Tapped with Deborah again last week...

Discussion in 'EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique' started by Kbsmama, Jun 11, 2007.

  1. Kbsmama

    Kbsmama Active Member

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    What can I say? There were some things that I think are key to my being happy as a mom that we were able to tap on. I had a handle on what I thought were issues, but, again, Deborah helped me find the right words and go at them in the right way.

    With my daughter, she helped me to say, what, as a mom, is hard for me to say. Really, with all of the kids. There is a part of me, that, until I saw my own, whole children, I didn't know things were missing for me, lacking in my own childhood (especially early on). Also, I was shy, timid, and backward as a child, and my daughter is very self-assured, very outspoken, and a very strong personality, and she's only 3.

    Part of my struggle with that seems to be that the little kid in me is jealous that she is the way she is when it has been a real struggle throughout my life to be able to express myself and be self-assured.

    We had a crazy weekend. We visited my parents because my dad had an accident a week ago and broke his arm and his leg. He is 59 and has never broken a bone in his life, and this is pretty hard for him to be laid up like this. He expressed his appreciation for our visit, though, as it helped pass the time, especially right now as he is still waiting for surgery to be performed on his leg (it was supposed to be done last week, but it was too swollen).

    So, I still haven't had a lot of processing time, but I do feel better. It seems to me that I am better able to focus on my kids and what they need now (I suppose because I have been able to let go of not having some of my own needs met). It's all clearer now, and I believe I will be better able to take care of my needs as I am not dealing with trying to fill holes in myself that I cannot fill.

    I know I have more to do, but I haven't yet found the direction I need to take.

    I am so amazed by this technique and I am very anxious to read the book that Linda mentioned. I am wanting to share EFT with others, but I am a little nervous, and perhaps some of the science behind why it works would be just the thing! ;) And I intend absolutely no disrespect to anyone when I admit that I still walk around thinking, this must be a joke. I guess that makes it even more amazing because I keep thinking that it can't possibly be real, but it really is working.
  2. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    I am so happy for you. I feel so EMPOWERED using this technique. I went to a level 2 EFT workshop last weekend and had so much fun. I am PSYCHED and using EFT even more effectively now.

    Deborah is WONDERFUL.

    Remember, even though tapping with someone else is so incredibly lovely, healing and powerful, and sometimes necessary, you can tap on your own in between as well. Remember there are not right words. And the more you get your stuck energy moving, the more easily the words will come to you...

    All tapping is good. All of it. even when you don';t think you are getting anywhere.

    I will post on my workshop experience soon.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
  3. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    I wanted to add...some of the techniques that I learned last weekend were very scientifically based IMO. I have a degree in NEUROBIOLOGY, psych and Nursing. It all makes total sense to me.

    But then does it have to make sense???...isn't it nice to get the relief and have a reliable tool to get there? T

    Way better, than searching, searching, searching and not getting relief and reliving the same patterns over and over again.

    :cloud9:
  4. Kbsmama

    Kbsmama Active Member

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    Wow. I have been tapping on my own, and sometimes I feel like I'm doing more than others. I tapped on my son yesterday when he was having a meltdown. I tried to talk while I was doing it, but he cried louder, so I just tapped two rounds. And he stopped crying.

    I've been waiting for a thought of where to go next for the last week or so. I tapped last week with Deborah on attachment/separation issues I have had, likely since birth (I was a preemie and placed in an "isolette," and the nurse on duty would not allow my mom to breastfeed. There's more, but this morning, I woke up realizing I have not yet tapped on my eye surgery experience as a child, which I consciously remember. I was 3 1/2, the same age as my daughter. My parents did not stay with me other than during visiting hours (that's what people were told to do nearly 35 years ago, and they had a 2 year old and a 4 or 5 month old baby). My mom did stay with me the night of the surgery. Now I am wondering about my poor baby brother, whom she was nursing...

    Anyway...More than anyone needs to know, but I'm processing it in my head ( I should be tapping as I do that!). My oldest DS, who is now nine, was diagnosed with amblyopia at about 3 1/2. We patched for over a year. Surgery was recommended at 5. We put off surgery and started OT and vision therapy. We tried, on and off, for over 2 years to do vision therapy but never got far. We just took him again for an evaluation with an pediatric opthamologist, who again recommended surgery. So, we are planning surgery this summer. I started to try to tap with DS on his eyes before the doctor visit. When we started, he almost immediately had a quiver in his voice, which set me off too. He didn't want to keep tapping. And I realize, I probably need to tap on this by myself, at least at first. Obviously, this is a source of a lot of emotion for both of us.

    So, I'm thinking maybe eventually, I'll get to "adult" stuff. Or are many adults who have lived without trauma in their lives often just responding to their childhoods? Is it entirely possible that all of my adult struggles are based in my childhood? Crazy.

    I've also been thinking more about my sister. I have two sisters, but I have been thinking about the older of the two (I am the oldest, and she is 15 months younger than I). We tapped on her last week some. It also occurred to me this morning that perhaps she chose her "complete opposite" approach to parenting BECAUSE I chose attachment parenting. If you have seen many of my posts here over the years, you probably already know of my issues with my sister. I struggle with her parenting choices, and the fact that she often seems to feel the need to share with me her choices, despite the fact that she would be devastated if I suggested she was doing something wrong. She repeatedly asked me over the course of her son's first 8 months what I thought she should do about her son's perpetual constipation, caused by formula supplementation. I told her repeatedly that I thought she should drop the formula. Then she would come to me a few months later, and ask me again, as if I might change my answer.... When we were kids, she was the squeaky wheel (pretty much from birth). I am not saying that her needs always got met, but that they largely got met over mine. This happened even when we were in college. I remember when she was a freshman in college, my mom asked me if I could wait on my Christmas gift so that she could get my sister this luggage that she HAD to have. And, I was the "good" one, and she was, well, not the good one. When I was tapping with Deborah, I remember saying that maybe I behaved BECAUSE she did not. There was also a lot of "Why can't you be more like..." that occurred. Perhaps she, despite having all of the information I shared with her, despite taking Bradley classes, despite long conversations, despite being "impressed with how [DS #1] behaved," felt the need to choose a different path (in birthing, in nursing, in parenting) because she felt she would never compare. In saying this, I am not suggesting that she wouldn't compare, LOL. I am also not suggesting that she did it consciously, even. But, it is an interesting thought. One that makes a lot of sense to me, and may go a long way in providing me tolerance and understanding with my sister.

    So, I've now written a book. I've got to go.

    Thanks for listening, if you've made it this far!
  5. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Wow - this is great stuff. You are doing such great work ....

    For me, it's entirely true that all of my adult struggles are based on my childhood and pre-childhood experiences. I can't say if that is true for others but for me it is the most helpful model. I am getting coaching from Ray Castellino -- one of the leaders in birth process work -- the model is that we are imprinted at conception, gestation, birth and post-birth -- these imprints affect how we are in the world. So everything you mention is an early imprint that affects you now. Release that with EFT -- and now you are cruising ....


    Linda, I'd love to hear more about your level 2 eft workshop experience when you get a chance. I'm going to the EFT master workshop in Denver which will be very exciting .... (and thanks for saying I'm wonderful -- that's very good to hear)
  6. Kbsmama

    Kbsmama Active Member

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    This is a rather interesting concept to me, as I was conceived out of wedlock and was the reason my parents got married. My parents always told me that I was conceived so they could marry, but as my mom was actually 16 when I was conceived (my dad was 19), I have a hard time believing that to be true.

    Hmmmm. Really, really interesting and amazing. So, then, once my own stuff is clear, can I tap to release any of those imprints for my own kids? Even if I am not certain of what they are?

    I have been thinking that as I am feeling better able to parent them the way I would like, I need to tap for them to help them to release the damage I have caused to our relationships due to responding poorly to them. No, I have not abused them. But, nor was I abused as a child, and there is still much inadvertent stuff that has affected me deeply throughout my life. What an amazing, amazing thing to be able to just let it go. And, what an amazing gift if I could give that to them.
  7. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Yes, you can tap on stuff for your kids Aidra has eczema that *really* flared when we were in the States. NOTHING I tapped on made it ANY better. It was awful. I tapped for hours. She also had terrible separation anxiety and I tapped on that simply'no Daddy, only mama" as those were her words to me. I haad the idea the other day I should try tapping on her labor and birth...how she came into this world.
    It might also be worthwhile to tap on the stuff going on when she was conceived...and stuff during the pregnancy. Ay yi yi...lots of stuff. The whole should we move to NZ scenario...my grandmother dying...my mother being horrible to me before we moved. Now you can see...that MY issues are also Aidra's issues in the womb. So it is not as crazy or overwhelming as you might think....but I do get overwhelmed thinking on tapping on all three of us. Especially when everyone is in crisis mode. I have learned the more of MY stuff that I work on...the better off the whole family is...so that is the best place to start.

    I bought a tiny notebook for each of us(can carry in my purse hardly takes up room). I am keeping notes in each notebook as they come to me..ideas to tap on. It is really helpful.

    Deborah...I will post about the conference...trying to find the time. IT was interesting and I would love your input. Cannot wait for Level 3. And I am planning on a Masters Workshop in Sydney in October.
  8. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    The notebook is a great idea -- I've got a runnning list as well! It's amazing how anything that you have as a memory with anything unpleasant is a goldmine for tapping.

    Talking about birth and imprints ....
    I tapped today with a practitioner for myself -- I have this phobia of tumbling - as a kid could never do cartwheels, rolls, etc. I literally freeze and can't begin to fathom moving my body in any position where my head is lower than my hips .... Well, I am taking karate with my son (I just wrote about this on the sagemama blog) and have to do rolls.

    For tapping, we worked on some childhood experiences which led to my birth (heavily drugged birth where I didn't get to go through the strong birth process so needed to feel one's body and one's strength ...) -- the imprint of my birth was affecting my ability to feel safe and reorient myself physically, 40 years later. When tapping on the birth trauma, I actually felt like I couldn't breath and felt stiff and curled up -- I was reliving part of the trauma as I released it from my body. It was amazing to experience. Then I tapped on releasing the imprint of the birth meds -- while tapping on that, I felt drugged and drowsy and very weak and floppy ... it was incredible.

    I have to do some clearing for my son's birth as I was medicated as well.

    Sometimes I wonder why it matters to process all this stuff and why doesn't everyone else have to process this stuff -- it's so neat to find other mom's who are dealing with/processing/releasing these patterns.

    I love this work!

    Hugs,
    Deb.

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