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i think one of the big things that irina has gotten me to think about more is whether or not i view the boys as "kids" or as human beings. when tucker has what my mom calls a smart mouth, (its really hard) i try to remember that he is a human being just like me and trying desperately to figure out how to interact in this big world. sometimes he sasses me back and if i think about it, it is usually something i have said to him in the past. its not always the same situation, and usually its something that i am not proud of having said.... but he is just figuring how everything works yk?
i have been trying extra hard to remember that really truly in reality (at least in my mind) there is no reason why i should be the boss. why cant my kids have control over their own lives? i make it my job to be near them and make sure they are safe, which often involves a "hey, can we talk for a minute?" when i think a choice may not have a very positive ending. i very very rarely have found times where i have had to force an issue since trying to view my kids this way. and honestly the times where i have, i probably could go back and do over in a more even way, but either was too tired or stressed or whatever excuse i had at the time.
i hope this doesn't come out wrong, but the idea that i always return to is how i might treat an adult foreign exchange student. doesn't know the customs, knows some of the language, but few of the nuances, trying to get around. if such a person was living in my house and said hey you're a big dumb-a$$ (which is ds1's new favorite phrase btw) i would not scream at them, i would not send them to time out, i would try to respectfully explain why that hurt my feelings, yk?
eta: i always hesitate posting for fear of insulting someone, so i wanted to clarify that my above example of screaming or timeout was not in reference to any previous posters, but rather examples from my own parenting which i am trying to better
Last edited by mamanaturale : 04-07-2007 at 11:19 PM.
Reason: clarifying myself
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