Golly, I don't even know how to word it. I have a lot of issues in this area due to how I grew up. Anyway, I want to know when to start tell dd that it is not okay for other adults to touch her body and how to say it.
I don't know why it is so hard for me to ask this question. I am a very straightforward person, have no prob discussing stuff like periods, birth, sex with strangers, so it's weird that I am so freaked out by this.
I guess I just don't want to say the wrong thing with to her. I want to teach her, but not scare her, yk? When I was in 3rd grade, my mom started to have this same discussion with me by telling me that my grandfather had abused her and her sisters, which scared me a affected the way I saw my grandfather my whole life. Being taught to avoid sexual abuse was almost as traumatic as being abused.
DD is 3, I'd appreciate any thoughts y'all have about talking to her... Thanks.
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~Shelly
Mama to Kaia (5yo) and Rowan (3.5yo)
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Elizabeth is 3 and I talk to her about her body...she knows about her private parts and I tell her no one is allowed to touch her there. Mostly when she is bathing or undressing, times when her attention is on her body. I did this with all my children around the same time.
**I wanted to add we talk about good touch and bad touch and not keeping bad secrets too~~
__________________ *~Gail~*& Miss Elizabeth
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth ~1 John 3:18
It just slips in,,I don't remember a specific point with my older kids. We just talk about life,,
About a week ago I finally had to put a stop to my son playing with himself all the time in the living room,,which all 3 1/2 year old boys do. So that was probably my first talk with him,,,
I told him that his penis is all his own, and that he can do what he wants with it . I know it feels nice to play with it, but that is something that he should maybe do by himself,,in his room or on the bathroom, and not while watching tv in the livingroom. I told him that it makes others uncomfortable to see, even though it is ok.
And then I said that it is something special for just him, and he needs to remember it is not ok for anyone else to touch his penis, because it is all his own. His special thing.....
I pretty much handled it the same way with my older kids too. I was abused as well, but have never felt like that was something I wanted to bring up yet,,I don't want them afraid, just aware and to have healthy appreciation for themselves and boundaries.
"Before you were conceived I wanted you, Before you were born I loved you, Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of life."
- Maureen Hawkins
I have a great little book, that my oldest son still remembers by name. I will have to ask him the title LOL. It was such a positive book... about how great our bodies are, and good touch vs. bad touch. I think a book would be a great idea... give you a "guide" too. 3 yrs old is a good age. The goal is helping them feel empowered by their bodies rather than afraid of them. I'm sorry you had a traumatic experience.
"It's MY Body"
by Lory Freeman
ISBN# 0-943990-03-3
I'm so glad I pulled it out! I'm going to read this to my 3 and 5 yo's tonight. It starts out "I have something very special that belongs to only me." (body) Then it talks about sharing your body.... when you hug your mom, you are choosing to share your body, it feels good, etc. Then negative ways of sharing your body, like when someone "tickles me too hard, I might not feel like sharing my body."
I'm a huge fan of Protecting the Gift and think every parent should read it. But I also think you can tell your children in very concise terms that it's not okay for people to touch them in certain areas of their bodies. I can't even remember how old Sam was when I told him that for the first time, but it went something like, "you have some special body parts that are only for you - no one should touch them except Daddy or Mommy when we are washing you, or a doctor when she is examining you when I am with you."
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