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Heya. I have an almost 17yo.
She has a myspace account. I have found, and maybe its just me - so take it for what its worth - but I have found that if I tell my daughter she may not do something, she will do everything in her power to do exactly that.
So we don't usually say "you may not"
When she wanted to wear makeup at 14 I agreed - with the stipulation that I help her learn to apply it, help her to buy makeup that suits her and that she put it on before she leaves so I can see how she looks . Many of her friends were told they could NOT wear makeup and would put it on after arriving at school and per my daughter looked like "hoochie clowns". We talked about makeup accentuating the positives, not making you look like a whore.
We work together to find a safe way for her to do the thing she wants to do. For instance she wants to be pierced and tattood. But I don't feel that is a good thing for her to do (either) until she is 18. So we decided that hair color would be a less invasive and certainly less permanent way for her to express her uniqueness and new found gothicity lol. She has had orange hair, atomic pink hair, black hair with a pink streak, black hair with a blonde streak etc.
Henna tattoos were another fun thing. And acrylic nails (she pays for them herself now that she works) with a black stripe on them.
Myspace.
We discussed this at length. We talked about internet predators and pedophiles. We agreed no last name, no location and no sexual content or drug related discussion. She agreed. Her "friends" on myspace are friends from school and work - and from the church teen program. I have her password and can log in if/when I feel the need to check on her or if she gives me reason to worry about her.
To me the issue here is almost one of gentle discipline like we do with our toddlers. As attached parents we talk alot about how we shouldn't set our kids up for failure. Don't take them out hungry or tired, don't put things at arms length and tell them no, etc.
Its the same sometimes with a teen. We can't set them up for failure. We can't tell them NO and expect them not to do it - I think we need to talk to them and find middle ground on some things so they dont' feel like we're holding them back from exploring the world - yet we can still keep them safe.
I think its a set up to tell a teen 'no myspace'. I knew for a fact that all telling my teen that would do is make her want an account there MORE. So we compromised. I've seen her account . I watch it pretty closely actually. I have her permission to do it. Then again - she is almost 17 which is different then 15
I guess the thing is tho is that you DID tell her not to do it, and she disobeyed you. Even tho I think it was a set up you do need to deal with consequences. Natural consequence would be parental filters/controls on the computer or no unsupervised internet time or no internet time for a few weeks /grounding etc.
Does this help at all?
Probably not. I'm rambling
(((hugs))) to you. Raising teens is HARD WORK!!
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