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I just heard a show on this topic recently on the radio and much of what they said made sense. First of all, in a school or similar situation, I think adults should be aware of the problem so that they can be keeping an eye out, step in, keep the child safe. Bullies are definitely smart enough NOT to bully when there are adults around.
What the show said was... you can't really depend on changing other people - in this case the bully. They often don't and can't understand how hurtful their actions are. You can help (empower) your child to change: to grow in assertiveness, self-confidence, having some "tools" to handle certain situations.
And try to help you child connect with kids who aren't bullies. My friend's dd recently had a relatively minor incident on the playground - a group of kids playing and the ringleader wouldn't let her dd join in. I know one of the other kids fairly well - very very sweet girl and not the type to exclude other kids or hurt anyone on purpose. But she didn't have the confidence to stand up to the ringleader and say "Yes she CAN play with us." That's a very important idea to teach our kids - even if you're not the one doing the bullying, if you stand by and don't do anything it's almost as bad. For some kids, all it may take is some role playing and letting them know the right way to handle things so that when they encounter such situations they know how to react. In this case, after my friend talked to the school counselor, they had a little role playing lesson in school to teach some ways to handle these things.
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Ellen
mom to Jenna (16), Andy (14), and Clara (8)
My crazy dd in Wales!
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