there is not much that we own that didn't come to us second hand, so it all had a life before.

And we are fairly hard on our stuff -- the car interior, for instance, because I allow eating in the car.

Or clothing -- the baby is on his fouth t-shirt today between oatmeal, baking cookis and spilling coffee (cold, no worries) all over both of us.

but sometimes i (nak now) just feel like such a crum-bum.

I honestly do not know how people pull themselves together all the time -- the type that stains don't seem to stick to, the ones with clean kids, a clean car, house and spotless outfit/perfect hair all the time.

Somehow I have in my head that money figures into that, but I don't really know how.

Ahhh, nak ramblings....

I understand how you feel. ALmost everything I buy I get used. I normally don't mind having the kids wear used items and such, but honeslty right now all I want is to head to the store and buy them all new school clothes. I already purchased what they need, but still I want new. They don't care. Right now the items look fairly good. I am picky about what I buy, but still I know what in a few months it will be very stained. They are very ahrd on their clothes. Of course if I bought new they woudl still have stains, what would be the point?

I am rambling, but I do understand. I want to head out in public and have everyone looking their best, oh and a clean car!!!

that odd, intangible feeling of being all put together -- especially out in public.

Almost everything we have is second hand as well. I think the boys are dressed well (I only buy sturdy name brand items for them at the thrift or garage sales) and our house looks nice even if it is decorated second hand. My downfall is that I have a hard time buying or finding clothing for myself. I have extremely large shoulders and can't seem to find anything in the thrift stores that fits and I also can't bring myself to buy new due to the price. It is so bad that I have wore the same 3 maternity shirts and 2 pair of shorts for my entire pregnancy. I just can't justify buying more clothes when I would only be wearing them for a couple months but I also feel less than attractive wearing the same stuff all the time.

I feel the same way. I don't think we have one piece of furniture that we bought new, except for our bed frame (which, by the way, is sitting in the basement until the kids are out of our bed :) ). I come from a family where the bar is set pretty high-and it hurts my feeling when my mom starts to joke about my shabby couch, even though I know she doesn't mean any harm. I do feel that by keeping a clean house the shabbiness doesn't really show as much. I really try hard to keep things uncluttered and as clean as I can-it really makes a difference to me.

As far as the put-together look; I can pull it off if I get dressed and ready first thing in the morning. If I don't do that, then I have no hope-but I am getting much better about it. I find that if I am ready to go then I am much less stressed about getting the kids ready and it is just easier all around for everyone.

I do feel better if I get dressed in "real clothes " (such as they are) first thing in the AM and then get set to go, but then life happens.

Like today -- got dressed and ready to be seen -- BOOM-- coffee everywhere thanks to little ds (he is a grabber and a tosser).

UGH -- then I get the "why do I even bother" mentality. I am just going to get covered in ketchup, or snot or poop...

I need teflon clothes.

Don't get me started on the furniture. I do okay with the matchy-matchy -- our home is comfortable. I am the type to let the kids have their cups wherever as long as their is a lid -- drips don't bother me much. We have hardwood and kid-friendly furniture for the most part.

But this week, little ds has decided to SPIT mouthfuls of grape juice everywhere -- EVERYWHERE!

He has to have the juice -- he has constipation issues and pretty much refuses water. I can only BF a toddler so much before I want to SCREAM. So now I have to sit at the table with him while he finishes his juice and he lets me know he's done BY SPITTING JUICE AT ME (not a tremendously verbal 22 month old).

Ugh...this is turning into a rant...I think I just have TODDLER issues, lol!:juggle:

So sorry you are dealing with toddler issues at the moment Emily. You can be sure though that you are not the only one around here!

no, I was thinking this same thing the other day- I got the new Pottery Barn Kids magazine in the mail. I love looking at their things, but I think now who really has a child's bedroom that is THAT clean and organized? Does that child really even have any fun or live in that room? I like that my children are able to play and not worry about a mess- it cleans up later.... they are only young once and some day I'll have a clean house with matching furniture and the throw pillows will STAY on the couch and not be on the floor being used as padding so they can jump off the hopechest....

Tawnya

Originally posted by emilytoys
I need teflon clothes.

Oh sister! I feel ya!!!!!

My dd is the stain terror. Not on me... but on our dining room. The last time I checked my e-mail (I think Sunday) she covered our dog, her high chair complete with poor baby doll, basically our entire WHITE CARPETED dining room with finger paint.

Also neither she, nor my dog are compleatly potty trained... it was a chain reaction... we got dog, we started potty training dog, sucess! We started potty training Cyan, she had accidents, dog smells pee, dog has accidents, Cyan sees dog get in trouble and have to go pee outside, Cyan decides that is where you pee. When she can't get out the door, she has accidents. Now the whole dining room smells like pee, and the rest of the house is saved by the hard wood floors... and the cat has decided that my closet is his litter box, because hell... the rest of the house smells like pee. So now we are waiting on Don's next paycheck and having the dining room enzyme cleaned.... which may or may not save the carpet. Oh and Cyan is still convinced that she needs to drop trow in the front yard and pee... it is a lovely chain of events. :rolleyes: We are about 50/50 in the potty or outside, and on the floor... and this all started in May.

My couches are also covered in stains... it helps a little that they are dark green, but only a little. A big spot on my table is bright blue due to same finger paint adventure... I may forgive her by the time she leaves my house... and I may also send the table with her complete with blue stain. ugh...

My clothes, and the kids clothes are pretty safe in comparison to the house.... I need teflon carpet. lmao...

Love Val

I am pretty grossed out by what is in many stores as well. Also, older items seem to be built so much sturdier than those produced now. All of my linens are the striped yellow, orange, and green ones from the 70's and 80's. They are buttery soft, don't pill and only cost a buck or less at yard sales. I also make all of our curtains and the kids comforters, pillows, jammies, etc... so that it is not like everyone elses stuff.

If only I could find a good used or US made source for my own clothes. I have gotten to the point that I am going to have to start making most of them. My shoulders are humungous and finding clothing that fits is no easy feat.

I get disgusted with myself for feeling this way -- bemoaning what I DON"T have while I sit in a beautiful old three bedroom house with running water, heating and cooling (albeit radiators and window AC), an automatic washer and dryer and a kitchen full of food and appliances.

It is a sin. Truly.

I need to find a way to remind myself to be greatfull of my situation.

But I don't think my issues are consumer driven -- we have no cable, very littlle pop culture/consumer driven advertising comes into our house via the television and the mail, we don't shop retail (for the most part)beyond IKEA (no child labor at IKAE)and food shopping. I am trying not to teach my children to wnat for the sake of having.

My issues revolve around self esteem, I think.

And I think part of the trap I have fallen into somewhat COMES from buying everything used/at yardsales/at Goodwill -- at such prices, it is all replaceable and thereby deserving of less care and we run our possesions into the ground.

"eh, it was a quarter -- who cares..."

have you read the book your money or your life?

One take away message I got from that is take care of the stuff you have.

On clothes: We used bibs a lot when dd was itty because then the bib and not the shirt was stained. bibs are cheap. Also dd only drinks in the kitchen (and eats).
I use a pretreatment on my clothes that have baby stains on them. I also found that line-drying makes em look less grungy. I am totally with bobbi jo on the clothes issue. My shoulders are wider than my hubby, I'm almost 6 feet tall and my waist is ~30 inches. What size do I buy? What I've come to is that i just pay more for my clothes and then expect them to last.

Originally posted by Mamax4
Our advertising is set up to make us want, and hate what we have. it makes us want more. All the cables stations about redoing rooms are nothing but advertisements for Home Depot, Target & Walmart. I think that is sick and completely unfair to everyone.


ITA Laurie!
:vent:
We have very few "plastic" and non-WAHM toys left in our home. DH picked up one of the few we had and was studying it then announced, "I see where it says Made in China and I want to throw it out." As he said it he came to the realization that one of his favorite toys- small older Tonka vehicles- are made in Japan. He started going on about how much his views of the world and something as simple as a toy have changed in the last several years just because he is a more informed consumer and person in general.

Quite a bit of our things are second hand, third hand, etc. But we take care of them as much as possible without breaking our back over it. It's funny Laurie mentioned the quilt- we found a handsewn quilt that's at least 50 years old at a yard sale with two hand crocheted afghans for $5. The quilt is huge and so unique! The girls have a blast using it as a tent when they build forts. It matches absolutely nothing in our home but it's just incredible and has so much character!

DH and I have finally come to the point in our life where we're realizing what's important- not the fancy new car we (stupidly) bought a few years ago or our kids having the most toys (chances are that every child in dd's class has more toys than our kids :eek: ) but that the things we buy be quality and able to serve their purpose in relation to our lifestyle. If it won't be used we won't buy it or if it was a gift it will be donated to charity. Why sit here and clutter our life, new or used or free? It would be nice if DH's pickup had a bigger bed or were 10 years newer without dents and dings but it serves it's purpose and gets better gas mileage than any new truck we know of!



:big hug:

And Bobbi Jo~ I KWYM about clothes for myself and maternity clothes!

Originally posted by Mamax4
Everything from the PB kids catalog is from China. I went to Target the other day-- I needed some school notebooks for my oldest- and I was looking at the stuff they were selling. It's all *garbage* in my opinion- made from the blood of slaves.

A handmade cotton quilt from China is $39?? That's *insane*. How can the woman who made it feed her children??

Our advertising is set up to make us want, and hate what we have. it makes us want more. All the cables stations about redoing rooms are nothing but advertisements for Home Depot, Target & Walmart. I think that is sick and completely unfair to everyone.

I left Target feeling that it was all a sham. Buy buy buy. It almos made me feel sick that everyone would have bedrooms and living rooms etc that would all look the same. "Oh, I saw that at Target! How cute. It was only 29.95". I mean, why do we all want our homes to look the same?

There was *no way* I would buy any of that---- and can I scream that lound enough?? That I would put one of those cotton handmade quilts, made with the blood of slaves, on my child's bed is so far beyind my comfort zone that I can't breathe.

I would rather find something used from my mother's house or at a yard sale or goodwill than pay money to line the pockets of the NAFTA people.

Just say no to brand new stuff. Our world is drowning in 'goods'.

I would *so* much rather see an old quilt on a bed than what I saw at Target the other day. I did not pick up one single item that did not say "Made in China' or "Made in Indonesia' etc. What are we thinking? Do we know the rivers of China are being polluted because we want cheap $hit? How much stuff is enough stuff?

I told my oldest ds '"never again are we stepping foot in this salve den'. He said, fine. We can get paper places other than Target.

Ok- that sounds harsh, but I was disgusted. I will not be bought. Even if my linens are old.

Laurie

:thumbsup:

I have begun to feel more and more "lectured" and honestly:

It just all struck me as absurd.

that just really sticks it to me.

My husband has either worked two jobs or gone to law school and held one job on top of that for the past 5 years.

We don't waste our money on frivolous crap, but on years of higher education in hopes of bettering ourselves and our children's lives. I too hold a college degree.

All of that effort coupled with trying to maintain a parent in the home for our sons has left us in some hefty debt loan-wise and it sometimes it depresses me.

It depresses me that we have put $1700 worth of repairs into our 13 year old (PAID FOR) car -- I would LOVE to have newer, reliable transportation (not just clean and pretty or soul-sucking).

A variety of other things begin to build and drag my attitude down -- 17 hour days with a difficult nursing toddler and a 6 year old with a personality that DEMANDS a lot of social interaction can be quite exhausting and when I have wiped, cleaned and repaired something (alone) for the umpteenth time I begin to get a bit tired of all the maintenence.

I am aware that bibs exist -- they are not an answer for us and wouldn't help when he colors all over himself with marker (yes, I have a 6 yo -- the markes get left out) or spills coffee all over (yes, I am human, the cup gets left out).

I never said that I wanted an ersatz living room direct from Pottery Barn or than Target needed to supply my decorating dream -- as a matter of fact my favorite piece of furniture is a vintage cherry coffey table I hauled in from the curb and restored in NY. and I would love the time to finish piecing our quilts (time = money, no other adult in th home because DH must work).

I was down -- life gets you down. I did not intend this thread to be a call to action nor do I need a lecture about consumer-driven culture. We live simply, we buY little.

I am so very sorry I posted anything at all -- I was merely exhausted and musing.

I remember Val's thread when her DH was in the thick of things -- that is our situation, almost to the letter, and like her I am tired...so friggin' tired, of dealing with all the little hassles that money could cure quite simple (effcient car, health insurance for me and dh, interview clothes for dh, enrichment classes for the boys, healthy organic food).

Enough...I am the one who is fired up today. Can we please take the rest of the discussion to another thread.

Oh hon... I don't think that was the intention of anyone. I mean threads get carried away like broken conversations... you forget what you are talking about, go back, re-examine it, and it says something a little different that you go off on, because you did not read it that way before. You know? No one was intending to hurt you or make you feel as though you were not doing enough.

I remember that post you reference. I remember the hardship, guilt, and down right exhaustion of that quest. It was not so long ago. And I am still very easily brought to tears... it is so hard. So very hard to remember there will be a time when things get better. I still do not have a working car, and we still live under the poverty level, but somehow now that Don is home more, I am more contented. And things are gonna get better real fast in about a month. But it has been really hard to see that... and even harder still to believe all of the damage this two years has caused. I am still in some sort of disbelief that I have been so ill-effected. I am usually very strong... and I have just hit my limit. (Or at least the limit that stops growth... no one is starving yet, so I must be simi-ok... lol...)

I feel your pain and frustration. I understand that you feel somewhat helpless and just really sad. It is so hard to see what we can do to stop that cycle until the magic day when "it all gets better". And having car trouble gets so expensive SO fast... omg... Just makes you feel as though you are sucked into a vortex of bad karma. And I wondered what I did to diserve it constantly.

The only piece of advice I will give you, and please don't take it as lecture because that is not at all what I intend. Is that I put this above my sink... so that when I was doing those hum-drum daily chores I would see it...

I do enough...
I have enough...
I am enough...

BREATHE.

We only do what we can with what we have to work with... that is ALL we can be asked to do. If we truly believe we are doing enough, then the guilt goes... leaving only the real trouble behind. (And I am not at all saying that there is none. I could go on and on about the trouble in my house right now... lol...)

Lots of love sister... I see your hurt... and I don't know what to do to help. I just know that you are doing enough if you are doing what you can... that is literally all we can do. I don't think anyone intended to tell you differently.

Love Val

thank you.

I know, truly, I do know that no one was jumping on the "let's educate Emily" bandwagon.

It just soooooooo easy to be super-sensitive and take things to heart, internalize general conversation too much, when it is an issue that weighs heavily on you. When you turn ovwer a new leaf, that fresh skin can burn easily.

I am not usually the type to get this way over posts -- I am normally the first one to point out that it is the internet and the screen doesn't have a voice.

ugh, guess who is nak now...

laurie, the funny thing is that i agree whole-heartedly with everything you posted. And I guess that is why I felt stung a bit -- it is hard to face up to the baseness of some wants vs. needs.

Actually, I think I need the kick in the pants -- I mean, I could be washing in a polluted river, wondering if my husband was even alive anymore, hoping to maybe be able to feed my kids in the next day or so. I need to quit whining.



:heart: