amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Nicole · 08-01-2005, 04:09 PM

WARNING: This is a serious vent. If you are new to hsing or thinking aabout it, do not read this. I am just a crazy mama right now.

I am feeling like such a failure right now! I have been trying to get back to "school" and I just feel like my heart is not in it. I have so little patience and I feel so tense about it. We are using a great curriculum this year. Well, it is not a curriculum and that is why it is so great. We are planning on doing FIAR, Making Math Meaningful, and LLATL. My problem is the baby and my daughter's unwillingness to do anything. First, the baby is starting to cut out naps. We keep on trying to do something but the baby is such a distraction. He wants to be in our laps, on the table, taking stuff from us, etc.
Secondly, dd asks and asks to "do school". She seems so entusiastic but then when it comes down to it, all she does is complain. She complained about having to read the FIAR book the third time, she complained about having to do any math work (fun - counting her money). She totally shuts down and stops trying. Her mind goes off somewhere and if I ask her something like, "what is 2+1", I get this blank stare and she says "80". It is crazy. I lose my temper, I get so upset that I feel like throwing a temper tantrum! LOL

I am weaning us off of TV (again) and all they do all day is ask if they can watch TV. No matter what we are doing, they are talking about watching TV. We could be playing in the sprinklers, eating lunch, playing with modeling clay, playing Bobble...whatever...they would rather watch TV. DD says all the time, "all I want to do is watch TV, I don't like anything else."
I just feel like throwing in the towel and saying forget it. Although, dh would never let me and I think it would f*@# up dd.
I could go on and on...I really think that I need some help...what do I do? Where do I go? I need to make this work but I feel like my head is not in it and I have lost all patience and sanity. I feel like spending all day in bed or on Amitys...not focusing on teaching my kids...what is wrong with me?

Chels~ · 08-01-2005, 04:38 PM

Most of us go through times like this. Anytime you change routines there is some kind of friction. We are on our 3rd week of this school year and the first week was really hard. I also got the blank stare and begging for TV. My solution has been implementing a routine and sticking to it. Once your kids get into a routine of homeschooling, your kids will know that TV is not an option. Be encouraged that you are NOT alone. It is good that you talk about it and get it out.

Nicole · 08-01-2005, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mum_mum

Most of us go through times like this. Anytime you change routines there is some kind of friction. We are on our 3rd week of this school year and the first week was really hard. I also got the blank stare and begging for TV. My solution has been implementing a routine and sticking to it. Once your kids get into a routine of homeschooling, your kids will know that TV is not an option. Be encouraged that you are NOT alone. It is good that you talk about it and get it out.

Thanks!

Now, I just need to find the discipline within myself to buckle down and DO IT! I need to reach within myself for the motivation and initiative!

I am so frustrated with my apathy...

KimberMama · 08-01-2005, 05:52 PM

I understand. I doubt myself at times, especially when I am having a down week; I have battled depression for over 20 years now. When I can barely make it out of bed I wonder how I will ever homeschool my children.

I do think you are facing three separate problems right now. First off is the TV detox. We have swung back and forth on being TV free or allowing limited TV for the past 4 years. At our very worst my guys watched about 2 hours a day (during a bad depression of mine several years back). It took at least 2 weeks of going cold turkey before they wanted to do anything else. I slowly let 45 minutes of TV twice a week back into our routine, which I then cut out last fall when we started homeschooling. The second detox went much smoother. Now even though we are on summer break they aren't allowed TV; they get one family movie on Friday nights and that is it! They don't ask for TV and they have fantastic imaginations and play like crazy all day. It really is worth it to eliminate the TV.

The other problem seems to be finding a way to integrate the baby into your homeschool day. I don't know how old your baby is. One thing we are taking from Enki and TWTM is the idea of a nap/quiet time. I would suggest that you try to find a way for the baby to have a quiet time if he is truly ready to give up his nap. Will he sit quietly and listen to music or a story CD? If not, are there special toys/activities you can give him to do while you work with your daughter? You may be able to get 45 minutes by setting the baby up on the kitchen floor with a basin of water and some measuring cups, funnels, etc. All you have to do when he is done is change his clothes and dry the floor.

Finally, it maybe that you need to find another way to teach your daughter. I tried using TWTM last fall and we all burned out within 2 months. My then 4.5YO flat out refused to participate. We took a month off and started again, this time using Oak Meadow kindergarten. They were so engaged and had so much fun! OM engaged their senses in a way that the workbooks, etc. didn't. I know unschooling isn't for everyone (my DH just isn't comfortable with it), but you could look at that too.

Is there anyway you can just take a break right now? Spend a month getting used to no TV and evaluating what your daughter needs to be engaged in her schooling? Do lots of art projects and just have fun?

Take a deep breath, mama! You really can do this. The beauty of it is that you get to change things and start over as often as you need to.

Peace,

Kimberly

volvomom · 08-02-2005, 12:19 AM

My 2yo is special needs and boy does he need! LOL!

Today we went to the beach for Not-Back-To-School day. Since there is an elementary school behind us and some of my children's friends are public schoolers we like to make the first day of public school special by going to the beach (we live 45 minutes away). We don't do the same stuff their friends do like shop for school clothes and school supplies and my children like to mark the occasion!

Some children learn best by workbooks for example and others by seeing it or using their hands. My 7yo has mastered fractions by using measuring cups when we make meals in the kitchen versus worksheets or manipulatives.

We don't use a curriculum. We use different things for different ages/grades. It took me four years to get here from a packaged curriculum but it's what works!

Take it easy with a needy baby! I only *do* one thing a day and somedays it's hard to do! My son rarely naps and always wants to nurse or be held.

twiceblessed · 08-09-2005, 10:13 AM

One thing with the TV is you may want to go cold turkey for awhile. My kids are media-free and have been for I guess a little over a month. We're just now starting to add a little in but only as a tool, yk? Dd is a space junkie so we watched Discovery land this morning but that's the first TV she's watched since we cut it out. She watched the launch on CNN.com and we're also probably going to start letting her use the computer for research simply because when she is curious about something it doesn't seem logical or balanced to make her wait til the next library trip when we can google it and get the answer in 5 minutes.
We don't let them watch regular TV or videos at all though because I know my kids and if they got them on occasion they would nag me to death about it so for now it's a total no go.
As far as the 2+1=80...sorry but I had to laugh because I sooooooo know what you mean. lol! My dd does things like that and it drives me nutso too but I guess it's pretty normal but yeah it is definitely aggravating!

heythereheather · 08-09-2005, 05:57 PM

(((HUGS)))

With FIAR, when she doesn't want to read the book again, try something different. Have her tell it to you instead. Or write a summary, with her dictating. Etc.

With math--does she know 2 + 1 (say)? Erik responds like that when it's a horribly simple question... he says something to make it more interesting. If I up the challenge level a bit, then he starts giving the "real" answers. And when he gets in a mood like htat, I do one of two things to avoid getting frustrated at him. 1) I say, "do you want to do math?" And if his answer is no, I put it away. But if it's yes, I remind him to give me the right answer. OR 2) I say, "that's so silly! do you have another silly answer?" and do that for a bit. Then I say, "what's the right answer?" It's so funny to him.

As far as the baby... Anders is 16 months, and we do school while he's awake--his nap time is Erik's quiet time. Anyway, he is a little crazy some days. But I let him sit next to me (we sit at the island, and Anders LOVES to sit on the big chair), and he writes, colors, uses markers, reads his books, eats a snack, plays with magnets, plays with playdough, etc. When he's done next to me, he then is ready to get down and play independently in the family room (open floor plan, he's in view the whole time). I hoep you find something that works for you. Oh, and at least for me, Erik isn't bothered by it at all, so I work hard to not get distracted myself, and we're all happy.

Natalia · 08-09-2005, 06:04 PM

Hi Nicole.

To answer where you ended, nothing is wrong with you. Your feelings and experience sound quite normal to me. In fact, if you figure out a way to be happy, motivated and energetic all of the time -- while still meeting the basic requirements of being a mother (and I mean the children are not starving or abused -- nothing else) -- PLEASE, let me know.

You should read Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety by Judith Warner. I felt better that so many others are experiencing what I am.

Natalia

peachymomma · 08-09-2005, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicole

I could go on and on...I really think that I need some help...what do I do? Where do I go? I need to make this work but I feel like my head is not in it and I have lost all patience and sanity. I feel like spending all day in bed or on Amitys...not focusing on teaching my kids...what is wrong with me?

Wow we are going through so many of the same things.
First off we are using FIAR this year and making math meaningful(later). Right now we are using 100 easy lessons to teach your child to read.

But Justin HATES homeschooling. Justin recently he has started enjoying the 100 easy lessons.
Everytime we homeschool he uses it as leverage to watch TV. I used to think this was getting the job done but now I realize that it is not the right thing. So we have absolutely nothing to watch on tv. No cable, no antenna. Our Downfall is DVD's. ACK!
OH gosh and the baby problem...... Savannah also wants to be in the middle of it... sigh

Yep I am right there with you on everything you posted mama.
I will be getting internet service soon at my house, maybe we can add each other to yahoo messenger and try to encourage one another.