Hi all I am first time mom and I am having such a difficult time getting my three month old to fall asleep. She usually cries more like screams for atleat 15 minutes every night before she falls asleep. Is that normal? any suggestions on what i should do to help her?
concerned mommy
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I'm NOT trying to be harsh here, but she is TOO YOUNG to be putting herself to sleep. Not that no kid ever does at that age, but if she is crying for fifteen minutes, she needs you. This is an attachment parenting board, you're not going to find support for letting your tiny infant "cry it out".
Hold her. Sleep with her. Nurse her down. Sling her.
Shutting up now.
One of my children, as an infant, would lose it every night before falling to sleep. I wasn't attempting to follow a scheduled bedtime (can't tell from your post if you are or not) or anything. It was just that when she was really little she would sort of hit a point of overload and she would spaz out before she could fall asleep or even nurse.
Some things that did help were to keep the house mellow in the evening. Low lights, low noise. Soft music.
A warm bath (I'd get in the tub and hold her) in a low-lit bathroom.
Massaging her with oil (especially her tummy) after the bath. She was a gassy baby. This really helped.
Sling time between bath and bedtime. This really helped to keep her from getting over stimulated. I'd put her in the sling and walk around the house picking up. Of course, low lights, low noise in the house.
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~Dannielle
Momma to Isabelle (8/95) and Mason (1/01)
Can you try rocking/nursing her to sleep 15-30 minutes or so before her usual crying time? I remember Josie would have crying spells every evening at 8:30pm -- then, one night she fell asleep at 7:30 and slept for a few hours. We started encouraging that pattern and it helped to avoid the nightly screaming fits from then on.
I nurse her to sleep everynight but then she wakes up as soon as I put her down. No, I dont have any routine...because I am home I usually just put her to bed when she starts getting fussy and rubbing her eyes. Ohhh you made me feel so guilty when you said 15 min is too much.. the only reason why i let her cry for that long is cause i use to pick her up every second she started crying. I did some research and they said.. the max is 15 min or so.. she never really cries for the whole 15 min of course.. more like cries then sleeps for a few min then wakes up then cries.. etc...
She does eventually fall asleep of course, but it breaks my heart when she cries. Oh and yes I am with her most of the time.. rubbing her back usually...
If you're waiting for her to rub her eyes and being fussy, you've probably waited too long. She's overtired at that point. Try putting her down about a 1/2 hour earlier and see if that helps. Keep up a routine, turn down the lights, rock her and snuggle then try to put her down. If she still fusses, pick her back up and rock her a little more to soothe her then put her down again.
Don't feel guilty about the 15 minutes. I know so much advice out there is to let them cry, but I've found with my 4 kids that it's really best to help them learn to go to sleep. 3 months is still really little AND she might be going through a growth spurt now or soon (or just go through one) so her needs will change a bit from that.
My best advice? Snuggle. She won't need you to help her sleep forever but for now, she does. Just help her along while she's little and she'll have more confidence later on when she begins to learn how to get to sleep on her own.
((HUGS))
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Ann
SAHM to 4 beautiful children Lauren ('90), Nicole ('92), Robert ('00) and Joanna ('02) and wife to Bob for 23 years.
My girls were with me at bedtime, so we would usually nurse to sleep. If you don't want to go to bed too early, maybe lie down with her until she falls asleep. Hoiwever, at that age my girls would wake up fairly often to nurse anyway. I agree with the Dr. Sears books. And she may just need t go to bed earlier. Perhaps she is overtired?
We do bathtime together, then I nurse my two and a half month old baby to sleep. After she's asleep I hold her for another half hour or so until I feel she's sunk into a deeper part of her sleep cycle, with relaxed hands and a limp body. In the beginning I would pre-warm the cosleeper mattress with a heating pad, then remove the pad and put her down so that the temperature change wasn't disturbing to her. I still swaddle her at night, so I have the blanket all laid out and ready to go. The heating pad is no longer needed. If she cries I pick her up and started over again with the nursing. Sometimes if she only stirs a little I jiggle the cosleeper and sing softly to her until she falls asleep. In the beginning I played a white noise cd but I don't bother with it anymore. Most nights she's out as soon as she's down and sleeps for between 5 and 10 hours at a stretch.
Good luck, I know how exhausting it is!
Anyway, you might try the trick with the heating pad. And you might sleep with her blanket under you for a night, to get your scent on it. That way she's still warm and it still smells like you, so she might not come out of her sleep cycle so easily. I wouldn't CIO because then nighttime becomes associated with fear of abandonment, you know? Maryam never really knows that she's alone for the couple of hours before I come to bed because she doesn't wake up.
I never really noticed any sleeping problems DD. I had her in a sling most of the time, or dh was carrying her. (Slings aren't manly enough he said!) I nursed her everytime she cried. I agree with everyone else, she's still to young to sleep alone. I know you're tired and it can be overwhelming being a first time mom learning everything on your own, but my best advice is just trust you're instinct. If it feels wrong in you're heart to let her cry that long, then don't do it.
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**Christina Maurine Leigh**
~Proud Army wife to Brandon Keith- 7-26-07~
DD- Jordan Ann Maurine- 6-18-07
DS- Nathan Matthew Neil due- 2-17-09
& Dylan (7) 
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