Congratulations Amy
!!!
It was really rough for us too. I was so lame and did not even talk about mommy going to have baby at the hospital...I only talked about the home option.
I brought home a very colicky high needs baby which was /is so very challenging for all.
Give her time. Her whole world has been turned upside down. And yes, it was very rude for her first nights away from you to be rewarded with a baby...iykwim. You have not ruined her life, but it makes it harder. Yes...be very verbal to her...talk out loud about everything that you do...just as the above posters stated. Even if Veronica seems like she is ingnoring you-believe me-she hears every little word that you say. You will hear the positive stuff repeated back to you in the future and you will be shocked.
Veronica is no longer an only child. She will get used to it-k? It may be rough, but you sound like such concientous parents you will do really well. It may not seem like it at the time, though-lol!
Be kind to her, but also keep setting the limits. I had to resort to timeouts for my older dd for not being gentle with the baby. Just 2 minutes in a chair with a wind up timer....I followed Dr. Sears discipline book. Another thing I do if dd is rough with anyone is-I tell her that is not OK...and then for example if she has hit dh-I turn to dh and say"Are you OK? Can I give you a kiss? Did Leah hurt you?" And I pretty much pay no attention to dd. It takes the attention off of the offender-and puts all of the attention on the one who has been 'hurt' Helps break her cycle of trying to get negative attention. If you decide to do timeouts...and she resists them...there is info about that in the Discipline book...
My biggest word of advice...please do not ignore baby to pay extra attention to Veronica. I don't know how to explain this well...but the reality is that baby needs are high...andthat is OK.
Some time every day just you and Veronica would be great. Just snuggling in bed together or something like that. I didn't get to do enough of it cuz dd#2 is so colicky. The best I could do most days was read to Leah when I was nursing Aidra. That is a nice time for us.
2 books that we love are
"what Baby Needs" by Dr Sears a book to read to Veronica about what happens in a family when a new baby is integrating in...
"Julius the Baby of the World" by Menke-this is a really sweet book...about a baby invading a little girls life and how she can't stand hiim at first, but comes to love him so much. It is really great.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AMY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}