amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

duckydolittle · 02-01-2004, 05:16 PM

How important is it that I keep homeschooling Devin. I mean, things are tough around here right now, and he's challenging me continuously, and I am having other problems, and I am considering taking a break from homeschooling for a bit. I'm still pretty new at homeschooling, so I have trouble with the relaxed aspect of homeschooling, and I'm struggling trying to decide if this is the right thing to do right now.

I know it is tough getting Devin to do what I want him to do right now. I know I'm not being a very good teacher right now. My brother is so sick and in so much pain, and I'm grieving, and I just don't feel like I'm doing right by Devin. I've been short with him, and I can't seem to get all of our lessons even half done, because he is challenging everything I do. In fact, this week is the first week I've doubted my ability to homeschool him. I am really doubting it too. He really acted out all week, purposely pushing my buttons, and it was a struggle to get stuff accomplished. I'm losing my cool - yelling - something I haven't done previously since we decided to homeschool, and I'm wondering if I really am any better than public school - they yelled at him all the time too, but at least then he had friends he could play with, and he didn't LIVE there you know?!?

I want to take a break, but then I don't know - I mean really - Can I just do that?!? Just take off for a week? Aren't I neglecting him? We were doing so well before, I know this is just a bad time for us, he's grieving, I'm grieving - my dh is gone ALL the time working mandatory overtime, my family has it's own issues so they can't help, Logan still has that chronic diarhea and is clingy, I feel so overwhelmed - I need a break - but then Dh and my mom feel like if I'm not able to homeschool him, he should be in public school. I feel like such a failure. I'm so depressed right now... nothing I am doing is working right. I feel like I keep trying, but it just gets worse and worse the harder I try.

It's even tougher, because his cousin (who's dad is dying) is still going to school, and my family thinks if she's able to go to school, then so should Devin. But he's fighting everything, and this isn't normal behavior for him at all - at least not since we began homeschooling - he's been pretty cooperative and happy to learn until now.

Is it normal to take a break when things get bad, or do you just keep working at it? I'm really wanting to know the opinions of more experienced homeschoolers. I'm so new to this homeschooling biz that I just feel insecure - I grew up in a family that sent you to school unless the school sent you home because you were so sick. I definitely was never allowed a "break" because I didn't want to do my work - and fighting about doing it would not have been tolerated. I truly feel that he is grieving as well.

4munchkinsmommy · 02-01-2004, 05:30 PM

first of all, my prayers are with you for your emotional strength right now.
you know, the beauty of homeschooling is that it is whatever we want it to be. you can take a break in the form of just playing around for a week, or you can take a break in the form of public school for a month or two. they do not need to know your intentions nor your time frame. you do whatever you feel is best for YOU and him at the time.
and a year from now, you'll be able to help someone else through this!
blessings!

3boysnagrl · 02-01-2004, 06:11 PM

Hang in there.

The awesome part of homeschooling is that it will bring you closer together. Really. You can take a break whenever you need it... you are your own scheduler. :-) That said... what I have found works 90% of the time when we are having rough days... is making a list of what I want done. I organize it by subject - then he can cross off what he gets done. I think for Austin, he was upset and confused. He saw a whole book and never knew how much he was going to be expected to do in how much time. I would get a bunch of papers, and he would assume that they were for him to do right then. He would then shut down and we'd get NOTHING done. Usually when I write it down for him, he does most if not all. Also... I found that when he was pushing my butttons, I needed to just walk away and leave him with his work and pretend it didn't bother me... just going and playing with the other kids or doing one on one with Nate. He sits there for a few minutes grumbling, then I look over and he's engrosed in his book/paper/article whatever I needed him to do.

Just a few things to think about.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

BonaDea · 02-01-2004, 06:23 PM

{{{hugs}}}}

You can totally take some time off.

In fact we ended up doing about 1/2 the work planned in Dec because of ongoing illnesses and the holidays.

I figure that becuase we school through holidays and on weekends and through the summer that it really doesn't matter if we take a week or more off here and there.

That is one of the benifits of hsing is that you can do it on a weekend or in the middle of the night whatever works best for your family.

elliebelly · 02-01-2004, 06:52 PM

the regilarity of school really helped teddy, our 11 year old last summer. he has nvld, so we home school all summer to keep his knowledge from evaporating. we did lessons in the hospital even & the continuing rhythm was helpful. maybe you could decide to do a unit on death & dying to help devin with the struggle your family is going through? (hugs)

Katie · 02-01-2004, 08:41 PM

Th learning never stops when you homeschool. You may put away the text books, but school is always in session.

In times of tragedy, you are teaching (by example) how to develop coping skills and how to find grace in the worst of times.

Teaching a child how to grieve is one of the finest gifts you can give.

Katie

duckydolittle · 02-01-2004, 10:47 PM

Thank you for your support mama's. I think we'll continue to do math, because he really enjoys it, can do it mostly on his own, and there's no BATTLE there. But we will be taking a break in the other areas. He is reading a book he's totally engrossed in, so this will allow him to read a bit.

This evening almost immediately after I posted this I was called to my brothers house, his time is very close now, and I know when he finally goes we can quit grieving, because it is much more difficult to watch him suffer than it will be to say goodbye. I don't think we will need to take off more than a week of homeschool, and we do homeschool in the evenings/holidays/weekends, so I guess it won't really hurt us to miss some of our routine.

We'll watch a lot of educational tv- I know it's not the best for all of the time, but I can't continue to fight with him about grammar - cursive - spanish - when it just doesn't seem very important right now. He is already ahead in so many areas - like most homeschool kids.

Devin is grieving deeply. We are a very close knit family, and my brother lives 10 minutes away - when I was a single mom and working all the time/ going to college, my brother and his family babysat him - my brother has been a father figure to Devin when he didn't really have one. He's breaking down pretty hard, and it seems silly to continue homeschooling him, because I wouldn't even think of sending him to ps in this condition.

Thank you again for all of your support, and please continue to pray for my brothers pain to be over, he is truly suffering.

SnowWhite · 02-02-2004, 10:34 AM

Just a suggestion:

Have a family journal or diary to help you all share your feelings right now. Devin could be recorder and get in some hidden English practice, LOL.

Or he could do a letter or journal on his own. Not for "grades" or anything, just writing what he wants to.

KD · 02-03-2004, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ^i^Katie^i^
Th learning never stops when you homeschool. You may put away the text books, but school is always in session.

ITA...

Take the time off! If you are really worried, work through summer. Summers were no different for us and just stay in the routine.
Take the time you need mama. He will be ok!!