Upset and embarrassed, temper tantrum in public.

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by mizmichelle73, Jan 29, 2006.

  1. twiceasgood

    twiceasgood New Member

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    My ten year old dd was notorious for doing this type of thing at Wal-Mart or Target. The first time it happened she was right at 2 years old and I took her to Target to let her pick out her own panties since she was starting to use the potty. Well, we passed the toys and she wigged cuz I wouldn't get her something and slapped me, I was appalled b/c it was very out of character. We just had to leave our cart and go home. I was mortified because I guess I'd never given any attention to other peoles kids and had never seen anything like this. I didn't realize it was going to progressively get worse for me, LOL. Once in Wal-Mart dd (3) was pissed at me about having her ride in the cart (she was bad about running away and Foster was an infant) and she was kicking and screaming saying "somebody save me from this woman", the lady at the jewelry counter asked if she was my child. I said to her "Really, who would take a child that was going to draw so much attention and assured her that I was her mother. This too shall pass. DD never draws attention to herself in public anymore.
  2. Mama2miracles

    Mama2miracles Active Member

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    I've had that happen WAY more than once - often with maddy and Melissa is was food allergy/sensitivity related OR being hungry or tired. When I HAVE to be somewhere and can't leave I just try to ignore it. But even if I can - I will leave the store even if it's just to take them to the car - strap them into the carseat and drive around for a few minutes. A lot of times - I've found they will go to sleep and I can go through a starbucks drive-through or something and just sit in the car for a while and let them nap. Then go back into the store later. But I've also been in the checkout WITH a cart of stuff and just embarassed to death with a screaming tantrumming kid.
    Though I think my actually WORST - was TWO tantrumming toddlers (Melissa and Michael) with baby maddy screaming because they were screaming. That was horrible.
  3. joyfuljourneys

    joyfuljourneys seeking myself

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    Oh yeahhhhhh..totally worked with my now 10 yr old. (He now throws bigger more sophisticated fits in the privacy of his room), When young, I would totally encourage him to improve his technique, make it louder, play along if we were at home (scream and stomp my feet along with him)..

    I remember we were in the grocery store one day, he must have been about 3 1/2, and was throwing a huge fit for a reason I don't remember. He was in the cart screaming at the top of his lungs, so I took him out and set him on the floor and told him "If you are going to throw a fit in the grocery store you might as well make a really good one,,kick your feet, lay on the floor, yell louder..go ahead"..and he sort of tried for a minute (it looses it allure if mom is coaching)
    but the best part was these two college aged girls turned the corner just then and just stopped in their tracks, eyes wide. I smiled at them and said "don't forget your birth control girls!" and they ran away..lol!

    Anyway, I think as a mom it was hardest to get over the feeling of being judged by my childrens behavior. To a point I get it(if my children were really rude I would expect it to reflect upon me), but if my child is acting out or behaving inappropriately, there is no way I am going to pacify them or not address the behavior just because we are in public. I would hope that at some point they become more embarassed than I do..which is how it should be. (but then again, by child #3, I don't care what he wants to wear if it is weather appropriate, if he is Batman for Sunday school, at least he has clothes on, you know? so you do sort of grow into it,,with my oldest she always had to match, always had to look good/behave because of what it said about me)

    I have had a number of people (often older and wiser) tell me that they wish more parents did what I was doing..I think it is too easy to get in the cycle of giving in or whatever, to get the behavior to stop at that moment, but in the end reinforcing that behavior and providing the outcome they want..
  4. lassie

    lassie Happy Potty

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    YES! This was very hard for me. I also was painfully shy growing up (I still don't love to be the center of attn.) so it was hard for *me* to have everyone staring at us. It took awhile before I learned how to tune everyone else out, and deal with my daughter. I learned that dealing with her behavior and the feelings behind it was much more important than how I "look as a mom". That's been a hard one for me.
  5. Mama2HoneyBears

    Mama2HoneyBears Home, Home on the Range..

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    Ah yes......I have wonderful memories (NOT!!) of this.....people looking at me like I should calm my child and me just pretending she wasn't screaming and yelling 3" away from me. I feel your pain.
  6. mizmichelle73

    mizmichelle73 New Member

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    Thank you for all of your replies. It really does help to know I'm not alone.

    I did get a chance to talk to DD yesterday after dinner. I asked her if she just got too tired and she answered immediately, yes.

    Some of you suggested leaving temporarily and then coming back. I hadn't even thought of that and if this happens again, I will try that. I am glad I didn't cave and give her what she wanted. I know that would have rewarded her behavior.

    The person who gave me the worst looks was the girl at the cash register. She was young and obviously didn't have children. One woman in the parking lot was very nice and reminded me that they do grow up eventually.

    Thanks again!!!!
  7. Mamax4

    Mamax4 Amity's Focus Member

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    This has happened to most of us. I think you did the best thing. Kept her safe, kept your wits about you, and quickly finished what you needed to finish.

    I would have smiled at you, I swear. I am always all over people who are not smacking their kids. People must understand that children do have meltdowns at times. You will never see any of those people again and you did right by your child. You might also pretend that those stres might have been stares of sympathy and some people didn't want to say anything. At elast they didn;t say anything bad, right? lol And sometimes people do say mean things to parents of small children.

    These things happen and all we can do is try and forget about them. lol Try as we all might, sometimes kids do get tired and hungry no matter how hard much we keep up.

    You don't wanna know the tantrums one of my children used to have. The Highly Sensitive One. :p I rarely thought I was a bad mother- having had other not Highly Sensitive children I knew from crappy parenting and challenging (and tired) children.

    Stop beating yourself up and pat yourself on the back for handling the situation calmly and maturely.
  8. J3

    J3 Deadhead mama of girls

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    I think you did well! It's extra challenging when you have social anxiety issues.
  9. sagira

    sagira New Member

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    I feel for you. It's very hard in those situations. I've had that happen to me too, my ds is two. My son doesn't understand this much yet, but you could try the following:

    In case you run into that at the store again. Before you go to the store, talk to her and tell her she may choose one item under $10 (whatever your budget allows). Anything she really likes that's above that amount she will have to put on the "wish list".

    Then she gets to pick something out that fits your budget and nobody gets disappointed. And it educational.

    Good luck next time,

    Carolyn
  10. DixieChick

    DixieChick One Hot Mama!

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    Happens to every mom, at least every mom I know. You handled it just fine. You stood your ground, finished your trip as quickly as possible and left. You kept her safe and you kept your cool.

    When I see moms in your situation, I walk to them and say,"You are doing a great job. would you like me to help you out in any way?" I've been there. I understand.
  11. Christi

    Christi Perpetually NAK'ing

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    What an amazing post, Astoria! Amen to all of it. Letting go of the embarrassment has been my biggest struggle.
  12. Maura

    Maura Gene Genie

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    I have been told to give 2 choices between two items I have picked...of course, my child would be the one to go for curtain # 3:)
  13. desertbolands

    desertbolands New Member

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    me too! nak. my son Peter, is like that. rarely does the illusion of choice work for him. My daughter isn't always swayed by that either. At best, at least they know what they want and have tremendous drive to get it. But the brunt of it is, this leaves me scrambling and spins my days out of "the norm of control." Yeah, right now we're struggling...and trying to find other then the usual parenting advice too.

    Need more imagination on my part, but my thought meter is pegged, so I hear you.
  14. TeresaLock

    TeresaLock Active Member

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    Sounds like a rough day:( I would have taken them outside until they calmed down. I personally understand can't stay a screaming kid in the store, but totally understand not giving in:) Good luck

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