I feel the point of attachment parenting is to meet our kids needs in a way that helps them develop into people who can love and live fully.
People who never learn patience, never learn gratitude, never learn to say please -- and mean it -- or thank you -- and mean it -- don't love and live fully.
People who don't get enough sleep can't love and live fully.
People who don't know that setting limits is normal (this much TV, not that much TV) can't love and live fully.
When you teach kids that opportunities are available when the OPPORTUNITY is available -- not when the CHILD is available -- you teach them an important life skill. I don't force my kids to eat when we sit down at the table -- but when the last kid leaves the table I clear the dishes and the meal is over. Milo is really struggling with this lesson lately. If he means to eat -- the eating happens at the meal, or he has to wait. Milo would prefer that the meal stay on the table all day long so that he can nibble at his own pace. (I have nibbling foods, though -- but a full plate of lunch on the table is just an invitation to our smallest dog to go to the Dark Side if you know what I mean.)
Bedtime is when I say it is and not later. This is tough when you first implement it but it gets easier -- waking time starts to occur around the same time and naps at the same time. Suddenly people in the house all seem more chipper and better behaved
I had a friend who only ate what her kids left on her plate. She considered herself a diehard feminist and yet in her family she was teaching her sons that boys sit at the table and get a real meal and women don't sit at the table and eat the left overs.
Being AP isn't being permissive and isn't about putting the mother last. EVER. The magic in AP isn't in what we let our kids "get away with" but in our willingness to see what they need and be willing to go the extra mile to get it.
YOU see that your kids need structure and discipline (discipline: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character OR orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior) -- way to go mom! So many parents -- AP and non-AP -- miss that message. Now sit down with your husband and sketch out a plan for how to make that structure. Remember it doesn't matter how *I* do it -- it has to work for your family. Lord knows I struggled with this with my firstborn. It's been much easier since we went to homeschooling and we got to practice all day long
It's easier with the younger two also since I did learn a thing or two with number one
It will get easier for you, too, as you put your plans into action.