Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt and you can HAVE it!
In my NSHO, the ages from 11-13 are the absolute WORST of any age--they make the "terrible twos" look like a walk in the park.
OK, now that you are wrapped in my sympathy here is what I suggest after having been through this stage with four daughters (some of whom had a rougher time than others) :
1) Keep reminding yourself how much in love you were with that sweet little newborn. :-)
2) Pick your battles!
3) Write up a contract--with unacceptable behaviors and consequences and both of you sign it--and then always follow through. Um, it may take you and his dad several sessions before you can get past the built-up frustration to a document that will work for your family.
4)When you get to "your" final version, then go over with your son and include some of "his" input to end up with a final contract that all parties "own".
5) Make sure there are some "carrots" in that contract, too--to encourage appropriate behaviors instead of just punishing inappropriate behaviors.
6) Remember that life is rough right now for him, too--and home is where he feels safest "letting go"--so make sure to have some positive, listening time with him when you are both at peace (grab those moments when they come because there may be times when they are very rare).
7) Treasure the occasional glimmers of the adult he will be someday and remind yourself that, the older he gets, the smarter you'll get.
8) Console yourself that HIS kids will return the "favor" someday. (heh, heh, heh)