Don't feel bad. I wasn't directing that towards you or anyone else here. I just am coming across more and more that I'd never thought about before. But it's JUST like when you give birth to a baby, all sorts of surprises and new information kwim?
Like I said, I don't hate the name Isaiah, but it doesn't seem to flow well with our last name. I think Alex is a better fit. However, I may FINALLY get to see him and determine that he is in fact an Isaiah after all kiwm?
The reason I was saying I dont know what Im doing anymore is because Im not sure how to feel. I want him to come here, but I dont know how Im going to react if he cant. I want to call him Alex, but I dont want to hurt my Aunts feelings and I dont want to confuse him. I want to start planning and setting things up for him, but I dont know if I could live with having to take it all down and put it all away if he doesnt. So, like I said I just don't know what Im doing anymore. Ive been trying to be hopeful. Trying to have faith. Praying like you wouldn't believe. But doubt sneaks up on me sometimes and then I feel bad, like Im giving up(even though Im not) but you wouldn't think that I'd doubt anything if I truly...I mean TRULY had faith and knew I would fight this until the end. Everyday that passes I feel like Im losing him. I feel like that's another day that we didn't get to bond. Another day that I wonder if he is being loved enough. I get so frustrated and then sad and then doubtful and then I feel guilty like I said. I don't know how some of you have lived this cycle or lived the ups and downs emotionally and are still able to keep it all together. This is the most stressful and most emotionally draining situation I have ever experienced in all of my life. Sorry to ramble. My dh is snoring right now so he is obviously not up for conversation at the moment lol
