Roadblock - "inadequate" - Getting to "Yes"

Discussion in 'EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique' started by Percy's Mom, May 6, 2009.

  1. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    "inadequate" was an overriding unconscious daily message fed to me by my family - as a child and on into adulthood.

    Now I know. Now it is conscious.
    It permeates every aspect of my life.
    I am ready to face it. The emotion of it is large and the depth of pain seems infinite. And of course the anger ....

    I know I must face it to move forward and of course I want to and yet....

    Linda, I read what you wrote about tapping "interrupting" the pattern.
    Wow - that perspective just popped for me. I want to interrupt this pattern.

    My fears - the pattern is so much a part of who I am that I will not be without it.
    the pattern is so huge in me that it cannot be overcome
    the "inadequacy" is so huge and so painful and so damaging and noone will care (this is from the very young me who needed someone to care in order to heal - but it is a very real need - someone to care)
    that facing this and tapping on it will open up a pandora's box of pain that is too great to bear and that the box is better left alone
    that tapping on this and facing it will lead me to a loneliness too great to bear

    My first step is to acknowledge this and face it. It is very, very scary.
    I see that my fear must be cleared first. fear of change (inadequate to handle the change) and fear of failure ( I can't bear to face this and fail)

    so much self-hatred and shame still repressed. I didn't know. I want to curl up and fade away.
  2. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    much pain, anger, rage, and suffering associated with the "inadequacy". Tapping releases this, i.e. brings it up. Very difficult. Felt better when repressed but the cost of repression is too great. I am in no-man's land on this now. Feeling the tip of the iceburg on rage and pain, et.al. Wanting it to go away. Wanting to repress it in a way but knowing better and yet it is difficult to move forward tapping because more pain, rage etc will emerge.

    Maybe I could tap on this fear as well.
  3. Taramisu

    Taramisu A Work in Progress

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    Big hugs to you. I could have written your post :(

    I wish you luck in your recovery.
  4. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    The more I tap on this the more apparent it becomes how pervasive this feeling is within me. Tapping releases the repression which of course is a good thing but it still comes with a price. It is exhausting. And there is a profound fear that it will be overwhelming. I, of course, am tapping on that fear. This whole process is incredibly exhausting and lonely but there is no where to go except through. I can see a glimpse of what is on the other side. At times it seems too difficult to push through to get there. I am tired and I am lonely.
  5. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    {{{Hugs}}} It can be exhausting and lonely at times. It is different for everyone.

    I would do some tapping in regards to your identity. As you said, this emotion has become part of your identity. Tapping these on the karate chop!
    “Even though….
    …I don't want to get over this anger (or trauma, chronic pain, grief, feeling of inadequacy, etc.) I deeply and completely accept myself.”

    Say an affirmation after every negative set up statement.
    “Even though….
    …It may not be safe to get over my (issue)…” I choose to surprise myself and see this differently
    …I may not deserve to get over (this issue)…” I honor the child part of me and am willing to see this differenlty
    …I won't know how to act if I get well…” I choose to surprise myself and let it be easy
    I won't have an excuse for my life being messed up…” I am open to teh possibility that I can take 100% responsinilty for my life
    I don't want to forgive the people that ruined my life…” I am willing to accept all my feelings without judgemnt
    …I don't know how to be ‘normal’…” I choose to surprise myself and let it be easy
    I'm afraid I’ll lose my identity…” I am willing to see this differently
    …For whatever reason, I don’t want to overcome this problem…” I honor myself for facing this difficult issues...

    Then go round and use the reminder phrases at all the points. Follow your intuition...and say each reminder phrase as many times as you are moved to.


    Then on the paragraph above...even though I am so tired and exhausted, I choose to surprise myself and let it be easy!
    ET I feel so alone...I am open to the possibility I am connected to source (or know I have support systems in place that I can access easily)

    And remember...when you are tapping.go and tap on your younger self. It dissociates you...and therefore you can not get the emotions as high/painful/scary.

    Blessings,
    Linda
  6. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Hey Tara, good to see you here:)
  7. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Wow, Linda, you amaze me. You absolutely amaze me. you are connected in a remarkable way. You write things and they get to the very soul of the issue. How you do that is - otherworldly. No one of this world could do that so consistently.

    I can only read bits and pieces of what you have written. What I read, speaks so clearly to me. It will process this slowly over the next few days.

    Thank you. What a kind and thoughtful response.

    Yours - PM
  8. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    My life is quite isolated. When my phone rings it is either a creditor or my mother. To say I am lonely is an utter understatement.

    I want to change my expectations. I want to go out into the world expecting to be accepted and included but left uneffected when I am not. I want to live day to day on a higher energy vibration.

    Much of my life has been lived on a very, very low vibrational level. It started with my family of origin. I do believe that I can change my energy level using visualization and meditation. But it is surprisingly difficult.

    As a child, when something hurtful happened to me, either physically or emotionally my father's response was that I got what I deserved. This paternal attitude established a cycle in which my siblings who were older were permitted to poke, belittle, make fun of, etc. with no reproach, because - - - I deserved it. If I reacted with hurt or anger the torment escalated and my father's punishment was added on. Often the punishment was banishment.

    I recognize that this emotional cycle has played itself out over and over in my life. I also realize that I have life long "looked" for signs of being excluded or belittled or other's receiving preferential treatment and of course I have found them in abundance. Much of this "looking" actually takes place on an unconscious level.

    My problem is this - how can I change state of mind. It is exhausting. I am not seeing progress. (It may be there butI don't see it.) I wonder how a person sustains this work and what it takes to move from the effortless level of resentment and darkness to one of comfort, joy and light.

    Has anyone here made this transition or known anyone who has?
  9. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    A~
    yes I have made the transformation.

    While you are doing the healing work, the tapping..the rebalancing of your energy....
    you can do VERY practical things.

    1) what things give you PLEASURE? Do you do them? List one here and do it this week:)
    2) Can you visualise what you want your life to look like, sound like, feel like? If you can't visualize it? Write it down...PRETEND..borrow someone elses life and make that your goal. Meditate on this EVERY day. What kind of connections do you want in your life? Who do you want to call you on the phone? Who do you want to make dinner for?
    3) pick up the phone and call someone you enjoy talking to. If you can't think of anyone, then start looking for a group or class..something social that you want to be a part of. I would encourage IRL.

    There is an exercise you can do...my Friend calls it the Fear Compass.
    1) Bad fear is being of afraid of something you don't want, focusing on the negative. Think of a time you were afraid of something bad happening..something you did not want to happen. Find this in your body. Notice all the feelings in your body..

    2) Good fear is stepping out of your comfort zone. Stepping towards the direction of what you do want. Focusing on positive moment, away from limiting patterns and beliefs. Notice where this kind of fear shows up in your body. It may feel the same as the first fear, but it may not. Notice all the characteristics about this body feeling in relation to this.

    3) Practice distinguishing between the two kinds of fear. Learn to welcome good fear.
  10. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    1. This is interesting. There is a layer of STUFF that has overridden all the things that give me pleasure except doing things for my son and giving him parties - large and small. Here is a for instance on the STUFF. I love gardening. But over the years all the STUFF that has gotten in my way of everyday life has eeked into generating a fear and shame and failure sense about the things that I love. I know exactly what it is. Believe it or not - as a child my parents stood in the way of my gardening and needlework. It sounds NUTS - and it was. But I am in the process of undoing all of that.

    I have been thriving on the point you recently made that tapping is interrupting the old pattern. That really works for me. I have been approaching this healing from a neurological/quantum mechanics perspective so tapping as interrupting fits snuggly and wonderfully. Now is the time to interrupt those old patterns that invade and overcome and cripple those things of pleasure. Those patterns have an aspect of being organic. I envision them as being much like the black spiderman suit that grew on him in a destructive, dark foil.

    2)I can visualize pieces. I have had pretending/acting on my mind. I have an image of a man and woman who talk me into the right mindset. This is pulling me through the miasma into clearing.

    3) I get it. I will push this. I believe I began this process (of calling or connecting) when I began with facebook a couple of months ago. It is helping me gain confidence and courage to move out.

    Now that I am developing the stength to let go of or to process painful experiences I am becoming less reactive. I am making a shift from reacting to hurt to looking for, expecting the inclusion. It is a process and it is growing. Protecting my heart, growing the shield, loving the aspects of me that I allowed to be buried - regardless of whether others recognize them or not. The entire process is a shift - an interruption of old, damaging patterns.

    Tapping my way through. Clearing the detrius that had obscured my gifts and talents and loves.

    FEAR COMPASS - that makes great sense. I have so avoided fear. All this STUFF triggers my adrenal gland in an instant and I am wearied, fatigued from years of over adrenal stimulation. Like a food addict who cannot give up food entirely, I see now that fear does have a healthy function.

    I see myself as nurse and patient. I draw strength on the gifts of others. Your gifts are profoundly appreciated and I will not allow them to tarnish.
  11. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Do you do gratitude journaling and tapping?
    Very useful. Jounral(writing is very important)Tap on gratitude every day. List exactly what it is you are grateful for! spiritually, I love this practice. As we are so abundant...and even if our mothers and fathers were very lacking in the parenting departments(!)...they did give us life. We are here because of them, And we can honor them for that! And be grateful for that!

    'You can find something to say thank you for if it isn't immediately apparent. I once heard someone say this: "I thank my mother and father for never being there when I really needed them, because I found that what I really needed was myself." When you begin thanking the people who've shaped your life in so many ways, you begin to live on another "octave" of life - a higher octave, and you vibrate from a place of gratitude, which is a place of high vibration. What can you thank the people in your life for?

    Bringing it All into the Present Moment
    The spiritual teacher, Meister Eckhart said, "If the only prayer you say in your entire life is 'thank you' that would suffice." The yogi I mentioned earlier named Nandhi suggests that you bring your palms to your face when you get up in the morning, and you imagine that your left palm represents your mother and the right, your father. You place both hands over your eyelids and say, "Gratitude, gratitude." Marilyn Gordon

    (you can just tap and list the items you are grateful for! and really build the images, sounds and feelings associated with the gratitude. Expand it! Harness it!)
  12. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    I was thinking...about reaching out and connecting.

    I know how much I love it when I get a letter form an old friend, or a phone call...I also love to help people.

    So when you are fearful about reaching out(and being rejected?)...think about it from the other side. How lovely it is when others reach out to you.

    It is a gift to both receive and to give. In relationships as well. You can not really give until you can openly receive.

    And when all else fails(when I am struggling with the fear)..I think about what I want to role model to my children. :)

    Take little steps..incremental steps and build on your confidence:)

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