helpful, loving, kind, considerate, you get the idea.

lately she is worse than my 4 yr old. i just saw her school desk has a picture of a face engraved into it. I'm so ticked. I want to take all her pencils away, but she needs them for school. I'm not sure what to do about it right now. This is the 2nd time she has engraved something into my furniture. The last time it was the kitchen table where she was doing school. We had a big talk about it and how she was disrespecting my furniture, etc. Usually talking to her does the trick, guess not this time.


Last night I found a stuffed animal on top of my hallogen lamp. I walked into the living room and could smell something. Looked up and there it was. Asked about it and she said she put it there so Taylor couldnt get it. I thought I was going to flip. The fur was partially melted and one spot was dark brown, it wouldnt have been long before there had been a fire. I asked why she thought that was a good idea, she didnt know. There are plenty of places to put something to keep it out of Taylors reach, top of my desk, top of tv, fireplace mantel, top of curio cabinet, etc. and we use those places all the time when we need to have something put up. She knows where to put stuff.

I'm just not sure what to do right now. I'm ticked beyond belief. I told her it wasnt acceptable and walked away til I had time to think and calm down some. ARGH!!!

advice would be appreciated.

I'm sorry! :hug:

I've been wondering the same thing. TBH, my 9yo was much better behaved at 4 years old! It makes it really hard some days because he KNOWS better. He fights a lot with his 2 year old brother. Drives me batty.

I'm interested in hearing what others say about this age--I'm not doing very well with it. :rolleyes: :o

I have a 10 year old and he has been driving me nuts for about 2 years...as in "where did my sweet, helpful wonderful child go?" So, Dh and I have been brainstorming about this and we realized that we have helped in this problem. While 9 and 10 year olds are older and therefore able to hold more responsibility, they are still YOUNG children who act before they think and don't consider consequences...sometimes acting like there are none. For instance, your dd putting the bear on the halogen lamp...she was just trying to get it up and away. She may not have understood the fire danger. Yes, you may have told her many times before, and yes she may know that the lamp gets hot, but she may not have put two and two together to think "this bear will melt if I put it there, better choose somewhere else."

For a while DH and I thought that DS was doing things like this...also carving faces, etc into the tables/desks, to bug us or get negative attention until we realized he was doing it because of the instant gratification of it all...do now think later approach to life. So, now when he does things like this we have figured out a way to talk through it to teach him the concept of "think before you act"...apparently something learned rather than innate...LOL. So, for the bear incident we would have said "This is not the best place to put the bear. This is a fire hazard. Do you understand what 'fire hazard' means?" Then explain it if they don't. Then we would say " Do you think a different place would have been better? What kinds of places should we put things to keep out of the reach?" Talk about other kinds of places that are dangerous to put things such as shelves that can be climbed, etc. Then ask "Do you understand fully why this wasn't a good idea, explain" and expect a full explanation as to why it wasn't good. This has helped so much in his training. We forgot that our job is to train them in all these things rather than just expect it of them. And training them unfortunately means repeating oneself multiple times as 9/10 year olds are notoriously forgetful...UGH:rolleyes: I have no idea if this approach would work for you, but it did for us!

The light thing sounds age appropriate. Unless she admitted to wanting to ruin it, or see if it would burn, I am thinking she quickly moved the toy, and set it there w/o thinking. My kids do stuff like that all the time. They are kids, it's hard to think about "why this is a bad idea", etc. all the time. Of course the carving is a different issue, that was more "on purpose"....

But the light thing is something I'd almost expect from a 9 year old, and would try to remember she is just a kid. I'd firmly tell her why that was a bad idea, and what could have happened from it though. But I'd not be too hard on her at all. It sounds like an accident imo.

The lamp thing sounds like normal childish "non thinking" to me, honestly. I could definitely see myself doing that at 9 or 10 or maybe even older, without even thinking about it.

As for the face/name engraving, though she obviously needs to stop doing it, that sounds age-appropriate as well.

Nine, ten, eleven, those are tough ages! I remember waiting and waiting to be a "preteen" and then a "teen" and doing stupid things like that. Then I saw it again in my SIL when she was going through those ages.

Now the trick for me is remembering all of this when I actually have a child that age!

Mihcelle

Thank you for posting this! I've been struggling with my 9yo ds also.

Always the one picking fights and then turning it all around like he had nothing to do with it. He thinks I pick on him and he's the one always in trouble. I'm having a hard time handling how disrespectful he is getting. I don't want it to get worse but what can I do other than tell him its hurting my feeling or take away privlidges? He doesn't care! He feels that the world is against him. School work is hard for him too. He's a great student but just dosen't want to do anything but read or play computer.

I have seen glimmer of improvement when I have taken time 2-3 times a day to sit down with him, hold him, talk to him, and thank him for whatever he's done good that day. I praise him for any act of kindness I see him doing.

Its so hard. He wants to be older but is acting so much younger. Glad to know we aren't the only ones.

My 9 yr old still throws tantrums... doesn't listen to a thing we say, etc...

what a ride it has been! I'm really hoping ds doesn't do the same.

my 8 YO is going through the same thing. she is harder to deal with at the store than my two little ones combined. she will pester and pester for things, which she never gets, and then she will start acting like she is the mom. like she is stuck between being a kid and an adult. i swear she gets in more trouble now than she ever did and i am worried about our relationship suffering.
i am glad to hear that it isn't just me,and i will be checking back to see what others say.
heather

thank you all! I'm sorry you are having issues as well, but so relieved that its not just here. It really helps to put it into perspective that its typical behavior for the age. I did take some time today to talk to her about why those werent good ideas and what would be better ideas. I know that sometimes i find myself expecting too much from her because she is the oldest and i try to catch it and correct it. Its good to hear what others are going through w/ the same age children.