I don't have a teenager yet (though the almost 10 y/o is showing signs
) but in a discussion with a friend that does have a teenage daughter we were talking about "mouthing off" or answering back. Not necessarily back-talking but a "response/answer" to whatever her mother says. That "I know-more-than-you-do attitude. One thing I need to make clear, I guess, is that we live in an orthodox jewish community and the children are taught that answering a parent back is "forbidden". They are allowed to disagree and state the disagreement/problem that they have, but there are "parameters" and having a nasty tone, yelling, publicly embarrassing, etc are not allowed. That being said, I tend to think that teenagers ARE arguementative by virtue of they are trying to find their place in this world and are really over-sized toddlers. (I apologize to any teenagers that read this and are offended!!
But in reality both groups of children are trying to claim their autonomy.)
Also this child/teenager is at the stage of "thinking" she knows everything and is somewhat arguementative with all her siblings. She will pick on them, tease, etc..... to the point where some of them don't "like" her and have had the conversation amongst themselves about "who do you like?" and "who do you hate?".
My BF has the added problem that this is her oldest child and all the rest of her kids (there are 7 - 12,11,9,8,almost 5, and 19 m/o) see how this child talks to her mother (it doesn't happen too often with the father for obvious reasons) and then they try/do the same thing. How does one handle this issue??? Is this a normal issue with teenager girls?? I remember my teen years and actually this dd has kind of a warm place in my heart since she reminds me of myself as a teenager. We were allowed to "act out" at home - not yell or be chutzpah-dik (it's a yiddish word that I'm having a hard time translating but would include being mouthy, having an attitude, etc...) to our parents. Her (the teenager's) mother grew up in a very different home (somewhat abusive father) where no one really acted out/up out of fear.
At any rate what can/should be done to curtail this behavior?? TIA