uncovering reversals

Discussion in 'EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique' started by Percy's Mom, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I am making progress in some ways but the big issues are not clearing at all. As I was working through the decluttering Emofree post I stopped to read up on reversals. I am convinced that I am stuck in reversals.

    As I begin working on identifying them I am not getting strong clarity.

    I think I will use this place to help work them out.

    Why don't I want to get them cleared?
    That very question taps into significant shame and anger. I don't really want to get into the issues that could be causing the reversal because of the shame issue but then if I don't do it here I might not do it at all.

    I definitely have a pervasive negative attitude, this low level anger and self pity. I think that there are several reversal issues and that most of them come from early childhood. That is part of the shame - when I put them into words they are so very childish -

    So much so that I can't even follow through here. I'm going to try again later.

    *****
    I notice that I have similar thoughts and feelings about both of my parents from childhood. The same words apply to both but the dynamic was different. I think part of the reversal has to do with the longing to have my mother and my father to connect with me but each of them would be critical and severely shaming for different reasons.

    Not functioning well has a tennacle in the longing for my mother to care for me and about me. As a grown person I have enormous shame about this need and longing that emminates from such an early life experience. With each of my parents they actually would be terribly critical and shaming if I did not do something well AND if I did something particularly well. They were both terribly threatened by any type of success and sought in different ways to destroy that. So the reversal is related both to the need for parenting and help and the fear of the shaming from being successful - not deserving is a HUGE issue for me. It is a 10 without doubt.
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
  2. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

    Messages:
    5,268
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    For PR's.

    You are Reversed on something is you WANT something but don't have it. I.e. want to loose weight but are still 100 pounds over weight. The weight serves a purpose.
    So imagine yourself with the desired outcome.
    What is scary about that?
    Do you even recognizse yourself?(identity)
    IS it comfortable?
    What is uncomfortable

    Example...want lots more money, but when you imagine all that money...do you imagine people wanting money from you? Do you know how to manage lots of money? Etc...
    Even though it is not safe to get over this________________
    Even though I don't deserve to get over this
    Even though I don't know how I will be if I am no longer (anxious or angry)
    Even though I don't know how to act if I get over___________
    Even though I don't want to fogive people who have ruined my life
    Even though I don't have permission to get over this
    Even though I won't have an excuse for my life being messed up if I get over this!

    are some of the set ups you can use..or tap on them and see which one goes
    'ding ding ding' :)

    HTH!
  3. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you Linda - This must be my first priority. I am fairly certain I know what some of these are. Much shame and pain associated with them.

    I discussed part of it with my therapist yesterday. It is complex. I think I will spend some more time later trying to write about it. That will help me sort out my thoughts and perhaps my feelings -
  4. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Still trying to answer the question "what is scary" about letting go of this paralysis.

    The Tap for Power affirmation touches a charge in the lines about being small.

    As a child, I did not want to be successful at anything because it meant that I would be belittled and berated and chastised. All of that meant that I would be left out and rejected and ignored. BUT being ignored and neglected, as bad as they were, were better than being the center of attention which was only costly and never good.

    I definitely feel the double bind - the no win.

    So when I look at the question, "what is scary?" I say being ridiculed and humiliated is scary!!! And my reasoning mind answers back, "But so is being a failure and self-rejection." It all feels no win and no way out.

    No way to get out until I get some money but no money until I get out of the bound up .... Each aspect feels like no way out until I get _____ but no way to get ____ until I get out.
  5. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I have been tapping, tapping, tapping for several straight days. No sign of shifting in sight ... until ... finally.

    I came across a banter on another forum about synchronicity and had a sense that synchronicity would intervene on my behalf. I think it did.

    After that I came across these words from Linda.

    "The absolute essence of parenting is being able 2 step outside of your own emotional discomfort in order to meet your child at his level of emotional discomfort.

    EFT helps. Also knowing that there is no good or bad about the situation, it just *is*. And there is *nothing* you have 'to do' except just be present for them until they 'regulate themselves'. It takes practice...But I am so much more successful at this ideal that I used to be:)

    When you seek to change your child, look within yourself first to see what it is in you that needs to be changed."

    Those may be the most profound words about parenting that I have ever read. I have known that my emotional discomfort got in the way of my parenting. I've also known that some of my child's irritating actions/habits seems more like reflections of my own irritating actions/habits. But the way those concepts are put by Linda generated a gentle shift that subtly shook things up.

    To be present until my child regulates himself allows me to let go of feeling so out of control when he resists my guidance. As soon as I let go of my fear and frustration something shifts for my inner child. That may only make sense to me.

    Tomorrow I'll see how significant the results are.
  6. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    As I continue tapping on this overflowing river of rejection and condemnation I realize that tapping brings me into the full of it and the experience of it is much like sticking my finger in the socket rather than just remembering what it felt like to stick my finger in there.

    Living in the repressed portion is like holding the waters back with sacks of sand - the pressure is there and mounting but tapping is like being knocked over and swept away by the current of water breaking through and destroying the walls of repression.

    It doesn't feel like relief but like being lost in the raging waters.

    I'm tapping anyway believing that the waters will eventually calm and leave me on a safe shore. I'm putting aside my fears of drowning though it is not easy.

    Wish I did not have to do it alone.
  7. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Parenting out of love rather than fear is allowing me to reparent my little girl out of love rather than fear.

    Perhaps that is what is allowing me the courage to let go of stacking bags against the raging waters and "going with the flow" to quieter shores. It is very scary but fighting against the force of raging waters is futile. I can't hold my ground here any longer. I hope the shores I land on are friendly.

    Wondering why I want to hold onto these ravaged banks - for what? I don't know. Maybe just the familiar - not sure. Got to go. See you all at the end of the storm.
  8. Natalia

    Natalia New Member

    Messages:
    1,160
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I love your post! There is always a calm and peaceful place after the rapids.
  9. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Natalia. I always love the encouragement. I also like the metaphor "the rapids". I have noticed that when I am dealing with a significant issue the "rapids" seem to be especially BIG.
  10. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Yesterday I was introduced to Eckhart Tolle's concept of pain body. I have begun to see how these reversals are something like a black hole with a powerful negative charge.

    As I cleared away some issues or some clutter the negative charge would undo all the work in a relative short order. The phrases "not enough", "insufficient", "not good enough" kept coming up out of my memory. I could actually feel myself cowering in a corner, trying to avoid the castigation.

    As I write, I am seeing that as I work on clearing some issues with EFT or some clutter at home (physical or emotional) what happens when I clear some space is that the clutter rebounds almost organically and expands, grows larger. Hopeless. Working at the target actually generates the opposite effect. Better to go hide in a corner.

    This phrase from the Prosperity Affirmation has been looming large for me this week. "The overflowing power of God life energy overcomes
    every obstacle." I began tapping on it all by itself yesterday and this morning. I believe that has helped me see how this reversal has been operating and has been all consuming for me. I think the power of this phrase has also given me the confidence to face these powerful demons, negative forces.

    What was the fear, the benefit of not clearing the clutter? The benefit was that the clutter, shame, darkness, negativity did not grow larger.

    I never would have seen that without the tapping. That is pretty huge.

    I have made some very tiny progress in clearing physical clutter this morning but I won't worry about that. I will keep tapping on this "overcoming obstacles" phrase and clearing the reversal.
  11. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I found this on Emofree. The "comment" is by David Lake MD and the article was included by Gary.

    ECKHART TOLLE: “If you cannot accept …the external condition (what is)…then accept what is inside…do not resist the pain…allow it to be there…surrender to whatever form the suffering takes…witness it…embrace it. Full attention is full acceptance”.

    COMMENT: Applying EFT to whatever suffering your attention embraces is a powerful healing.

    ***
    I am aware of significant resistance. Avoidance and resistance are joined hand in hand with me. Just keep tapping, tapping, tapping.
  12. Natalia

    Natalia New Member

    Messages:
    1,160
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Your posts are so incredible. It feels like you are making break-throughs every day.
  13. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

    Messages:
    5,268
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Tap and think about a time that you wanted your mother to care for you and she did not. 9I realise there are many, but what comes to mind right now?!)
    Tap on your Karate chop..or through the points and what comes up? An imagine on a movie screen? How old are you? what is going on in the scene? Go into the scene as the Adult you and do the inner child/Matrix work on the incident.

    Then ask the ECHO if there is another incident she can take you to...and follow her. Remember to reintegrate her at the end when you are both ready. Ask her if she is ready to reintegrate...and do what we have done together...hugging her bringing her to the present. And here is some wording that you can use that is really nice:)
    “I want you to imagine bringing her (him) back inside of you”

    Eye Brow: “And begin to reconnect”.

    Side of the Eye: “And have that sense of connection, beginning to get that sense of wholeness”.

    Under the Eye: “As you begin to take on board all those wonderful learnings from that younger you”.

    Under the nose: “And have access to all of those wonderful resources”.

    Chin: “You can begin to sense that feeling of wholeness, oneness in a beautiful way”

    Collar Bone: “And as you do that you can re-integrate all of those learning and put them in just the right place”.

    Under the Arm: “So that you can access them whenever you need to access them”

    Top of the Head: “Feeling those wonderful feelings now and keeping those feelings with you”
  14. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you Linda.

    I have so much to say in reply. Before I do, I want to share this link with my friends here. It is a beautiful song sung by a choral group from Stanford. I heard them sing this song at Martin Luther King's Ebenezer Baptist Church yesterday and was deeply moved. I think you will be too.

    YouTube - Hosanna - Stanford Talisman Gala 2009

    There are two other versions of this same song on YouTube. One by this same group in South Africa a year ago in March 2008 and the other by a Soweto group. Each one of these versions is powerful in their own way though the song is the same in each case.

    About this reversal and communicating with that ECHO.
    I talked to her today. She was 10 and had had a deeply disappointing experience with a conversation with her mother, one she had thought about and planned on initiating for a couple of months. Time is limited now. I'll tell the story later.

    But my ECHO was very angry about her mother's reaction. Her anger was her only power and she was not willing to let it go at that time.

    The fascinating thing when I first tapped into my ECHO was that I FELT, in real time, the feeling in her gut. IT IS THE VERY FEELING that I am experiencing when I get stuck!

    I am out of time - so frustrated. I really wanted to get this written this morning. I so hope to be able to access it when I have time a little later on.

    OK - back
    I realize I cannot tell the story. Not for any reason other than the power of it and the significance of it is lost in the mundaneness and becomes trivialized in the telling. But the ECHO went to her mother asking for permission and the mother dismissed her derisively and causticly. But the dismissal was more than for the moment, it was a dismissal of epic portion. It was a dismissal of her very mothering, nurturing, teaching, leading, guiding, loving role. It was a flicking off of a pesky fly but that fly was her only daughter.

    In that instant she traded in her maternal role for that of a cruel, teacher. But even a cruel teacher only reigns 35 hours/week for 9 months and think of what damage she/he can do. But this inhumane being's role lasted a lifetime. Far too much damage just for being inconvenienced to be a mother.

    So the ECHO is angry and wants to hold on to her anger because giving it up feels to her that it is giving up her entire being. She will let me hold her but she does not yet want me to tap. I will try again later.
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2009
  15. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    my post from another forum

    Ready at long, long last to pull my life together. It has been too long and too dark. I have done much preliminary work to prepare myself. I didn't know it was preparation, I thought it was the work.

    My preparation has been two-fold: unearthing the origins of my deep, paralyzing psychic pain and identifying and opening up to the source of healing and abundance (developing faith). These two endeavors are ready to intersect or converge with powerful results. Oh, my heavens, I also forgot the 3rd ply of visualizing my desires - been doing that all along. Interestingly these visions have not waivered over the years even when nothing came to fruition.

    So the prepatory work has been done: 1) I have a collection of visions for many aspects of my life; 2) I have identified my blocks and the source; and 3) I have witnessed and experienced tapping into the source of abundance through the conduit of faith.

    My recent introduction to Tolle's concept of Pain Body has given me the final piece of the puzzle. Like Sysiphus, I have long been frustrated, confused and devastated by being drawn back into the miasma after making some progress. For so long, I have been chained like an elephant by a string, but when I looked at the string I saw a heavy chain. The following description of pain body is the light that reveals the mirage to me and now I can break its bond - tethered no more.


    from: The Pain Body by Eckhart Tolle
    ....The pain body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existance, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, "become you," and live through you. It needs to get its "food" through you. It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness.

    So the pain body, when it has taken you over, will create a situation in your life that refects back its own energy frequency for it to feed on. Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible.

    Once the pain body has taken you over, you want more pain. You become a victim or a perpetrator. You want to inflict pain, or you want to suffer pain, or both.

    *****
    I commit to 30 days, twice daily meditation to guide me, sustain me and strengthen me through this transition and to nurture and empower this being that has escaped the grasp of painbody.
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2009
  16. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I wanted to bring the above post to this forum because here there is a collection of people who bring peace and support and belief and encouragement. There is an vital, life energy here and I thrive on it.

    The forum where I wrote the above post is a very active place and I thrive on that activity and "connection" as well. Toggling back and forth I find all the components I need to heal and move forward.

    I'll be sharing here what progress I make as I continue to tap on the Prosperity Affirmation each and every day and the Mandela prayer which I reorganized in a manner that addressed my own struggles. At this time I am not realizing what the benefits of the Mandela Prayer are but am patiently tapping along until they manifest. But the Prosperity Affirmation is strengthening me daily before my very eyes. I cannot get out of bed without it.

    For some time I have felt as though I were taking up too much space here, feeling "in the way". I know EXACTLY where those feelings originated. But the Prosperity Affirmation speaks to that as well. It builds within me the belief that I am wanted whereever I go.

    This from the Mandela prayer gives me the courage to keep posting:
    As we are liberated from our own fear,
    Our presence automatically liberates others.
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2009
  17. Natalia

    Natalia New Member

    Messages:
    1,160
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    My favorite part is "Who are you not to be?" I hear this echoing in my head so often when I think "Who am I to ....?"

Share This Page