I am making progress in some ways but the big issues are not clearing at all. As I was working through the decluttering Emofree post I stopped to read up on reversals. I am convinced that I am stuck in reversals. As I begin working on identifying them I am not getting strong clarity. I think I will use this place to help work them out. Why don't I want to get them cleared? That very question taps into significant shame and anger. I don't really want to get into the issues that could be causing the reversal because of the shame issue but then if I don't do it here I might not do it at all. I definitely have a pervasive negative attitude, this low level anger and self pity. I think that there are several reversal issues and that most of them come from early childhood. That is part of the shame - when I put them into words they are so very childish - So much so that I can't even follow through here. I'm going to try again later. ***** I notice that I have similar thoughts and feelings about both of my parents from childhood. The same words apply to both but the dynamic was different. I think part of the reversal has to do with the longing to have my mother and my father to connect with me but each of them would be critical and severely shaming for different reasons. Not functioning well has a tennacle in the longing for my mother to care for me and about me. As a grown person I have enormous shame about this need and longing that emminates from such an early life experience. With each of my parents they actually would be terribly critical and shaming if I did not do something well AND if I did something particularly well. They were both terribly threatened by any type of success and sought in different ways to destroy that. So the reversal is related both to the need for parenting and help and the fear of the shaming from being successful - not deserving is a HUGE issue for me. It is a 10 without doubt.