What are some unique "punishments" you've heard of or used?

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by Redterra, Apr 6, 2007.

  1. sweet~potato

    sweet~potato Active Member

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    Same here. When my ds gets my blood boiling, I *need* that time alone for a few minutes, so I can calm down and be the kind of parent I want to be.

    Another one I do when ds seems to have waaay to much energy and can't calm down on his own is to have him run laps around the house. Like I'll say "Hey, I bet you can't run around the house 3 times before I'm done folding these clothes." He can't resist a challenge.;)
  2. MotherMoon

    MotherMoon Super Crunch in AL

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    My children feel very isolated if I do this. Instead, I let them know I need a time out and I go to my room. They usually follow but just the two minutes I get and the change of scenery helps so much.

    We are also a home that does not use punishment for the most part. DH is working on it. He initially wanted to spank. Then he went to a penny on the wall with the nose. Now he is doing better with talking and redirecting. He has a lot of trouble handling noise. I have the list Irina posted on my fridge.
  3. Tara62

    Tara62 New Member

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    I have never used this, but I read in a book how a child was punished by eating a mouthful of salt. Blech!

    Once I tried making my daughter write out chapters from a book, usually something that I thought she'd like reading anyway, I figured at least she'd read it, right? then she started enjoying that and it wasn't a punishment!

    I really like a lot of the ideas in this thread. I'm bookmarking this!
  4. heythereheather

    heythereheather A reading family

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    I was punished (humiliated) at school that way once. It was kind of a natural consequence, but it was still awful. Mind you, I was a good kid, and I really wanted to make everyone happy. Anyway, there was this cool trick (we all thought) that if you put the broth from the chicken noodle soup on your lunch tray, and then dumped a bunch of salt in it, it turned the tray purple. We did it every time we had chicken noodle soup. One week I did it, and the teacher in charge of the lunchroom that day saw me doing it, came over and yelled at us, then made me eat it. :( I guess I never did it again, but that feeling is not something I'd ever like to force on my children.

    (I also put myself on a time out if what I need is time to cool off. But sometimes Erik really does need some "alone time" in order to regroup. He's pretty good in that he normally recognizes it himself and goes to his room, but if he doesn't, I will prod him that way gently, "Erik, do you need a little alone time in your room listening to a book?")
  5. ~Meeshi~

    ~Meeshi~ Also Known As Michelle

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    Irina, I really like some of things you posted, but I have a question. I know you have posted (I don't think it was here, I think it was over at Mothering.com that you struggle with your daughter giving you attitude and sass a lot. Do you think there is any connection? I know, personally, when J and I lower our expectations of appropriate behaivor or ignore things, then we find that our girls will push a little further with their attitudes. I feel like if we made our girls our equals as far as calling the shots (as it is with Nico at her Mom's house) then we would have a lot more struggles in guiding them to act appropriately without a 'tude. How does it work, being a parent without being "the boss" but being equals?

    Back to the OP, when my girls are getting snippy with one another, we separate them. And, no matter how much they were getting on each others nerves, as soon as we say they cannot hang out together, it seems as if there is nothing that they want more. *lol*
  6. SmartyMama

    SmartyMama New Member

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    from Irina's list I would like to know more about the option of "Use restitution".

    in our home, if I ask someone to "please pick that up" and they reply "I didn't do it! Why do I have to pick it up?!" I say "you passed the buck, so you owe me one dollar." So far, I have collected $4 in a year, so it's been a helpful policy.

    Is this what "use restitution" means?
  7. Lisamomof5

    Lisamomof5 Active Member

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    I like and already use a lot of Irina's list. But (isn't there always a but??) we've had a problem lately with Reid being mean to his little sister Lauryn. We now have an agreement - if he's mean to Lauryn (and he knows what that 'means') he and Lauryn will have a tea party together.

    This has worked incredibly well. :)
  8. ~Meeshi~

    ~Meeshi~ Also Known As Michelle

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    I got my Mothering rights revoked, I think, because I can't get onto that site at all since I directed my Due Date Club Mamas to come over here once they removed our Aug. 2006 board. I can't remember exactly, and it may have very well been another Irina with a daughter and older son. I could have sworn it was you, though. I remember posts about her telling people to stop talking and telling you that XXX and YYY were all *your* fault and acting like the boss of things. General bad attitude things.

    Not to focus on just you, though, because I have seen some of the same things in Nico at her Moms. She tends to follow some of things of that list you gave such as "Leave it up to your child, say yes as much as possible, giving in, ignoring behavior" and then things escalate until Nico starts being demanding and porky.

    Like I said, I do agree with many of the things on that list. I just wonder if some of them might make things harder in the long run.
  9. Redterra

    Redterra Just me, doing my best

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    I also like Irina's posted list... and "discipline" is a much better word... that's why I put "punishment" in quotes at the start of this thread... punishment was the first thing that came to mind and I dind't invoke my inner thesaurus.

    I think much of Irina's list fits under discipline - b/c discipline is what we all do - even inadvertantly, by our examples. I think a lot of our unique discipline choices fit easily within Irina's list - b/c we're not focused so much on punishing, but using alternative situations to teach our children how to treat other people with respect and how to be responsible.
  10. elfmaker

    elfmaker mama to boys

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    for some resason i hate the words discipline and punish about the same. my goal is to generate cooperation and compassion..............there are many phrases my children ABSOLTUELY are not allowed to use. (some the have resently been trying out after a visit with friends)

    These include:

    That's mine
    I had it first
    I didn't take it out/have it last/ect...
    He started it
    ect......

    To me all these phrases and what is behind them is the feeling that it is okay to be selfish and self centered. And if my children attempt to use these phrase I simple say, "Ask for what you want" or I repeat what i want them to do --such as clsoe the door. I want my children to be responsible for their actions and considerate and compassionate with others.

    ............as for some crazy punishment story---EXFIL use to make his kids stand facing the wall with there hands held over their heads and smack their knuckles with a bamboo rod.:eyes:
  11. oceana

    oceana New Member

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    I tend to put things into "time out" rather than kids.... if my kids are fighting over something that something is the issue rather than the kids... if my 3 year old hits my 1 year old with a bat... it is my downfall for allowing them to have a bat in the house.

    I do typically explain... I am putting the bat in time out because you hit your brother. You need to apologize for hitting him because he is hurt. I am sorry I gave you such a dangerous toy...
  12. ChantingMama

    ChantingMama The Divine Miss M

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    I agree that yes, it would be your responsibility to make sure the bat wasn't in the house if there were a possibility of it being used like that. But my personal feeling about letting them know you are taking responsibility for it being there, is that eventually, in the future, they will have this ingrained feeling that somebody else shouldn't have been there/put that there/made that available/whatever...that if *somebody else* hadn't been at fault, that temptation wouldn't have been in their way, or their inattentiveness or carelessness wouldn't have resulted in that disaster or tragedy. The onus on them to own up to their own mistakes is gone. I see it in my own children, having done it, and now that they are older, I am SERIOUSLY regretting it, esp in my boy. I am having to retrain him, that HE has to take responsibility for his own actions...it is NOT always someone else's fault that something happened because of xyz.

    JMHO, and I would love to hear of this working better than it has for me, in older children and adult children. Because so far, I am not happy with what I am seeing. And I see it in society in general, this attitude that it is always someone else's fault, and I think it is a BAD direction we have taken.
  13. mamanaturale

    mamanaturale New Member

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    i think one of the big things that irina has gotten me to think about more is whether or not i view the boys as "kids" or as human beings. when tucker has what my mom calls a smart mouth, (its really hard) i try to remember that he is a human being just like me and trying desperately to figure out how to interact in this big world. sometimes he sasses me back and if i think about it, it is usually something i have said to him in the past. its not always the same situation, and usually its something that i am not proud of having said.... but he is just figuring how everything works yk?
    i have been trying extra hard to remember that really truly in reality (at least in my mind) there is no reason why i should be the boss. why cant my kids have control over their own lives? i make it my job to be near them and make sure they are safe, which often involves a "hey, can we talk for a minute?" when i think a choice may not have a very positive ending. i very very rarely have found times where i have had to force an issue since trying to view my kids this way. and honestly the times where i have, i probably could go back and do over in a more even way, but either was too tired or stressed or whatever excuse i had at the time.
    i hope this doesn't come out wrong, but the idea that i always return to is how i might treat an adult foreign exchange student. doesn't know the customs, knows some of the language, but few of the nuances, trying to get around. if such a person was living in my house and said hey you're a big dumb-a$$ (which is ds1's new favorite phrase btw) i would not scream at them, i would not send them to time out, i would try to respectfully explain why that hurt my feelings, yk?

    eta: i always hesitate posting for fear of insulting someone, so i wanted to clarify that my above example of screaming or timeout was not in reference to any previous posters, but rather examples from my own parenting which i am trying to better
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2007
  14. SmartyMama

    SmartyMama New Member

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    I don't know that I agree with taking responsibility for my children's actions. If my teen sneaks out, I am not going to blame myself for not nailing the window shut. I try not to give my kids any reason to defy me-by telling them *why* I have made the decision I have made. Or at the very least, having an open enough relationship with me that they can tell my they want to go out instead of sneaking out. (this is just hypothetical btw)

    as far as not being the boss of my kids-that is not something I would do here either. When my kids say things like "that teacher does not like me, and I don't like him" I remind them that there will always be someone in their life that they don't get along with. Just as there will probably be someone who is your boss. My husband tells my teenage son all of the time "even though I am *A* boss, I *have* a boss-you're always accountable to someone" when he complains about adults infringing on his rights.

    Now, I have three teens, a tween and two Little's. So far, the biggest issue we have had revolves around the kids not being responsible for themselves and being proactive in their lives. I may have a different perspective because I lost my mother when I was young-but I want my children to be able to function without me reminding them to do everything. My teens are pretty good about it, my tween struggles in school. She's a free spirit and tends to follow her own time table. My Little's are still too little to tell :)

    Overall, for a large, blended family, we don't have a whole lot of turmoil. I respect my children and I expect them to respect me. When they say something I don't like I remind them that they should not say anything to me that they would not say to a judge or police officer. That usually makes them pause and rephrase. Really, I have great kids.
  15. Jenn

    Jenn New Member

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    so what if you have an only...no fightin with siblings...just flat out disobeying you...how many times can "oh I forgot" o "I thought you said yes"or " I lost track of time" be 'ignored' before some PUNISHMENT comes into play?!
  16. ~Meeshi~

    ~Meeshi~ Also Known As Michelle

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    Irina, either that is not the post I was thinking of or there was more to it. I remember something about screaming at people to "Stop talking!" and I remember that because Nico had a stint of telling her Mama the same thing...

    Anyway, like I said, it was not a point to single you out. I just saw some similarities in the way I remember you describing your DD and the attitude Nico tends to give her Mama at her house where things are overlooked and a lot more lenient than they are here.

    Obviously, I do not claim that there is a right or wrong way to raise your kids. And there are 10,000 different variables in the way kids act. I have just seen attitudes I am not comfortable with come from situations where parents try to be equals with their kids and wondered if anyone thought there might be a correlation between letting your kids "get away" with certain things and the kids giving a 'tude more often. I'm a ponderer. So, I'm just pondering here instead of in my head. :)

    I love ya and respect you, Irina, so I hope you don't feel on the defensive.
  17. oceana

    oceana New Member

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    I guess I could have gone into more detail. my kids are only 1 and 3 so only so much responsibility vs resonable expectation ya know... a 3 year old will swing a bat and doesnt know to check for the baby brother.

    When an object comes out of time out we usually discuss its use and its dangers... clearly at this point not too many things can go out of time out without someone being too young for the responsibility

    now if my 3 year old punches my 1 year old it is a different ball game and he is expected to take responsibility for his actions apologizing to his brother... kissing and making better the place he hurt. Helping his brother feel better and sacrificing whatever he needs to to be it his own play time or the toy being fought over to make up for the situation ease the pain and gain forgivness. Perhaps even getting the young one a glass of some water or something... my kids are young so our punishments are very light...

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