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Would you try to return this cat to the shelter so he can be happy in a home with no children or would you keep him because your kids want to? I'm also afraid if we return him to the shelter they will not let us get another cat.
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Shelters are not rescues. And yes, most shelters (and to be honest good shelters) would not let you take an animal after dropping one off for a set amount of time (our shelter has it set at ninety days). Don't just "get rid" of the cat; give it to a rescue and see if they have a child friendly cat. If you call a rescue and say I just brought my cat to the shelter and we want to adopt a sweeter one, no rescue will adopt a cat to you.
Is there a way to make him play with the kids?
I really doubt there is because you are talking about a cat, not a dog. For the sake of the cat's needs, not just your family's, bringing tha cat to a rescue would be a good thing; just don't take it back to the shelter. Also if you adopt from a rescue, they can let you know what the cat's personality will be after it warms up which can take 6 months or more depending on how that cat handles stresses in its life. Although it will be a stress on your current cat to find it a better home through a rescue, it will be way less stress than returning it to the shelter where it may be put down and some shelters might even do that as soon as you brought the cat back because your reason for returning the cat will deem it "unadoptable".
Jenn