Oh I totally got off on my own personal tangent...much more related to posts that weren't by you, Rebecca. I didn't think you were talking about any extended period of time thing.
But I do think maybe...perhaps...you're overthinking things just a wee bit. You don't really have to set out consciously to prepare for such situations. Or at least I didn't.
Kinda like how you don't have to plan for the day (or prepare for in advance) when it's ok for you to be asleep when your child/ren are awake, iykwim.
But then I'm totally not a planner at all.
of course I am! That's what I do (and, to an extent, it was a minor passing internal question until there so much "I would never" at which point I did have to think about it more). But, ask me where we are going on vacation for the next 20 years and I can tell you:
2009 Cozumel
2010 Cruise in the Southern Caribbean
2011 Italy - specifically Tuscany
2012 France
2013 Galapagos
I really can keep going and, I'm also completely aware that my this-is-absolute-list will change probably monthly from now until I go anywhere. I seriously doubt I'll hit all those, but that's my current overthinking plan.
And, what my expected budget is going to be. Half the fun is thinking about it. My mind overthinks things all the time.
But, back to this, I wonder if part of the differences are attributed to childhood experiences. My mother was a full time SAHM who granted us a whole lot of freedom -
1. At the start of Kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN), she walked me to school for a few days, then she made me walk and she followed behind me for a few days, and then I walked by myself (four blocks, maybe a third of a mile). She did not do this so that she didn't have to walk me. She did this for me.
2. when we first first first moved to France, I was almost, but not quite 8. My brother was 5. My mother would give me money so that my brother and I could walk the kilometer (maybe more) from our house to the village so that we could buy ice cream. She did this so that we could familiarize ourselves with the culture, be forced to speak more, and develop confidence.
3. and, then, there is my favorite: at the age of 13, I flew, by myself, from SF to NY where I changed planes by myself (not escort) and flew from NY to Paris where I negotiated customs by myself. Six weeks later I flew, by myself, from Paris to NY, negotiated customs, then flew NY to SF.
Yet, my mom was always there. She was there when we left for school and she was there when we came home. I don't really recall ever having her NOT there. (they rarely went out without us and when they did, we had babysitters until I was 12). So, we had a lot of mom, but then she encouraged independence as well. It was never about her needs, it was about fostering the growth of my wings.
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RE: the bus thing - at my niece's schools, they won't let them off the bus if a parent is not there to meet them. I don't know at which age that changes, but I know that because of traffic (they used to go to school in their Dad's district) she has run late and they've taken the kids back to school for after-care and charged Mom for it.
RE: the bus thing - at my niece's schools, they won't let them off the bus if a parent is not there to meet them. I don't know at which age that changes, but I know that because of traffic (they used to go to school in their Dad's district) she has run late and they've taken the kids back to school for after-care and charged Mom for it.
That's a great idea and I do not believe that they do that here, but it is also a non-issue for me as I wouldn't even consider it (though my neighbors and I have a policy that if one of the kids gets off the bus and their parent isn't there, that one of us would take the child to our home (we all watch out for each other and our kids on our block, but, still, I wouldn't put that burden on them regularly, so, again, it is a non issue).
Carl is even more "lax" than me (obviously, by my previous story!). He really thinks Erik could walk to school alone. It's pretty safe, since it's all through the campus of Mills (as we enter the back gate, and are never on the city streets), but he would have to cross 2 streets. He's shown himself to be responsible, but there are NO crossing guards or crosswalks at the last intersection. So he can't do it (the school sent out a PSA saying that kids have to be 10 to cross the street on their own, so I was able to have something to back me up. )
I have to admit that I would be comfortable with it in a few years. But he'll have siblings, too, and I wouldn't trust him to walk Anders to school, too, until Anders is older. And by then there will be CeeCee, too, and she'd just be in kindy, so I don't see him ever walking to school on his own.
Just a ramble, I guess. I don't judge you or think you're a bad parent. Hmmm, maybe it makes me like you even more as a parent.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandi
RE: the bus thing - at my niece's schools, they won't let them off the bus if a parent is not there to meet them. I don't know at which age that changes, but I know that because of traffic (they used to go to school in their Dad's district) she has run late and they've taken the kids back to school for after-care and charged Mom for it.
wow. that's pretty hefty.
i personally would be furious in that scenario. our bus driver almost didn't let our kids off the bus one afternoon bc i wasn't out there. dh was home but didn't go to the stop (1 yard away.) my oldest was like...look...the two little girls from the cul-de-sac get off every day without a parent present. they walk around the corner, out of sight of the bus. you have to let us off the bus, our house is *right there*! he pointed out her inconsistency and she let them off.
i'm glad. i would have been livid to learn she refused to let them off, but in our area there is no rule saying the bus driver can decide whether to drop off a kid or not.
this is where the school can potentially step on my toes as the parent and i get pretty hot about it. i know what the statutes say, i know my kids and i know what we have set forth in our home...as long as i am within my rights by the law (and i am) no one gets to decide whether my kids get off the bus (whether or not someone is home...the law is on my side with regards to them being latch-key or not, whether it be for 5 minutes or an hour.)
this is the kind of thread where i can realllllly see the differences in parenting and it's also the kind of thread where inadvertent judgments can be made and show through. let's tread carefully (we have thus far...)
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Excellent point about the law. In her state, there is no law about babysitting or unsupervised children. In fact, her ex left the kids home alone at an insanely young age (I want to say the oldest was 4 or 5) and she called the police and checked statutes. So, it must just be a school district decision.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandi
So, it must just be a school district decision.
that it may be...but it doesn't overstep the rights of the parents, yk?
(this just hit a hot button for me since it almost happened to my kids...and in my instance, my dh was HOME, he just wasn't at the stop, he was in the house 50 feet away. had she not let them off i would have been ALL OVER the bus driver, school and school system like white on rice.)
My Mom never hesitated to tell us all the gory details of children like Adam who were kidnapped. I think they were trying to instill a "healthy dose of fear" in us. Too much? Maybe.
see, I vividly remember Adam and the search and eventually them finding his head. I was 9 then.
I'm thinking probably age 12 here to be left home alone with siblings. Lindsey's almost 7 and nowhere ready. Maybe I'd let her stay alone around age 10 or so, but I really can't answer that at this point as I seem to have misplaced my crystal ball. Lindsey gets panicky though, and that's a big part of it.
our situation is compounded though by the issue of epi pen knowledge if she were to keep the youngers. That's not something I'm willing to put on her shoulders at a young age.
I've had her 'supervise' the kids while I'm doing other stuff (sorting in the garage or whatever) for several years now, probably starting around age 3 since I felt she could handle that if I were home. Josh occasionally 'supervises' Leila and has since he was 4. Actually, come to think of it, I've walked down to the mailbox and back several times and left a big one in charge, but it's within earshot if there's a problem (and close enough that I can run!).
(and, to an extent, it was a minor passing internal question until there so much "I would never" at which point I did have to think about it more). But, ask me where we are going on vacation for the next 20 years and I can tell you:
(we have thus far...)
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