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I think some strong boundaries need to be in place. Saying something like "There is no hitting in this house of any kind." And leaving it at that.
I agree with Lisha - model, model, model to your cousin. Show her how you react with your children, and let her see the relationship you have with them. I sense WAY more respect between you and your kiddos vs her way of parenting.
Legally, her kids are being neglected. And she is allowing them to abuse each other. I don't know what you could do about that, but do know it is not ok. Do you feel comfortable talking with her or will you receive the same treatment?
Above all, love her. Love her in the way Christ loved all sinners. She doesn't need negativity and judgement, she needs understanding (she sounds overwhelmed and under-educated about parenting) and guidance.
((HUGS)) I am sorry you are dealing with this sticky situation.
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Becky
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