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~Denise~ · 09-11-2003, 07:19 PM

I agree with Margaret. And I remember my kids doing this, and then looking at me. Looking at me, seeing my reaction, to see how I'd react as well. So keep calm. LOL. Distraction is also good here when you can. And like Margaret said, letting her know you HEAR her feelings. "I know you are mad about this, but we can't have more cookies. We can, however, read a story, how about that?"......Or if she wants to go outside, how about an alternative, like hopping on the pillows, etc. Try to think of an option that may be close to what she is asking for. I think also part of it, for me, was making sure I said yes enough. I saw my kids getting madder and more aggravated through the day if they asked for this and that, and always got a no. I really tried hard to make things a yes, and give them control and choices too. Sometimes it was hard! Darn it, it's so much easier to chop carrots when I can use the big knife and do it alone.....but they'd want to help, and I felt like I was saying no for the wrong reasons. Or things like playing play-doh....I admit to saying no cause I knew the mess that came after it, LOL, and knew that was unfair of me. So I'd say yes more, and let them know I'd need help cleaing up after. "Yes, we can get out the play-doh, but you will need to help me clean up afterwards, ok?".....and I'd remind them of that whether it was help in play-doh, wiping the floor after a dish washing session, LOL, or cleaning muddy rain-boots from puddle stomping......(o: I am *not* saying you are saying no too much, or for any wrong reasons.....but I was and did, and sometimes still do. LOL. And need to remind myself of that now and then, and realize how they are feeling. (o: If distraction does not work, and she was to continue to try to hit you, or throw things, I'd ignore her if it was applicable, or I'd pick her up and tell her "I know you are mad, and I am sorry, but we cannot hit, you need to stay in your room until you can stop hitting".....and leave her there. Don't hold the door closed, she may come right out and stop hitting...or maybe not. And you may have to put her back in there over and over as calmly as you can til she realizes you mean it. But many times, this is not needed and can aggravate her....she will already be mad and having trouble expressing those feelings and dealing with those feelings in a "good" way (hard for her age!!!), and adding MORE mad feelings (which placing her in her room will, of course, make her madder) can overwhelm her and she may get really mad and out of control and not hear anything you say.....try and avoid this. I really think making sure she knows you "hear" her, and showing her how to deal with her feelings without telling her a plain "No, don't hit", really helps! I know I also try to make sure my kids see me deal with things. If I order a book and it's not here yet, I will say "Wow, I am really mad that that book is still not here!"...things like that, so they see me acting out appropriately. It's funny, cause as my kids get older, sometimes they say the exact same things as me, sometimes in the right context and sometimes not, LOL.......(o;

Good luck Mama!!!!!!!! Let us know how it goes. (o:

09-11-2003, 07:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
~Denise~ Living life... iTrader: 1 / 100% Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: ...Amongst soccer cleats, dance paws, Polly Pockets and "little" men... Posts: 9,267	I agree with Margaret. And I remember my kids doing this, and then looking at me. Looking at me, seeing my reaction, to see how I'd react as well. So keep calm. LOL. Distraction is also good here when you can. And like Margaret said, letting her know you HEAR her feelings. "I know you are mad about this, but we can't have more cookies. We can, however, read a story, how about that?"......Or if she wants to go outside, how about an alternative, like hopping on the pillows, etc. Try to think of an option that may be close to what she is asking for. I think also part of it, for me, was making sure I said yes enough. I saw my kids getting madder and more aggravated through the day if they asked for this and that, and always got a no. I really tried hard to make things a yes, and give them control and choices too. Sometimes it was hard! Darn it, it's so much easier to chop carrots when I can use the big knife and do it alone.....but they'd want to help, and I felt like I was saying no for the wrong reasons. Or things like playing play-doh....I admit to saying no cause I knew the mess that came after it, LOL, and knew that was unfair of me. So I'd say yes more, and let them know I'd need help cleaing up after. "Yes, we can get out the play-doh, but you will need to help me clean up afterwards, ok?".....and I'd remind them of that whether it was help in play-doh, wiping the floor after a dish washing session, LOL, or cleaning muddy rain-boots from puddle stomping......(o: I am not saying you are saying no too much, or for any wrong reasons.....but I was and did, and sometimes still do. LOL. And need to remind myself of that now and then, and realize how they are feeling. (o: If distraction does not work, and she was to continue to try to hit you, or throw things, I'd ignore her if it was applicable, or I'd pick her up and tell her "I know you are mad, and I am sorry, but we cannot hit, you need to stay in your room until you can stop hitting".....and leave her there. Don't hold the door closed, she may come right out and stop hitting...or maybe not. And you may have to put her back in there over and over as calmly as you can til she realizes you mean it. But many times, this is not needed and can aggravate her....she will already be mad and having trouble expressing those feelings and dealing with those feelings in a "good" way (hard for her age!!!), and adding MORE mad feelings (which placing her in her room will, of course, make her madder) can overwhelm her and she may get really mad and out of control and not hear anything you say.....try and avoid this. I really think making sure she knows you "hear" her, and showing her how to deal with her feelings without telling her a plain "No, don't hit", really helps! I know I also try to make sure my kids see me deal with things. If I order a book and it's not here yet, I will say "Wow, I am really mad that that book is still not here!"...things like that, so they see me acting out appropriately. It's funny, cause as my kids get older, sometimes they say the exact same things as me, sometimes in the right context and sometimes not, LOL.......(o; Good luck Mama!!!!!!!! Let us know how it goes. (o: __________________ "Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity." George Bernard Shaw Sarah...Summer 2006 Chinook Cup!!!...