Screaming

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by sagira, Jan 11, 2006.

  1. sagira

    sagira New Member

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    Hello:

    I have a two-year-old ds who's terrific, sweet and sensitive. I've always raised him in a gentle way, not letting him cry it out, breastfeeding, reassuring and using non-punitive discipline tactics.

    What I don't understand is this. He still wakes up at night to feed (I know this can be normal) whether he sleeps with us or not. However, even from naps, he wakes up so restless (sometimes every hour or so) and often screams and cries.

    I guess because my mother remarked how insecure he seems, I have the question: why do you think he seems insecure when I've only given him security (IMO of course)?

    I feel a bit frustrated that he doesn't seem to trust me enough to wait a minute (not even 30 seconds!) for me.

    Any ideas? Thoughts?

    Thanks!

    Sagira
  2. sagira

    sagira New Member

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    BTW, I wasn't clear. He wakes up every hour or so during naps. At night he's alright since I sleep right next to him. If I'm not, he'll cry but not in an alarming way, just sad.

    Another instance which can get annoying is when I need to pee and he's still on the bed lying down (may or may not be plugged in) and I tell him to hold on a minute, I need to pee. Now I've always come back right away and never gave him the idea that I will leave or abandon him or anything. Yet he cries as if that's the case.

    In addition, some nights it seems he gets nightmares and cries "Mama, don't go" and stuff like that.

    Any ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Commiseration?

    Thanks!

    Sagira
  3. waterlily

    waterlily arrived

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    Hi!
    You seem like a very sensitive and compassionate mother. I am sure that your child senses that about you. What you said here. . .

    "I feel a bit frustrated that he doesn't seem to trust me enough to wait a minute (not even 30 seconds!) for me.

    shows me that you probably already know the answer to this in your heart He is two years old, which means that he actually cannot wait even 30 seconds for you when he wants you. And he does trust that you will come . . . or he wouldn't scream or cry for you.

    Somehow at this age they realize intensity makes a difference in how you respond. All my children have done this. I can't promise it'll go away and I don't know that I always handled it right but I think that it's ok to go to the bathroom and to expect a two year old to wait a couple minutes for you. What I have tried to do is treat it with patience and gentleness and say the same thing every time "momma will be right back", or "momma will be right there", Over time they get to understand the relationship of your words and your actions.

    Hope that helps.

    I just wanted to add that there have been times for my children when they needed me more than others and it seems to go in waves of independence and dependence. One child may be different from another as well. My 2nd child has needed me more overall than my firstborn. I think it's normal behavior for your 2 year old. My children have always taken approx 1 hr naps. I read somewhere that babies have 1 hr sleep cycles and I figured that since they are used to sleeping near me, they stirred at the end of a sleep cycle, found me not there and woke up.

    On the other side, it can be difficult to be needed all the time, especially when your expectation is that they will be gradually becoming more and more independent as time passes, and not have these seeming "regressions". I guess it helped me to think if it as waves, rather than linear.
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2006
  4. sagira

    sagira New Member

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    Thanks, waterlily! I feel much more calm now and sure of myself. You're right, it's his personality and the way he is. What you wrote about the sleep cycles sounds interesting -- and I think true.

    Thank you again for responding. I appreciate it :)

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