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dh and i have always told our kids that if they are being bullied the first thing to do is to find an adult. if there isn't one available, my kids have the right to defend themselves. we teach that being the bully is unacceptable and that being nice is a much better way to be, but also that strong words "do NOT hit me" and fighting back are also acceptable.
i don't want my kids to hit anyone. i made it through childhood without ever hitting anyone other than my sister. but, i have also made it clear that no one has the right to hurt them.
rebecca, isn't it so much harder to be a mom with kids that are growing? these issues keep getting tougher and tougher.
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