Alternative LearningAre you a homeschooling mama? or maybe you unschool... or maybe you are interested in another alternative learning style? or maybe you don't have any idea what i am referring to?? this forum might just be for you! share your thoughts and ideas
We have a slightly 'different' family at church that homeschools their kids. I think they are probably the *only* homeschooled family that my mom has ever met. They have a daughter that is my younger sister's age and then their youngest child is MY daughter's age.
EVERYTHING they do that is 'different' or ANYTIME they have a 'issue' my mom says "Oh, it's because they're homeschooled."
And one time I tried to come back when another girl had a problem and said "Oh, it's because she goes to school." and my mom totally blew that off.
Since telling my mom we're going to homeschool she always brings up negative things- more indirectly than directly. Always telling me things that this family did or how their daughter acted and then following up with the "Oh, it's because they're homeschooled- that's why they are SOOO weird!!!"
How can combat this???? Do I just deal with it? Do I say something?? Help please!!!
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mama to 2 princesses, le petit prince and a wee little member of royalty to arrive in early 2008
I think I would be direct with her. When she says "Oh, it's because they're homeschooled." I would probably turn to her, and say "Now why on earth would you make such an assumption like that?" "It's rude and insensitive to make coments like that." "What are your reasons for thinking so negatively about homeschooling?" and I would sit there and wait for her to answer.
I think she assumes that *socialization* would make a difference.
I also think that she thinks the kids would be more cooperative if they had to cooperate with kids at school. (but I think this is more of a parenting issue than anything)
years ago, my dh would make those type of comments. I would tell him those children would be different no matter what environment they were put in. Thank goodness he has moved on and now he encourages others to homeschool.
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Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.
- David Bly
My neighbor used to teach. When she moved in, I think she was taken back with us and our other neighbors who also homeschool. She had said that she was so against homeschooling because of what she had seen when she was teaching. She had a 9th grade student who was attending public school for the first time, and she was really a misfit - couldn't function socially and was an outcast. Me, I felt sorry for the girl, the way she described her. My neighbor said that she saw this girl and was sure that all homeschoolers were social misfits.
GLAD to say that our neighbors and our family has helped her see that is not so. I think it's really horrible for people to put all homeschoolers into the social misfit category. But - there are so many social missfits in the school, but they aren't looked at as an example of what school does... I don't get it.
Children have their own personalities, too. JUST because a child does or does not go to school doesn't determine how socially inept they are/will be.
PLUS! If a child can't deal iwth being around al ot of other people, why do we force that on them as a society? As an adult, we have the ability to choose to not be around lots of people by our career choices, our lifestyle choices, etc. Why do we insist that children ALL fit into this perfect little mold? It doesn't emulate real life at all... and that is what my choice for homeschooling comes down to... it's not a practical real-life setting.
I would simply take a direct approach. Ask what her issues and concerns are, and truly listen to what they are. Then reassure her that your family has done the research, have debated the various issues, and have decided that this is what you're going to do. Then, also maybe let her know that if homeschooling doesn't work out for your family (as it doesn't for everyone that tries it) that you will do what is best for your children.
Sometimes families just need to be reassured that everything has been taken into consideration.... including their feelings/thoughts/emotions.
In the end you need to stand your ground, let her know you're a responsible adult and parent, and that you greatly appreciate her concerns.
In our case, that assumption would be confusing cause and effect. DS2 is a complete nut. One of the big reasons that we're homeschooling is that he'd never survive in school. He's one of the ones who the teachers would insist needed to "see his doctor" about his inability to sit still. Obviously they can't accommodate his energy level, and I don't expect them to even try around here. So we keep him home (and at the park!), where he can learn while in constant motion, instead of having unrealistic expectations thrust on him.
Similarly, DS1 is very introverted and would be eaten alive by his peers in some classrooms. Not all kids in PS would behave that way, but I know that DH and I had many a bad year coping with being the geeky shy kids ourselves. But that's his personality, and not a reflection of his lack of socialization. He socializes fine in smaller groups.
So they are who they are, and we homeschool in part because of who they are... they went to preschools, and it didn't change them in any way, good, bad, or neutral. HSing isn't changing their personalities easier, it just make it easier for them to learn in peace.
Wow with this many people in public school America must be just not have any issues huh? I could name many odd adults who went to public school.
My son would be weird in or out of school. His socialization was a girl telling him to run and kiss him. Then telling the teacher later that he touched her chest and butt. Which got him kicked out for 3 days. Then she invited him to a party at her house. At least he was being socilized.
I finally just said "So you think I would do something purposely to harm my children and you don't support me in my parenting? Is that what you are saying?"
My son was weird before I homeschooled him, so no one can blame it on that!
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Jennifer
Heath 9-98
Jill 10-00
"Not for a nanosecond did it occur to me to leave his future to 'the professionals' or to the ephemeral idea that 'he might outgrow it.' That was a risk I absolutely was not willing to take. With his very quality of life at stake, failure was simply not an option."
Ellen Notbohm, Autism/Asperger Digest, September-October 2004
Military wife of a deployed soldier. 
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