"inadequate" was an overriding unconscious daily message fed to me by my family - as a child and on into adulthood. Now I know. Now it is conscious. It permeates every aspect of my life. I am ready to face it. The emotion of it is large and the depth of pain seems infinite. And of course the anger .... I know I must face it to move forward and of course I want to and yet.... Linda, I read what you wrote about tapping "interrupting" the pattern. Wow - that perspective just popped for me. I want to interrupt this pattern. My fears - the pattern is so much a part of who I am that I will not be without it. the pattern is so huge in me that it cannot be overcome the "inadequacy" is so huge and so painful and so damaging and noone will care (this is from the very young me who needed someone to care in order to heal - but it is a very real need - someone to care) that facing this and tapping on it will open up a pandora's box of pain that is too great to bear and that the box is better left alone that tapping on this and facing it will lead me to a loneliness too great to bear My first step is to acknowledge this and face it. It is very, very scary. I see that my fear must be cleared first. fear of change (inadequate to handle the change) and fear of failure ( I can't bear to face this and fail) so much self-hatred and shame still repressed. I didn't know. I want to curl up and fade away.