replying in a hurry, so if I sound abrupt it is because I am covered in paint and need to shower so we can go out for my mom's bday.
what I still don't understand, is why the style of worship matters all that much, if you are one step away from walking away from your faith altogether? On one hand you are saying, you are not sure you still believe or in what or how much, on the other hand you are saying their is only one way of worshipping that can be 'right'.
So, my gut instinct, on reading your thread, and I may be way off base, is that you are bound by some religious ideals that may not have anything at all to do with a relationship or belief in God. So maybe, it is less God you are struggling with, and more some of the things you have been taught that may not be truth???