So now that everyone has Mango Mama's e-book...;)

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by Kbsmama, Sep 2, 2004.

  1. IBelieveInFae

    IBelieveInFae New Member

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    I would love a copy, please! elizabethmckeeman@yahoo.com

    I was on a list with someone who claimed to be a friend of hers. Said friend said that what has been said online about Jennifer is NOT true. None of it. She wouldn't say what 8was* true, though.
  2. J3

    J3 Deadhead mama of girls

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    Well I'm grateful to her for the information she put out there.
    Many people resented her so I don't put much in faith in the things that have been said about her.
    I wish her and the children well, where ever they are.
    Reading her online public diary was like reading a book that left you hanging.
  3. Kbsmama

    Kbsmama Active Member

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    Sending copies to the above; hopefully you can get them through yahoo.
    :) Jody
  4. Tayce

    Tayce Livin' For Jesus

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  5. Kbsmama

    Kbsmama Active Member

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    Dang. That's too bad. I really don't know what to think about that. I know a woman (a friend of MIL's) who is probably in her fifties or approaching them now. She had 5 kids, several of them homebirths, APed, cloth diapered, homeschooled. Apparently at some point, when the oldest were around maybe 12, there was some sexual abuse going on either by the dad himself or his family--I don't know the whole story, but I know the kids see their dad now and stay with him, so I am not sure. Anyway, they got divorced, she put the kids in school, and now her kids are having babies (very young), totally medicalized births, no breastfeeding, no cloth diapers (and she has mentioned that the daughter doesn't have money for diapers). And the mom doesn't even suggest these things to her daughters. It's weird. I wonder how it must be to have two totally different lives. But maybe there was a need to totally break with the old when something so awful happened within it? Even if it meant leaving behind good things?

    I don't know. Maybe to be really honest, it makes me feel better; I mean, sad for her and her kids, but it tells me things were not perfect as maybe they sounded in the book. I am sure there were days they were, but that there were days like mine...not so good. It is too bad that, if she did, she lost so much of the good. Perhaps she just needed out, since I imagine (if TCS is banned on Mothering, for pete's sake, though I am guessing the ban took place after her leaving?) that someone who is vocal as she was might receive a lot of criticism, even from those in AP. Maybe she's still happily,quietly homeschooling her kids on the beach in HI.

    sent to above
  6. Selissa

    Selissa Who said I was Girly????

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    I'm one of those who lovethe idea of tcs, but it just doens't always work for me in reality. however i do apply it to my daily life and always try to find alternatives.

    on another note entirely though..tcs can be discussed at mdc , there is a tcs support thread in the tribal forums (unless it has gotten shut down recently too)...it jsut can't be argued. apparently it's jsut one of those subjects that people are too passionate about..and the last big discussion about it's validity got very very heated.
  7. kas

    kas Kinder & Gentler

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    adding that i'd like to meet a grown child or teen that's been parented with tcs/ncp irl. i never have, but always wondered what they'd be like as young adults, kwim?

    however, i *have* been around a few children who were parented this way, and i could barely stand it! the techniques are incredibly time consuming & would NOT go over too well in a family of my size.
  8. Mamax4

    Mamax4 Amity's Focus Member

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    I used to read Jennifer's stuff all the time. It was so nice to know she was out there. So many of us admired her, and it's hard not to know what happened to her.

    Her friend said none of it was true. Does that mean she's with her kids again, that she's still hsing?


    One thing I take away from this sad episode is that extremes are not always best- maybe someonewhere in the middle- taking care of yourself, too- is better for a balanced emotional life.

    I tend to be an extreme person in many ways and it does get exhusting, although you have to have strong beliefs to see you through in this world.


    Rambling...
  9. ThirtySomething

    ThirtySomething About to burst

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    Somewhere between blister and bliss!
    You bring up a good poing Kas. It might have worked like a charm with my first, but add two more (or more!) into the mix and it would all go to heck in our case. IMO, PPD takes takes the heart of TCS (respect and consideration), but sprinkles it with limits and boundaries.
  10. Mamax4

    Mamax4 Amity's Focus Member

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    Kas & Stacy- Some good internet friends and I call our version LCP- 'less' coersive parenting. lol

    At any rate, I try to always respect my children's needs as well as my own.

    Laurie
  11. sahmfiberaddict

    sahmfiberaddict swimming in yarn

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    still need ebook link

    my spam blocker keeps getting rid of it. PM me for private email addy.

    Thanks
  12. ~Jo~

    ~Jo~ New Member

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  13. sahmfiberaddict

    sahmfiberaddict swimming in yarn

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    Thanks Jo

    I appreciate that:heart:

    MamaSara:heart:
  14. sahmfiberaddict

    sahmfiberaddict swimming in yarn

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    Like you blog

    I just started knitting but am definately a Crochet fan myself-faster and easier for my slow brain:D

    MamaSara:heart:
  15. Kbsmama

    Kbsmama Active Member

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    It does sound a little complicated (TCS) and hard to get right; however, I think the theory is important in how it makes me think about what I am saying to my children, etc. When I cannot treat them as guests in my home, etc., perhaps that is a cue to me that I need more time to myself. But there are times, I admit, that I have said things to my children or used a tone with them that I would never with to someone else's children or in the presence of someone else. This is wrong. I also would have something to say to others who talk to my children the way I do. Again, if it's not OK for someone else to talk to them a particular way, it's not OK for me.
  16. Mamax4

    Mamax4 Amity's Focus Member

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    But there is a sense of safety and love in a family that doesn't extend to visitors. Children often melt down at home, where they would not outsie the home. People cry at home etc. I am not sure my goal is treating the children the same as guests, and I certainly would not expect that from them.

    I agree that repsect is where it is at. That is the worthiest goal I could imgaine.

    Laurie
  17. kas

    kas Kinder & Gentler

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    as a mother, i can't imagine treating my children as guests in my home. in our family, we're real people with real needs & wants. we also have real breakdowns, cries, and temper tantrums. and we have them often, lol

    my kids get respect, but it is only when they GIVE it that they receive it back. if they're being snotty nosed brats (and lemme tell ya, they CAN be quite the "violet" from willy wonka & the chocolate factory!), then they are not going to be treated with respect, they're going to be treated as "violet".

    this goes both ways, because if i'm being a cranky wench & then in turn ask something of them, they are justified in refusing based on my sharp tongue, or my attitude with them.

    this is how *we* do it, but of course, my kids are mostly older & are born wheeler & dealers who love to compromise & close deals ;)

    fwiw-back in the day before i had children, i swore that my goal as a mother would be to befriend them & not make them feel any lessor of a person because i was older & bigger.

    bwahahahaha! i now know that i can be friends with my kids, but the fact is, i *am* older, and i am *bigger*, and that's not always a bad thing for my kids to be aware of.

    i'm their mama~the most reliable friend they'll have in this lifetime.
  18. TulaneMama

    TulaneMama countdown mode

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    :ditto:

    Very well put Kas...I agree with you! You always seem to say write what many of us are thinking.

    :)
  19. Kbsmama

    Kbsmama Active Member

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    Kas,
    You are right. We have a few Veruca Salts here at our house, not to mention Mike TV's...the whole stinking cast of Charlie and the Chocolate factory from time to time. My problem is that I have been so struggling with my kids lately--my eldest has meltdowns everywhere, not just at home; this is a problem. But for the most part, yes, my kids will say things to me that they would never say to someone else, and should I, when someone is clearly ignoring me just go on about my business? There is often no way we could come to an agreeable solution for everyone in our house.

    I am just so tired of the bickering and hoping there is something I can do to change it. There are things, but I often think I expect too much of all of us. Yes, respect must occur on my part so that my kids will model that, and that is for what I must strive. I think part of my problem may be that my 6 year old considers himself, not my equal, but my superior, and it is hard to deal with someone who is not respecting me. I'm sure I've already gone on too long, but you make a very good point.
  20. naturalmama

    naturalmama New Member

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    editing

    because I think this was taken completely wrong and I really don't want that to happen again. Have a good day mamas!
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2004

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