My 3yo DD, Delaney, had a tempter tantrum the likes of which I have never seen before...and I think she may have broken her daddy's heart. (background: when Delaney was 13 months old, we moved to a town 2 hrs away..My dh stayed in that town and worked and went to grad school, stayed with my parents, came home on weekends. ) He just came home for good (with a job and everything, halleluia!) in June, when she turned 3.

She actually went over to our neighbor's for about 15 minutes after school yesterday (a homeschooling mom, right next door, four daughters) They watched Baby Einstein and Delaney came home. On the deck, matt opened the door to let her in and she screamed that she wanted me. I went to the window and called down to her that I would come down when she was calm. She literally screamed sporatically for ten minutes until I could take it no longer and came down to bring her in. Sat her down to have a talk - she hurt daddy's feelings, etc. In the process of the conversation, she said she didn't like daddy, didn't like riding her bike with him, wanted to open the piece of mail she received, said sorry just so she could open the mail, on and on and on. This went on for about an hour, then she fell asleep on my lap at about 6. (She goes to an all day Montessori school and is very tired when she comes home) She woke up for about an hour and a half and probably cried and screamed for another 20 minutes until I turned Sesame Street on. She wouldn't talk to me, she just cried and stared at the tv intermittently. Finally, she fell asleep. She was absolutely exhausted but I don't think it excuses how she acted. She did not get to open the frigging package, and Matt is absolutely crushed. Is this completely abnormal? Expected due to our unusual circumstances or what? Any words to cheer him up or any advice for us? She He wants more than just "I'm sorry, Daddy" because she's said that before, but I don't know how much we can truly expect from her. How much of this does she understand, anyway?

What do I do, and what was wrong with her? She's NEVER acted like that before.

Thanks for any advice...

Sounds like she was just tired. After school and playing next door with the older girls she was worn out. All day school is a lot to expect of a 3yo.

at 3yo she doesn't know how to say "I"m tired". Even adults get cranky when we are tired. Daddy should just forget the incident happened.

Hopefully she is feeling better today.

If it continues to wear her out I would consider holding off on the school for a while. This is comming from a homeschooling mom who's kids play most of the day. ;)

Sounds to me (as the mommy of a 3 year old girl) like she had meltdown due to exaustion.

My daughter couldn't handle all day school. No way.

ummm... sounds typical.

This was yesterday's scene with Lauren. I got out some puzzles and quiet toys for Adam and Lauren to play wiht while Austin read to me on the couch (as in not even 2 ft away). She comes to me and whines that she needs a kleenex. Ok, the box is on the kitchen counter where she can reach it. Refuses to get it. I am listening to Austin read... so Nathan just goes and gets her a kleenex. She wouldn't take it from him. She ended up having a complete and total meltdown for about 0 minutes. I held her - but that didn't help. I put her down, she was kicking everyone and screaming/crying. So I took her up to her bedroom and let her work it out up there. All over me not being the one who got the kleenex.

This is happening a lot with her lately. I don't remember my boys doing this, but she hsa definite people she wants to help her do certain things, and if someone else helps, it's the end of the world.

This too shall pass...

PS - usually Lauren wants Daddy to help her and not me, and has told her Daddy that she doesn't like Mommy, she likes Daddy.

uh oh, here she comes... here we go again over something else... sigh...

{{{ Chantelle }}}

What a frustrating experience...for all of you! :( I'm sorry, mama.

But really, it sounds like age-appropriate behavior when a child is exhausted. It also sounds like she is still getting used to your husband being in your home full-time. I wouldn't underestimate that part. I know a mama whose husband travels M-F every week, and on the weekends, their child does not see him as an authority figure, does not go to him in times of stress, etc...only wants Mommy. (Just as you described.) Now that Matt is living with you guys again, it might take her some time to get used to him in a different context in her life. She might need lots of verbal reminders about how Daddy loves to spend time with her, how happy you and Daddy are to all be together again, etc. Maybe she can think up a special one-on-one activity for the two of them to do together on a regular basis, something that you and she do not already do. Rob takes Sam to kick the soccer ball around - they do that 3-4 times per week, and that's their thing, yk?

The one thing I might add is that you might limit TV a little if she goes through this again. Of course, this is only my opinion (and you know my anti-TV bias from other discussions we have had! ;) ), but while it might be a good short-term fix, it might be better in the long run for her to work through what's bothering her with you and/or Matt as it's happening. Or, if she needs some down time, you or Matt could sit and color, read, etc. with her. Some quiet time where you are together and thinking about things, but maybe not talking about them right away...just processing. When TV is on, it often distracts the child from everything else, so she may not have had time to think about or process how her actions hurt Matt, or how what she did wasn't okay. kwim? Just something to think about.

I don't think she did anything out of the ordinary, given the situation. I hope you guys weather this adjustment and that things get better every day.

Tara

My three year old says all sorts of weird things when she is tired...or upset..or confused...or overwhelmed. At that age, they are too little for consequences "after the fact"...IMHO...and nothing they say should be taken personally. It is not a question of "excusing" her behaviour...it is a question of identifying the trigger...if something is upsetting her, talking to her about it...if she was too tired, pacing her activities a bit until she catches up, etc....

We don't really discuss the issue of hurting someone's feelings until at least the age of four..and then it is a matter of fact way...like, "Don't call him a poo-head - that is not nice." etc...

GOOD LUCK!!!

age appropriate and your dh is taking it way too personally. I would either get a couple parenting books or look online for age appropriate behavior. It can really help when you think something seems so bizarre to find it is totally typical. Like my 4 yr old was obessed with death and sure enough that is a common concern at 4 and she outgrew it. I agree that all day school for a 3 year old in itself should be enough to have her at the end of her rope every day and Daddy newly on the scene will take some getting used to. I have a brother in law whose oldest dd treated him worse than the yard man. She went on a hunger strike whenever he tended her and didnt even call him daddy at age 3. His name is Reed and she called him "EED". It was all she could pronounce but she didnt bond with him much at all until she weaned. She was a very late talker, weaned as an older 3 and was a big time mamas girl for a long time but now she is very close to her Daddy. He needs to give it more time and realize she doesnt understand that she is hurting him.