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How about a "cuddle corner?" She can have her quiet time there when she is feeling out of control. Make it soft and fun with lots of pillows, quiet toys, books, crayons....something tactile to engage both sides of the brain.
For the first few times, you may need to accompany her to the corner. Saying something like, "Let's read a book, color a picture, etc...." This is along the lines of what Allison said above about Ara sitting on the couch. Soon, she will start to head there herself when she is feeling out of control.
When things have simmered down, tell her something like, "I feel sad when you choose to hurt Kaya/Emmett. We do not hurt people in our house. We use our words, not our hands. When you feel someone is bothering you, get me because it is your job to have fun and play. It is my job to make sure you are all safe."
Punitive punishments such as timeouts, spankings, etc...damage a child's self-esteem and trust.
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Becky
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