amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

GaPeachShannon · 04-08-2008, 01:10 PM

My daughter is almost 3 (in July) and I watch a little girl who is also 2. She is about 4 months younger than my daughter. The child that I keep is less assertive by nature, and I feel like my daughter really plays on that. But she is also physically violent with her throughout the day. Pushing, hitting, pinching, and recently biting. She sometimes doesnt have a reason she will just walk up and do it. I have tried many different punishments and even rewards when I do catch her being nice, but still every day she is bullying the little girl I watch. I dont know what to do to maker her stop and she doesnt seem to be remorseful for what she does even when it cause pain to the other child. If anyone has any advice out there I would really appreciate it.

Shannon

Claire Berry · 04-24-2008, 11:33 PM

First of all, remember this is pretty normal.

I would make sure to give more attention to the other lil girl each time it happens. Deal with your daughter after you lovingly attend to the other girl. I think in that age group and situation of course she's looking for attention and needs to know she'll not get much of it that way. I would put her in time out as I quickly explained to her how bad biting is. Young children can understand a lot, so tell her about the germs and everything. I would not talk to her at lengh, touch her much or anything else at that point. Let her sit and watch you care for the victim.

You obviosuly know that negative attention is better in her subconscious than none, so if you nearly eliminate that as well as doing what you're already doing (reinforcing positive behavior) then she should soon put it together that she needs to find other ways to get some extra attention.

Good luck!

GaPeachShannon · 04-25-2008, 06:36 AM

Just wanted to say Thanks for the good advice. I do tend to give her to much negative attention at the moment so I will try and cut that out and direct it towards my little girl I mind. Thanks so much.
Shannon

sunanthem · 04-26-2008, 08:05 PM

AT the daycare my kids went to at that age, the teachers would often tell the kids; we don't bite/hit etc. our friends. They really seemed to get it after awhile that friends are important, and most of the time they would like to play with their friends, but they must play w/o hurting, of course. I dont know, my daughter really seemed to get it that she didnt want to hurt her friends. Also, if the other little girl is playing with some of her favorite toys everyday, she could be getting very upset about it. Perhaps keeping doubles of toys used only during childcare times would help. So they could each have one, and there will be less fighting over a certain toy, and your daughter wont feel any resentment towards sharing her personal toys. Just a suggestion, if it helps.

Claire Berry · 05-10-2008, 03:57 PM

You're so very welcome.